40 the Hard Way Page #6

around, give it a twist, you stick it in.

God! You know what?

I am outta here.

Bye. Keep your little Dubonnet.

I'm gone.

Ah, men.

You son of a b*tch!

You son of a b*tch!

(grunting)

I can't even go to the bathroom!

Mr Witherspoon?

Not looking for the repeat

customers, huh?

Ohh! Givin' me a hard-on, here.

Try skippin' a few meals. Somewhere,

there's a small country going hungry.

What's the matter with this guy?

Cat got your tongue?

We don't know who got it. Got bit

off in a street fight last year.

He won.

- That's my daughter.

- She's beautiful.

Thank you. She's with me once a month.

- Likes to play while I do business.

- Speaking of business...

Speaking of business.

Our mutual friend indicated to you

that I'm looking for a bored-out. 45...

...that can't be traced, something

that won't blow up in my hands.

I can't help you.

I don't know nothin' from guns.

- Right.

- This man sounds like a cop.

Cop! Why? Cos I don't like being fondled

in public by some fat guy with a crush?

It's a joke.

I got money, plenty of

money, Mr Witherspoon. I got...

Hey! Mr Witherspoon, look.

No, no. It's just...

I got nowhere else to turn.

There's this guy. He's all over me.

It's a friggin' nightmare.

He's forced his way into my life.

He's told me, face-to-face,

that he wants to be me.

He moved into my apartment,

moved into my house, moved into my job.

What's next? You know? My old lady?

I know it. Everywhere I look,

I see his smiling face.

I turn on the goddamn TV and I hear his

voice, ya-ta-ta-ta, at me all the time!

You gotta help me. I have got

to get rid of this guy. Please?

Passionate man!

- Watch Julie for me.

- Thank you.

(Lang groans)

Oh, come to Papa.

(phone ringing)

Oh, no!

- Moss?

- Hi. It's Susan.

- Oh, hi, Susan.

- Is John home?

- No. No, John's not here.

- Maybe later he'll be home.

No.

No, I... I'm not quite sure.

- Do you think we could have lunch?

- Lunch? Me and you?

- Yeah, you and me.

- Susan, that would be... that'd be great.

- OK, good. 12.00?

- Yeah.

Right. Got it. OK, I'll be there.

Uh-huh.

If I'm not still handcuffed

to the goddamn sofaaaaa!

I have to be careful.

You understand.

The police frown on the guns I make.

People have occasionally used them...

...for socially irresponsible acts,

but what am I supposed to do?

Exactly.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

This is it. This is

just what I was looking for.

It is a beautiful gun.

Oh, by the way, remember

when I said I wasn't a cop?

I was acting. Not bad, huh? No training.

Can you believe people get paid for that?

- (yells)

- Don't even think about it!

You made a gun like this

with a laser sight, for someone else.

Tall guy, muscular build.

You're gonna help me find him.

- What did he do?

- He's been blowing holes in people.

- The Party Crasher?

- Where is he now?

I didn't know. He meets me.

Gives me some design specs.

I do 'em. I figure he was a gun fanatic.

He's waiting for a gun

I got now in the shop.

Well, you're gonna meet him

tomorrow. You got it?

O... O... OK.

I'm sorry I'm late.

It's just been one of those mornings.

- Couldn't get out of bed?

- No. I mean, no.

No, I just... just busy down at

the precinct. You know, this and that.

- Did you order?

- Yeah. I didn't know if you were coming.

It's all right.

I'll just find something real quick here.

All right. OK. Excuse me. Oh!

I, uh... took this perp in this morning...

...and I lost the key down a drain

after I un-cuffed him.

OK. Can I have the number six, with

romaine instead of iceberg lettuce...

...sprouts if they're fresh,

and a mustard vinaigrette?

No. You can have

what's on the menu, though.

- Can I have an Evian with lemon?

- I got tap water with ice.

Fine.

(Susan chuckles)

The reason I asked you

here is... well, is John.

- You guys are pretty close, right?

- Oh, yeah. Course.

You might say John's been

a role model for me.

On our first date, I thought

"Wow, who is this guy?"

He was so attentive, he was so giving

and he was such a good listener...

...but by the 2nd and 3rd date, I thought

"I wish this guy would loosen up...

...maybe talk about himself. "

Maybe he's just not interested.

- Oh, he is.

- Yeah?

Susan, believe me.

See, I just met you. How come I

feel closer to you than I do to him?

Well, that's...

- We haven't even slept together yet.

- Well, no, I...

I want to. (chuckles)

I used to have this speech

impediment. I couldn't say no.

Bonnie cured me of that.

She cured me of a lot of things.

Never thought I'd date a cop.

What's it like?

It's kinda hard to put into words.

I mean, we live this job.

It's something we are,

not something we do.

You can't become a cop by strappin'

on a gun and ridin' around all day.

When a cop walks up to

give someone a speeding ticket...

...he knows he might have

to kill someone, or be killed himself.

People think this job is like in the movies,

where you get 17 takes to get it right.

We get one take... and

it lasts our whole lives.

We mess it up...

...and we're dead!

Wow.

I wish John would express himself

like that. You know, like... mm!

I'm sorry. I just get...

It's nice having a police escort home.

- You like kids?

- Yeah, yeah.

Kids are great. They're like little people.

You were a big hit

with Bonnie last night.

Well, Bonnie's great.

Susan, listen.

This isn't right. OK? I know where

this is going and it's all wrong.

- What's all wrong?

- It happens to me all the time.

But it's best if we drop it now,

put it behind us, and nobody'll get hurt.

- Ray, I don't...

- I don't know what it is.

Maybe it's cos I look like Nick Lang.

Women go for that boyish type...

...but it's not fair to John.

- Ray, wait a minute. Did you think...

I mean, this isn't about you...

I mean, you don't think

I'm attracted to you?

You know.

No, no. Come on.

You attracted to me?

- No. Why would you be attracted to me?

- I'm sorry.

Of course, maybe if you got

to know me better.

- What we got here?

- Leave her alone!

Don't worry. Shh. He's a cop.

Ray?

- It's not my jurisdiction.

- You gotta do something.

Transit cops get bent out of shape

if you butt in on their busts.

This is useless junk, Grandma!

What else you got?

- Move over, doll.

- Stop it!

- Ray!

- Leave her alone!

- Give me my purse!

- Where's the cash? Check the money.

- Ray, you gotta stop them!

- All right. OK.

All right, hold it right there. NYPD.

Hey, f*** off, pig!

What'd you say?

Sh*t!

(mugger) Holy sh*t.

Let's get the f*** outta here!

Are you a cop or aren't you?

(Lang yells)

All right. You're under arrest!

You pig!

(groans)

Oh, sh*t! Where the f*** are we?

Let's get the f*** outta here!

- Freeze!

- Die, pig!

What am I doing?

What're you...

Get outta here!

Motherf***er!

(yells)

Somebody call a cop!

I mean, another cop besides me.

(sirens)

It could be a hostage

situation. Be cool.

- Come on, let's go!

- We gotta get out of here.

(mugger) Shoot him already!

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