3 Nights in the Desert

1

You're

on WMPW Bard College radio.

Guys, why don't you introduce

yourselves to our listeners?

My name's Travis, I play guitar.

I'm Barry, I play the drums.

My name is Anna and I sing.

So tell me.

How did the band meet?

I closed my eyes and

I imagined this ray of light.

Shut up.

Well, believe it or not, we

were all born in the same week.

So Travis and I were really

drunk celebrating our birthday.

And we run... we run into

Anna really drunk celebrating

her birthday.

So wasted.

Improvising song after song.

Yes.

So, um, where do you

see yourselves down the road?

Where do you see yourselves

10 years from now?

Uh, I really think we

keep doing what we're doing.

Working hard, making

the right choices,

and we'll be doing huge

things in 10 years.

I feel like we're on a path.

If it has some twists

and turns or whatever,

we're gonna make it happen.

Wait, I got your

crystal ball right here.

It says the road

we're on continues.

We'll either be famous or dead.

It'd been

six years since any of us

had seen one another.

Me and Travis and Anna.

We all went our

separate ways, but I

promised Travis we'd spend

our 30th birthdays together.

For the last week my wife been

asking why I travelled halfway

across the country to see

this guy that I hated.

The truth is, I've

never loved anyone more.

For whatever reason

our band really

meant something to people.

I mean, we had fans.

But in the end it

didn't work out,

and I always felt a little

bit guilty about that.

If I had known Anna was

gonna be here this weekend,

I never would have come.

Are you guys, uh,

rekindling your thing?

We never had a thing, man.

So let me guess.

She knows I'm coming?

Yeah.

Who cares?

Brilliant.

Let it go.

Be here.

You look good here.

She'd gone

on to make something of herself.

She was a star in

Europe and in Asia.

But to me, she was just

the one who got away.

Anyway.

Wow.

So why did I come back?

Maybe I just needed to

prove to myself I could.

Maybe it's because

I made a promise.

Or maybe I was hoping to get

a glimpse of the magic again.

You look good.

You look damn good.

You uh, you lost some weight.

Yeah.

Yeah, Julie and

I made this plan.

We do a five mile jog

before breakfast every day.

Well I'm glad you came out.

I know it's hard to get away.

OK, ready?

Oh my god.

This is so cool.

Oh, eh.

At least one of

us made it, right?

I haven't exactly

made it, but...

Ah, I think there's a

half a million YouTube

viewers that would disagree.

People will come up to her in

the streets singing her songs.

Well how do you leave

all your adoring fans?

It was time.

See that?

That's where I'm

taking you tonight.

What's over there?

You'll see.

He's still limping.

You did all you could.

Yeah.

I really missed you guys,

Yes, indeed.

Well said, brother.

Hear, hear.

Man, I haven't had

food-food in forever.

What do you mean food-food?

I mean, last year I

decided no more sauces.

Come on, you're from Kansas.

You can't betray your roots.

A man needs steak sauce.

I figure, why dump

liquid all over your food?

Hm.

Taste?

Taste.

Taste.

Gonna go with that.

There's a taste, would

be another reason.

Oh, in Cambodia they've

got this fish sauce

that they put on everything.

It's amazing.

Very hot and it

makes your tongue

feel like it's disintegrating.

Wow.

Yeah.

God, you've been everywhere.

Mm-hmm.

The only traveling I do

is for work or a wedding.

At least I'm building

up frequent flyer miles.

Mm!

Me too.

Yeah.

What's yours?

Um, a little thing

called Premier.

Mm, Premier Exec.

I should have known that.

You gotta earn the

unlimited domestic upgrades.

I can see that.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, this is great.

The best is the story

of when I got it.

I was this close, and

I realized it at work.

And all of a sudden I

just got up from my desk

and flew to Seattle

for lunch and back just

to earn my status.

The f*** am I sitting here with?

Barry,

that was f***ing great, man.

You liked when I softened up

at the end of the verse?

Yes!

That was genius.

All right.

Hold on, hold on.

I gotta write this down.

No, let's just do it again.

Don't write the f***er down.

Let's do it again, come on.

Give me the ball.

I've

been in the grip of love.

Intimately acquainted

with T-Rex.

So dive into a deed.

I've been fed up.

I mean, I've had enough

terrors in my sleep.

You're the only one I need.

BARRY AND ANNA (ON Then

that soft wind hits

me from the south.

Oh, how I...

So I was going across camps.

I see this guy with

his piercing blue eyes.

He's got the frosted tips.

OK.

He's got a lot of gel in it.

It's looking like a real,

you know, a douche bag.

Aw.

And I said to myself, Anna,

you must know this man.

He was the scholarship kid.

He was dropping $50

on a hair stylist.

That's a tool.

Every girl wanted to be with you

and every guy wanted to be you.

And we got high just

being around you.

Yeah, that's because

I gave you drugs.

That's true.

Speaking of which, um, hello?

No.

We met that day too.

You weren't there.

I guess my first impressions

don't set rivers on fire,

but I'm a slow boil.

Come on, I was sexy, right?

Say yes.

Yes.

Tonight is all about you, dude.

Happy birthday.

It's you're night.

Hehe.

Tomorrow Anna.

What about you?

No, I'm good.

You guys coming out

here is plenty for me.

Oh, that is some regal sh*t.

Cheers.

I'm here.

All right, check this out.

What is it?

No way.

Oh, man.

Looks like you're about to tell

him a secret to the universe.

I'm still waiting for that one.

Yeah.

That's later.

So I'm 5, maybe 6, and I go

into the school bathroom.

And I see a perfect

pile of clothing.

There's Velcro

shoes at the bottom

with these socks

tucked neatly inside.

There were sweat pants folded

on top, military style.

And on top of it all?

A t-shirt.

And then I realized, this kid

takes shits completely naked.

So I got... I figured I got

to get to know this kid.

This kid... this is

an interesting kid.

A couple days later, I see

him out in the playground

and he's being chased

by the a**hole kid.

What'd call himself?

Skeletor?

Harassing him with

this plastic crossbow.

And I wait for the right

time, and they come around.

I go whack!

Whoa.

Knock him on his ass.

I stand over him, I point

to Barry, and I say,

that's my best friend.

OK?

I didn't even know your name.

Wait just one second.

This is great.

We go on this school

trip to DC, right?

And everybody knows Bareman.

He's like the horniest

guy in school, right?

So he whacks it 4 times, 5 times

a day, something like that?

And we're all staying together.

And so, you know,

he's got to hold off.

And he's just getting angrier

and angrier the whole trip.

I was like, Barry, what are

you so... why are you so upset?

He's like, oh man,

I'm just so horny.

When I get home, I could

whack it to anything.

And I'm like, anything?

You could whack to

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