40 the Hard Way Page #4

- So you gotta go in there.

- You gotta get my stuff.

- "Gotta"?

"Gotta"? Listen, Nick.

May I call you Nick?

I'd be happy to help

you with your problem...

...but, first, you gotta fill out a form.

Then I gotta get assigned to the case.

Then you gotta wait a few days, or weeks.

Fine. If that's the way

you wanna be about it, that's great.

Don't worry about it.

I'll go in there.

- I'll get my stuff.

- I cannot wait.

(sirens)

Gee, Moss, we gotta

stop meeting like this.

Look, Benny. I'd appreciate it

if you left me out of the report.

Hi, Grainy.

The captain might not like it, me getting

the new guy shot at on his first day.

- Is that all he wouldn't like?

- What?

If I didn't know you better, I'd say your

mind was still on the Party Crasher case.

- It's a good thing you know me better.

- Yeah, good thing.

So where is Casanov?

(yells)

They didn't have 'em.

(man) And stay the f*** out!

It's been a bad day.

(man) Look at the love boat.

(car horn plays "La Cucaracha")

You sure impound didn't have

anything more low-profile?

- Frog dog, Billy.

- I'll have a frog dog too, Billy.

Hi, Bonnie. Is your mother home?

No, this isn't Mr Tibor.

This is...

No, it's not Frankie either.

No, it's not Alphonse. What are these?

Like, guys your mom works with?

No, this is John Moss.

Ah. Well... hello?

(line goes dead)

OK, then I'll call

back later. OK, bye.

- Yo, Bill.

- How ya doin', Lieutenant?

(French accent) Frog dog, huh!

Next time, invite the kid.

- What?

- On your date.

Bring the daughter along.

I don't know what the hell

you're talkin' about.

Oh, do you have any Grey Poupon?

A single mother.

Daughter never had a dad.

Doesn't trust men,

especially ones around her mom.

You wanna get next to this woman,

but you can't catch a break from the kid.

I know, it's a gift.

Why would I wanna bring

the daughter along?

Never mind. What the hell

am I talking about this with you for?

- Banzai!

- Konnichiwa.

- Oh, Bill.

- Oh, Bill.

Good stuff. You eat

like this all the time?

Probably not the best idea...

...from a health point of view.

You know, if you...

...be good to your bowels,

then they will be good to you.

Your nutritionist, right?

Do you want her number, John?

Bravo, Bill!

Oh, Bill, good.

OK. Knock that sh*t off, all right?

It's like carrying a goddamn mirror around.

Don't eat like me, don't sit like me,

and do not smoke like me.

- I'm trying to quit, anyway.

- Me too.

And don't quit like me either. All right?

- John, an actor's job is to...

- Lang, I don't care.

All right! Just stop!

All right. OK.

Tell me about the Party Crasher.

What's this guy's programme?

He kills four people right in front of you?

- What does it take to do that?

- The guy's nuts.

Too many birds in his antenna. I dunno

what the hell it takes. He's crazy.

- You ever kill anybody?

- Counting today?

John, my character kills a guy,

probably an innocent bystander.

- I wanna know what that's like.

- You can't.

Open up! I wanna know what it's like

to be inside your skin.

I don't want you inside my skin!

It's private. What's in there

belongs to me.

You won't learn what it means to be a cop

by eating hot dogs and asking questions.

We live this job. It's something

we are, not something we do.

When a cop walks up to a car

and has to give a speeding ticket...

...he knows he may have to kill someone

or be killed himself.

That's not something you step into

by strapping on a rubber gun.

You go back to your million-dollar house,

your bimbos and blow jobs.

You get 17 takes to get it right.

We get one take.

It lasts our whole lives.

We mess it up and we're dead.

F***, was that great! I'm so...

Look, John. Can you just do

that one more time for me? Please?

John! Oh, well.

John Moss, meaning of life.

John!

(radio) Fourth squad lieutenant. Homicide

in the churchyard. Party Crasher MO.

(Moss) Stay here.

- (Moss) What have you got?

- Same story.

The prick called to say he's coming. The

guy in the church figures it's a crank call.

None of our guys ever had a shot at him.

Some crank call, huh?

What do we know about the victim?

How ya doing?

Neighbourhood transvestite,

entertainer, singer. Never had a chance.

- Still no line on the killer?

- What's this prick doin' here?

Looks like he's got you turned around.

- Hey...

- Hey, go tie your dick in a knot!

Benny, can you write this up?

What's with you?

I can't believe he'd kill in broad daylight.

He's a hambone like you,

he craves attention.

Know what a hambone

hates more than anything else?

- What's that?

- A bad review.

Hey, Frank! Frank!

You want an interview? You got it.

Make sure you get a shot of that body.

Lieutenant Moss. So, what's your

assessment of this Party Crasher?

You don't need a shrink to tell

you he's a raving psycho.

Come to think of it,

he may not even be a man.

I doubt he's got the equipment

for it. He's probably a pervert.

What is your assessment

of this Party Crasher?

You don't need a shrink to tell

you he's a raving psycho.

Come to think of it,

he may not even be a man.

I doubt he has the right equipment

for it. He's probably a pervert.

Whoever he is, he is gutless, he is

pathetic, and when his luck runs out...

...I am gonna be on him like

a bum on a baloney sandwich.

You got that, you chickenshit,

wherever you are?

That's a promise from me to you.

...me to you.

...me to you.

...me to you.

...me to you.

Me to you.

Me to you.

Me to you.

Whoa. Look at this.

- When's your housekeeper coming?

- My what?

Well, you know.

You think cops live in filth,

like in the movies?

No, it's just that

you gotta admit, John...

...filth has a certain

reality to it, a certain edge.

Not that this doesn't. I mean,

this is very fresh, very unexpected.

Hey, you play piano?

(plays "Heart And Soul")

(TV) Look who's back in town.

Where there's fire, there's smoke.

Where there's smoke...

You know the high part?

My dad played.

Ah! Now that's what I mean.

Cop's dad plays piano.

That's a great notion. I love that.

It's got its own reality,

its own authenticity.

- It's very unexpected...

- It's my life.

Too bad I can't use it.

Nobody'd believe it.

Hey, look at this. Got my

billboard down the street.

(Moss) Good. You'll be sleeping

close to the one you love.

(answering machine) Hi, Nickie.

How are you? It's Stacy.

Stacy?

Stacy? You gave out

my number at home?

Hey, John... People find me

wherever I go. It's like a curse.

Do you think I like

not having any privacy?

Bye-bye now.

Hi, Nickie, it's me.

I'd love to get together.

Hi, Nickie, it's Roger.

- Roger. I knew it.

- Hi, Nickie, it's Francine.

Remember me from the Ramada Inn?

God! Whoa! Francine, she's got a sister...

The Ramada Inn? Jesus!

- Thank you, John.

- Hi, it's Susan.

- Susan! Oh, sh*t.

- (rewinds tape)

Hi, it's Susan. You didn't call so

I'm calling to remind you about...

We were supposed to be at Sal's...

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