4.3.2.1. Page #3

I know me. We're going to get up in the air

in about 15 minutes from now.

I'm a nervous flier.

I'm gonna have to drop

the kids off at the pooI,

which is a very American way

of saying, "I'm gonna need to poop. "

So, it would be better if I was on the aisle,

because "poop break. "

- Can I... Can we switch?

- Yes.

Thanks, man. You rock. You're so cooI.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Just sit down, already.

Still alive!

I'm glad 'cause when I went

cheek to cheek with him on the cross,

I almost cut one.

My name's Larry, by the way.

Friends call me Big Larry.

I've no idea why. I'm just kidding.

I know why. Look at me.

- What's your name?

- Cassandra.

This is going to be fun.

Drink.

Not many people have the soundtrack

to Prime Suspect, but I was a huge fan.

It didn't really have a beat

you could dance to though,

but it brings back pleasant memories of...

Miss, here's your meaI.

- There you go. And, sir.

Thank you.

Is there cheese in here?

'Cause a pinhead of blue

sends me into shock

and then I need an adrenalin shot and blah,

blah, blah, blah...

- No problem.

- Wait, wait. Oh, no, no, no.

You know what? I'll take it

if she's not gonna eat it. Thank you. Cheers.

No. Let me tell you,

it's one of the things I've learned.

So, if you give the food back,

it's like Branson wins again.

A multi-multi-billionaire.

Best to just eat the food.

Plus, I could use this, man,

I've got a big job.

- What do you do?

- I'm a stripper.

Erotic dancer.

I'm just kidding. I don't do any of that.

I work for IPS,

the InternationaI ParceI Service.

- You've probably heard of us.

- No.

I'm the guy who basically takes a package,

brings it right to you

and puts it in your hands.

I tell all my clients, I'll put it in their hands,

I'll put it in their mouth,

I'll put it right in their ass.

Well, I don't... I'm sorry.

I would never say that to the ladies.

I'm coming right back tomorrow.

Can you believe that?

It's just like... Go over, grab these papers,

somebody sign them. Come right back.

For that, you'd imagine

they'd put me up in first class

with a little more leg room and whatnot,

but, no.

I'm going to be honest with you, Cass.

One thing I've learned in this life,

if you bend over and let people

f*** you in the ass, guess what happens?

- They f*** you in the...

- They f*** you in the ass. Absolutely.

- You want a cracker?

- Yeah, sure.

- Hello.

- Hi, Cass, it's Shannon.

- Shaz. Hi.

- How's it going in New York?

Yeah, it's great.

Look, Shaz, I've got to go.

- Did you see a note anywhere?

- A note? No, sorry. I've got to go, Shaz.

- Okay.

- Sorry. Bye.

- Hey, Cass.

- Hey, Jo.

what's wrong? Calm down.

- He didn't come.

- Did you try calling him?

- I've tried.

- well, what do you mean he didn't answer?

- Are you sure it's the right number?

- Yeah, it's the right number.

What do you think I should do?

where are you?

- I'm in that place that looks like Piccadilly.

- Times Square?

All right, do you have cash

and a credit card?

Yeah. I've got money and credit cards.

You know what? F*** him.

Go shopping, have fun,

and then book a flight home, okay?

Okay, I'll do that.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Yeah, Sunday morning.

VA21.

Thanks.

- Oh, my God.

- Yeah, sorry I'm late. I...

Wow.

- Looks like you were expecting me.

- These...

I didn't think you were coming.

I don't even know what to say.

Don't say anything.

I mean talking's cooI, but I don't think

either of us are here to do that.

This is going to be so romantic.

I know.

How about we celebrate your first time?

It was good, right?

Lie with me.

I got to take a piss.

You sound different.

Do I?

Maybe it's just the sex and alcohoI talking.

Yeah.

But when you type, you...

Oh, man, that feels great.

Yeah.

You...

You don't get jet lag going

east to west, do you?

Oh, God.

Brett?

I hate dreams.

What did I eat?

Where the f***'s all my stuff?

Oh, God.

F***.

Jesus.

Oh, my God.

What?

Thank God I found it.

Good morning.

Can you tell me

how to get to that address, please?

Sure.

Oh, Lord. Cassandra?

- Hey, man.

- Thanks for coming.

I see New York's treating you

the way it treats most of us.

What happened to your pants, kid?

Look, this letter

needs to get back to London.

Yeah. I can totally do that.

That's what I do, you know?

That's my gig.

So, I got a delivery tomorrow, anyway.

Drop the boss's package off

and get this to where it's going.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

Are you sure you're okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

- Okay.

You're a good guy.

Well, thanks. You know my mom always said

that I had a certain thing that...

Hey, Cass?

Don't let anybody f*** you in the ass.

Sorry.

I said

we should have gone to France.

Yes.

I said to you...

Okay. You can do this, Cass.

Just see if it's him, and then call the police.

Cassandra?

Who are you?

- Calm down, now.

- Who are you?

I'm Brett.

Please don't do this.

So what you did to me was fine,

but I can't do this.

I love you.

- You're obsessed.

- It's love.

All the e-mails, all the sweet words,

that was me.

Why would you do this?

I just wanted to see you.

He said he'd fix it, that you'd never know.

He was only supposed to take pictures.

Pictures?

Where are they?

He hasn't brought them yet.

Call him, now.

At one time, it was estimated that

one in six diamonds was a conflict diamond.

The kimberley Process has brought to light

that the purchase of black market diamonds

from this or any other illegal source

endorses an industry

that would otherwise happily flourish

without it.

Diamonds may be expensive,

but they shouldn't cost lives.

Susan Sanders, CNT.

"Cassandra's home movies"?

Where did you get this footage of me?

I hacked into it.

- I fell in love with you, arsehole.

- Yes, with me.

Shut up!

Kerrys?

What the f*** are you doing there? What?

- Four, three, two, one.

That's a stupid code.

Yeah, a stupid code

for a stupid f***ing girI.

"Cassandra's live feed. "

Kerrys.

God.

Dude,

we hit the f***ing jackpot, man.

I got pictures of her a**hole. Dude?

Dude, seriously, what the f***?

Naked Cassandra.

Dude, it's me. i made a video, too.

Hey, look, look.

This is what they call an English rose.

i call it p*ssy.

And, dude, here, check it out. it's talking.

Check it, i'm a ventriloquist.

Sh*t.

Mister Larofsky?

I'm so sorry I'm late.

- Cassandra Phillips?

- Yeah.

I've had the worst...

Before you attempt any sob story

to tug at my heartstrings,

I've held a rule the last three decades.

As you young people say,

if one snoozes, one loses.

Please.

I haven't snoozed.

You missed your opportunity.

Now my wife and I are on the way to dinner.

Please excuse us.

To the Blue Water Grill, please.

Mine are nearly broken.

How you doing, man?

I think I'm nearly free.

We shouldn't have done this.

What if she kills us?

Dude, she's British.

They don't even know how to use a gun.

Sh*t.

What did you do to me?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes