40 the Hard Way Page #5

...for pizza at 8.00.

... for pizza at 8.00.

Oh, man!

Jesus!

(Susan) All right, bye.

Good hands, buddy!

Put it up!

Put it up! Come on!

Yeah!

(Lang whistles tune)

John Moss. The private side.

What have we got here? Bill.

Con Ed.

Huh? A little over

on your Mastercard, John.

In the fridge we got

three beers, domestic...

...baking soda,

some kind of mystery meat.

Whoa!

Some very old cheese. Lacking in vitamins

B, C and E. Explains the temper, John.

Closet. Socks - green, black.

Gun. Gun?

It's my life.

It's my life.

No sh*t, punk. It's my life!

- What's the matter? Find a split end?

- I've been counting.

You have seven different

facial expressions.

So, a date, huh? It'd be an education

to see what you're like with a woman.

A situation fraught

with sexual tension.

Don't suppose you wanna

make it a threesome, huh?

Eight facial expressions.

Nine. Ten. Wow!

I'll tell you what. I don't

have to go. I'll just...

Do what you do in Hollywood.

Rum drinks, fern bar, gerbil racing.

Take that gun out of your pants before

you shoot your dick off. Gerbil racing!

(# "Runaround Sue" by Dion)

- So, what are we getting?

- I dunno.

You wanna share an extra large,

everything on it?

- You like anchovies?

- I...

...hate... love anchovies.

They're my favourite part.

- I hate them.

- Right. OK, good.

Why don't we get a pizza

half with anchovies, half without?

Sometimes they slide to the other side.

That's only when the cook

forgets to kill them first.

- You haven't told us how you got hurt.

- A little accident on the job.

A little accident?

This is our third date, our fourth date.

You know everything about me. You know

where I was born, about my parents...

...the names of Bonnie's teachers...

- How much you weigh.

How much I weigh. And I know you're

a cop who hates to talk about himself.

I don't hate to talk about myself.

- Yeah, you do.

- Yeah, I do.

So I tell you what.

We're not saying a word until

you tell us something personal.

Something you love,

something you hate.

- Something I hate.

- John? John Moss!

Unbelievable. You and me, same place.

What are the odds of that happening?

They say New York's a big town.

Somebody told me

that Sal's had great pizza...

...and I figured it was

either here or the sushi bar.

- I hate those drunken sushis.

- (giggling)

You must be Bonnie.

John said you had a great laugh.

Susan, hi. Ray Casanov, John's partner.

Nice to meet the woman who

turned this big lug's head.

You know, you look just like Nick Lang.

You think so?

Do you like Nick Lang?

I used to when I was little.

I like Mel Gibson now.

I love him. I love Mel Gibson.

- Moss? I got a table ready for you.

- Great.

Great to see you, Ray.

You're probably headed the other way.

- Do you wanna eat with us?

- No, he couldn't.

No, I spend all day with John.

I'm his partner...

(gunshots)

Crash.

Crash, crash, crash.

Wherever you are,

that's a promise from me to you.

You to me. You to me, huh?

(speeded up)... me to you.

...me to you.

...me to you.

You to me. No, me to you!

- ... me to you.

- Me to you!

...me to you.

(yells)

(# "Big Girls Don't Cry" by

Franki Valli and the Four Seasons)

# Shame on you, you cried in bed

# Shame on you, you told a lie

# Big girls don't cry

- Everybody!

- # Big girls...

# Don't cry-ay-ay

# They don't cry

Come on, John. Come on, come on.

Sing along. Did you forget the words?

# An alibi

I tell ya, I went nuts. I wanted to take her,

right there in the office on the desk.

Is that the one from payroll with the jugs?

I get a world-class woody

every time I go down there.

Hey, guys. We got some ladies here.

- Bet that's a first!

- John, it's OK. Forget about it.

- It's not OK. Your daughter's here.

- Don't worry. I know what a woody is.

- How do you know what a woody is?

- Why don't we move to another table?

- Hey, guys, keep it down.

- Man, keep this down!

Jay! You f*ggot! You homo...

Excuse me.

- (Moss) Hey!

- Hey, what's your problem?

What did you say?

John, just forget about it!

Hey, a**hole! Sit down!

(jukebox comes on)

- Get on the table.

- Break his face!

This is ridiculous.

Come here! Hey, leave him alone.

- I would sit down.

- I said, sit down!

It's all right, folks. I'm a police officer.

Ray, show 'em your badge.

Oh. NYPD. NYPD.

And call Midtown.

Tell 'em it's a 10-85.

Can we go now?

I think Bonnie's seen enough.

John, get the check.

Hey, get down there!

Put your hands on the table.

- I gotta go to the precinct.

- Can't Ray do that?

Put your hands on the table.

- No, he can't.

- All right, maybe he can escort us home.

- Hey! Susan!

- It was great!

Susan.

- Hey, they got home OK.

- Oh, it's you.

Sorry about Sal's.

I was gonna meet 'em and leave.

I had no idea they'd ask me to stay.

She's nice, Susan. So's Bonnie.

Decided to take her along, huh?

- She hates me.

- Buy her a pony.

- I'm talking about Susan.

- So buy her a horse.

Hey, can I get a beer?

Susan doesn't hate you.

She's just gettin' to know you.

You gotta... Can I offer

you a little advice?

No, you can't. No. No. No.

Loosen up a little bit, OK?

Seriously. Just... let her in.

- Bare your soul a little.

- Hollywood horseshit.

Where'd you get that last one from?

I can help you, John. I'm serious.

I got it. Pretend I'm Susan.

- What?

- Go with me. This is what I do.

I pretend I'm other people.

If you loosen up a little bit,

you might learn something.

Now, I'm Susan. You're John.

No, you're sick and I'm thirsty.

OK, maybe I can get us started here.

Well?

Well, what?

Talk to me, John.

Tell me what I wanna hear.

Get away from me. Who is this guy?

See? You never talk to me.

You always keep me at a distance.

You treat me like a princess

that you can't touch.

Well, maybe I wanna be touched, John.

- Hey, hey.

- Maybe I wanna be manhandled.

This is crazy.

Don't do this to me here, OK?

- Other men can talk to me.

- What other men? What other men?

- Can I get a Dubonnet, please?

- Is she seeing other men?

- See how he wants to talk?

- Listen, Lang.

- Lang!

- Susan.

- Whoever.

- Susan.

Is she seeing other men?

Frankie? Alphonse? Hm?

Mr Tibor? Come on. Who? Come on.

Susan.

Su...

Sss...

Susan. Susan.

- Yes, John?

- Is she...

Are you seeing other men?

No, John. It's only you.

That's why it's so hard.

I want you, John.

But you just won't let me in.

- Thank you.

- Just a little...

- Ridiculous.

- I thought you were quitting for me.

- This is too strange.

- I'll tell you what's strange.

That somebody so strong

isn't confident in who he is.

- That's bullshit!

- Don't take that tone with me.

- Look... honey.

- Honey's good.

Ever since my divorce, yes, every time

I get serious about a woman, I get scared.

- How many women have there been?

- None, except for my wife.

- And me.

- And you. I mean, not you...

So how do you know you

get scared every time?

This is just like a woman. You turn it

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