3 Men and a Little Lady Page #5

---

Wanna dance?

Rubber Duckie

Joy ofjoys

When I squeeze you

you make noise

Rubber Duckie

I'm awfully fond of you

Here it is.

My speciality,

liver mousse

and poached eggs.

An attractive

combination.

- It's great.

- Don't you like it?

- I love it, but we do have a cook.

- I like doing it.

Try it, Edward.

You'll like it.

Whoever taught you to

hold your teacup like that?

I don't know

anybody here.

- I thought Glenn was coming.

- His kids have measles.

- Martha?

- She had to make

an asparagus costume for Tommy.

So much for life

in the fast lane.

What are we

doing here?

Having a great time.

Can't you tell?

- Why aren't we in England?

- Ah, Michael.

I spoke to Mary.

I could sense

she was not happy.

She said she was

having a good time.

I know what

I'm talking about.

My parents sent me

to camp every summer.

The counselors made us

write postcards home.

I'd be sharing a cabin with

a guy who collected farts,

and I'd be praying the

whole place would burn.

But I'd always write what

a good time I was having.

Believe me,

you guys,

our little girl

is miserable.

I'm going to England.

You can stay here

if you like.

I'm going.

What's this thing run on, batteries?

The last one

they had.

I hate England.

I always have.

As long as we're here,

look on the bright side.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

- The toilet paper's like Reynolds Wrap.

- That's a start.

It's so damn cold, the only

thing that's warm is the ice.

- You know what I hate most?

- What?

- The way they use

words like "schedule."

- And "vitamins."

- Other side, Pete!

- Damn!

- Want me to drive?

- Relax.

We're lost. I haven't

seen a road that's marked.

What's that noise?

- Do you think it's the engine?

- Uh-uh.

The next road.

I can't hear

a word he's saying.

Okay, I got it.

On your right,

you'll see two large

trees and a gray stone,

which my wife says

reminds her of a tortoise.

In between

those trees...

is a long,

narrow road...

with a shallow brook

running alongside...

...and a short hedge

full of white blossoms.

Now, don't take

that road!

Let's get out of here

as fast as we possibly can.

Maybe we should

have called first.

Don't worry about it.

This'll be more fun.

This is it? It's so huge.

Looks like

a hotel.

Wow, look at

this place.

Family money.

Yeah.

Hey.

The Medieval version

of permanent press.

How do you take a leak

in one of these things?

Carefully,

very carefully.

Come on.

There she is!

Look, it's Michael

and Peter!

My life is complete.

- Yea!

- Yea!

- We missed you!

- Missed you more.

Welcome.

- Good of you to come.

- Edward.

Hi, Sylvia.

- Where's Jack?

- Making a movie.

- He got a job?

- Yeah.

We thought we'd

surprise you.

You certainly did.

It's wonderful.

- You must stay with us.

Is that all right?

- Of course.

How did you find us?

It was no trouble at all.

I'm not surprised.

- My horse's name is Slamdunk.

- Let's go see him!

- You'd probably like to unpack.

- Oh, sure. Sorry.

Barrow, show

these gentlemen...

to the guest rooms

in the west wing.

Very good, miss.

- Not bad.

- Nice.

The water closet

is in here, sir.

You were very

well behaved before.

Well, we're all

civilized people.

- Michael! Peter!

- Hey!

What'd you

bring me?

Did we bring

anything for Mary?

- I can't remember.

Look in that suitcase.

- Yeah!

Look at that,

and Jack sent you

a makeup case.

It's just

like his!

Dinner will

be served...

promptly at 8:
00,

gentlemen.

- Sure we're not overdressed?

- Trust me.

I saw " Brideshead

Revisited" 3 times.

Has someone died?

Not yet.

Peter, Michael,

let me introduce you.

This is Dierdre Coleman,

with the foreign service,

and Wilfred Blair, director

of the national theater.

Edward's told me

about your commune.

- How do you do?

- And Reverend Hewitt,

who'll be marrying us.

How do you do?

Is there more salmon?

Peter and Michael,

friends of Sylvia's.

- Yes, but is there any more salmon?

- Yes.

There is

Sylvia now.

Peter, there's someone over

here I'd love you to meet.

Elspeth, I'd love you

to meet Peter Mitchell.

Miss Elspeth Lomax.

- How do you do?

- Miss Lomax is from Guernsey.

Oh, where the

cows come from.

- Mr. Mitchell is...

- An architect.

Well, then,

do you align yourself

with the post-modernists,

- or are you more of a classicist?

- What?

Prince Charles is having war

in this country with...

- Ooh, bang!

- Sorry.

Um...

No, uh...

There's some roe

on your nose.

- Oh, goodness. I'm sorry.

- It's all right.

What is it

that you do?

I'm the headmistress

of a girls' school...

in West Riding.

You may have

heard of it.

The Pileforth

Academy.

Pileforth?

I can't say that I have.

We've turned out England's

finest young ladies...

since the 18th century.

Excuse me.

Mary'd like to see us.

Oh, sorry.

Lovely to meet you.

Nice meeting you.

I think he fancies you.

Don't be such

a rogue.

- What makes you say that?

- He asked to meet you.

- I know Peter pretty well.

- Do you?

- A woman has to walk

a fine line with him.

- How so?

She has to make it very clear

that she's attracted to him,

but she can't come on

too strongly.

Say no more.

You ever get the feeling

you're being watched?

- I make up stories about them.

- She was...

on the cover

of"Rolling Stone."

- We brought super-chunk peanut butter.

- From New York.

- Yeah!

- Okay.

Wait here.

I'll get it.

- Oh, Peter. I was just...

- Hi.

- I'm sorry.

- No, what were you gonna say?

Is everything

all right?

Towels, blankets?

Everything is fine.

- You look great.

- So do you.

Well, Sylvia...

You know how you want

to say something...

and then

you don't,

and then by the

time you say it,

it's been such

a long time.

One time, Sandra,

my assistant,

- she never told me this guy called...

- What is it...

you want to say?

I'm sorry about what

I said before you left.

So am I.

I overreacted.

You have a pretty

good right hook,

but I deserved it.

I was out of line,

way out of line.

Ahem.

I beg your pardon, miss.

Lady Eastwick is leaving.

- I have to go.

- It's all right.

Jack, how's

the movie going?

Fabulous role,

Michael.

Kind of a South

American King Lear.

I don't want

to talk about me.

- Where's Mary?

- Asleep.

How's she doing?

Is she any bigger?

Has she got the

accent down yet?

She missed us.

She misses you, Jack.

Tell her

I miss her, too.

- Gonna make it to the wedding?

- I don't know, Michael.

I really need the work,

and I'm pivotal to the plot.

We need you here.

Fruit of the Loom,

you're on!

I gotta go.

Bye-bye.

Not so splendid as

your mighty erections,

I imagine.

- Did I frighten you?

- I was expecting Mary.

Little Mary, yes.

What a delightful,

if somewhat wilful child.

She'll make an excellent

Pileforth student.

She's going

to your school?

No, not immediately,

but eventually.

- She wouldn't like it.

- What makes you say that?

Boarding school is

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote