3 Men and a Little Lady Page #7

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really weird.

Is there

someone there?

Mr. Mitchell!

What are you doing

in my closet?

Sometimes a man

has to be alone.

And sometimes

he needs companionship.

I'm sorry, but...

I've gotta be totally

honest with you.

Let's just lay it out

right on the table!

Oh, I'm glad that

your infatuation...

has at last

found a voice.

- It has?

- We have no more excuses now!

We are creatures

of the night.

We are children

of la luna!

Wait, we're breaking

the rules of propriety.

Oh, rules, rules, rules

are made to be broken!

- Oh, kiss me!

- What about the girls?

They can't have you!

I've never met

your family.

I've never asked

your father's permission.

My father's

a doddering old fool!

There's something

I have to tell you.

I'm impotent!

I find that

so charming in a man.

Miss Lomax...

Elspeth...

Oh, shut up

and take me!

- Am I everything you expected?

- And more... much more!

No! We can't,

not tonight!

We mustn't let

one night of passion...

cloud our entire

relationship.

I understand

what you're saying.

As hard as

it may be,

we must control

ourselves!

Good night.

Oh, you are

a true gentleman.

Damn it!

Damn!

Darling, where have you been?

We have so much to do.

I wanted a few

moments by myself.

- Feeling nervous?

- A little.

It's quite natural

to feel nervous.

In less than

2 hours,

you'll be leaving a whole part

of your life behind you,

and entering

a lifelong contract...

that will change everything

you've ever known.

Thank you, Mother.

I feel much better.

That's what

mothers are for.

The good news is,

I've got the proof.

The bad news is,

I'm still a long way away.

Jack and I are

cooking up a plan.

- Just get here.

- The cavalry just showed up.

I'll be there.

Wait!

Stop!

Am I glad

to see you!

Mr. Mitchell!

What are you doing here?

I'll explain.

Let's go.

We've got to stall the wedding

until Peter gets back.

- I'm ready.

- You with us?

- Yes!

All right,

we've got one hour.

- This way, vicar.

- I haven't finished my breakfast.

Where are you

taking me?

They've moved

the ceremony.

- I'm driving you to a new church.

- Who are you?

That's an interesting

theological question.

Who are

any of us?

Good point.

I've often suggested...

my congregation ask itself

that very question.

And if, in fact,

we exist at all.

I have a syllogism

that answers that problem.

It goes like this...

All pigs exist. I exist.

Therefore, I am a... pig.

That's not right.

I've got it!

All people exist.

All pigs exist.

Therefore all

people are pigs.

No, that's

not it either.

I was under the impression

that Sylvia knew...

that Mary was to be

enrolled for next term.

She has absolutely

no idea.

How extraordinary.

All they said was,

"The vicar was ill."

We'll have

to find another.

You can't swing a dead cat

around the English countryside,

without hitting

a vicar.

More news from

the vicarage.

They're sending

a replacement.

Oh, there

you are.

It's hard to believe

that it's taken 5 years...

to realize my true

feelings for her.

I'm sorry if

I misled you.

Say no more.

All is fair

in love and war.

You're a very

attractive woman.

Oh, I know.

We've got to get you to

the church before the wedding.

We shall succeed!

I know a shortcut.

You'll never

get that out, lad.

Do you have a car

we could use?

A horse?

Anything that moves?

Ahem.

Bride or groom, sir?

Just a guest,

thank you.

I think that's

the church up there.

I certainly hope we haven't

missed the champagne.

Vicar, wait!

This isn't

the wedding!

What?

What a joyous event...

we have come here

to celebrate this glorious day.

I look like

a dork.

You don't look like a dork.

You look very beautiful.

Edward give you

the ring?

- Yes.

- Where is it?

It's in my pocket.

Peter's not

here yet.

He will be.

It's not right

without him.

You're too young now,

but one day you'll understand.

I understand now.

Do you?

Peter loves you.

Keep everybody happy.

The vicar's not here yet.

I'm starting

a wave.

Oh, vicar!

We're grateful you could

come on short notice.

Not to worry.

I love weddings.

People are always

so... hopeful.

- No, this way.

- Oh, yes.

Oh!

What time is it?

Oh, you look lovely,

darling.

We're going to have to

go ahead without them.

But who'll

give me away?

Oh...

Sit down.

Oh, what a

beautiful girl!

It's never too late,

you know.

You can always

change your mind.

I'm available.

Just kidding.

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered

here today...

to join in

holy matrimony...

Edward...

and...

oh, dear.

Sylvia.

Sylvia,

of course.

I knew a

Sylvia once.

She... uh...

uh... no.

She's dead.

That's not you.

Anyway, uh...

to join in

holy matrimony...

Ed and Sylvia.

You don't mind if

I call you Ed, do you?

You're doing

splendidly!

Thank you.

I can't see!

I don't know

where it is.

She had it just now!

You're doing this on purpose.

I'll handle this.

Darling, where did

you have it last?

It was on

the pillow.

We can't

wait forever!

Oh, dear, this

does not bode well.

Does anyone...

have a ring?

Here.

I have one.

There's the chapel!

Oh, dear.

I hate this part.

It is, after all,

in the rule book.

If there be

anyone here...

who knows of

any reason,

any reason

whatsoever...

It may not seem like an

important detail to you,

but you never can tell in

the immortal scheme of things.

One man's pie...

and all that.

So, if there

be any doubt,

any doubt at all,

we might as well...

lay it out on

the table, right now,

why these two

lovely people...

should not be joined

in holy matrimony.

Speak now...

or forever hold

your peace.

Anyone?

I think it's

safe to continue.

Oh, wait!

Is that your hand up,

back there?

Yes, you.

The lady

in the back row.

2nd, 3rd, 4th,

5th from the left!

I'm sorry. It's your hat.

Looked like your hand...

Can we please

get on with this!

Where do they

get these hats from?

Imagine,

a piece of millinery...

almost kept you

from getting married.

Hang on!

Good show!

Without further adieu,

with the power vested in me...

by Almighty God,

I now...

pronounce you...

man and wife.

About bloody time!

You may kiss

the bride.

Why aren't you inside?

Is it too late?

Go on in.

I'll explain later!

Come on,

vicar!

Vicar!

Sylvia!

Don't marry him!

What are you doing?

- He got it!

- What?

- He went to Pileforth.

- I got the enrollment list.

- Mary's on it.

- Not this again.

You shut up!

Tell her, Elspeth.

It's true.

You lied to me.

This is not

the time or place.

You lied to Mary.

Peter was right.

I was going

to tell you.

Tell her now.

I only did it out

of concern for Mary.

On the road with a play

is no place for a child.

Why didn't

you tell me?

I didn't want

to burden you...

while you were dealing

with the wedding.

What I did

was wrong,

terribly wrong,

and I apologize.

What a crock!

You little sh*t!

That's it!

I'm getting out of here.

Come along, Mary.

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