49 Up Page #7

You just want to protect them

from everything

that's harmful to them.

When you look back at yourself

at seven, can we see you now?

I can't really recognize myself.

He looks a little bit lost

and a little bit sad,

and I think I'm

quite sort of surprised

to be sort of contented

and reasonably happy.

Do you have a dream?

Well, I'd have probably liked to

have played international cricket,

but I just wasn't good enough.

You know, one's dreams go,

and the day-to-day living

of ordinary life and

family life takes over.

I think we just sort of

Live without our dreams.

(laughter)

I don't like the big

boys hitting us

and the prefects

sending us out -

Out for nothing.

When he was seven,

Paul was in care in a

children's home in London.

(Michael) Were you happy at

the children's home in England?

I didn't mind that, really, 'cause

we didn't know what was going on

'cause we were a bit young.

Well, as far as I know,

my mother and father -

Well, they separated

originally, I think.

They eventually got divorced.

I went to the boarding school

for one year,

and then we emigrated

to Australia.

Paul settled with his

father and stepmother

in a suburb of Melbourne.

(Michael) What mark

has it left on you -

The fact that you were brought

up within a bad marriage?

(Paul) The only thing I can say that

I think might have come from that

is just my lack of confidence

and being able to show my

feelings, really, I suppose.

Would you like to

get married, Paul?

No.

Tell me why not.

I don't like, um...

Say you had a wife.

They - they - say you had to

eat what they cooked you,

and say - I don't like greens.

Well, I don't.

Oh, no, I prefer

to be alone, really.

I can't say I don't want to get

married, 'cause I think I do,

but I want to be happily

married, you know,

and therefore I want

to make sure, I think.

(Michael) What is it that you fell

in love with? What is it about him?

His helplessness, I suppose.

It was the motherly instinct in me

to pick him up and cuddle him.

And he's also very good looking, I

think, but he doesn't agree with me.

In the summer he's got this

cute little bum in shorts.

I mean, I can tell

quite a few stories here,

but the one that really irritates me

the most is when we have an argument

he says, "That's it. Leave me."

And I say, "Fine. All right.

I will one day."

We had our 20th wedding anniversary

just before Christmas.

Which is the life sentence.

Yeah. Everyone reckons that we

should be out of jail by now.

To a certain extent

we started thinking,

"Well, do we really

know each other now?"

Because you just

get in the humdrum

of going to work,

coming back home...

Running kids here and...

Kids here and there.

I don't think you mean to, but you probably

stop thinking about each other a lot.

I find it hard to express

emotion most of the time,

although I'm getting on top

of that more now, you know.

Just the simple things,

to say to, sort of,

"Susan, I love you."

something like that.

I can tell you about it,

but I really haven't been able

to say it freely to Sue, you know.

It's a bit hard to talk about.

I did end up having

to get a bit of help,

and it wasn't directly due

to our relationship.

It started at work,

unfortunately,

which brought my self-esteem down,

which tended to affect

everything else.

And I was just very fortunate

that I saw a local doctor

and with her help, I started coming

back to normal thinking, probably.

I mean, I was feeling a little bit

worried about the relationship,

because I felt like I hadn't

progressed. I was going backwards.

And, I mean, I still believe that.

I was thinking that why would Susan

want to be with someone as -

Sounds funny -

but as boring as me,

'cause there was nothing there.

I mean, what do I do?

How do I say it?

It was a shock

that he got that low

and that he doubted

the relationship,

because one thing

I've always known is

that Paul's never doubted

his love for me.

You know, it's always been there,

and I've never doubted it, either.

Did the physical side

of your marriage suffer?

I think it did.

I think it did, really.

...For a little while.

We promised ourselves

when we first got married

that we'd never stop,

you know, touching

or being affectionate

towards each other.

And in front of the children,

we've always been -

And even now with the children,

we still embrace, a lot, both

Katy and Robert. I mean...

Katy will sometimes say,

"Mother, stop it."

I was gonna be a policeman, but I

thought how hard it would be to join in.

I just haven't made up my mind yet.

I was gonna be a phys ed teacher,

but one of the teachers told me

that you had to get

up into university.

At 21, Paul was a junior partner

in a firm of bricklayers.

By 28, he'd gone out on

his own as a subcontractor.

I think when I started

work for myself,

things were looking good for me,

'cause I was out of school,

something I was very

enthusiastic about.

And I was chasing

the dangling carrot

but never got there,

'cause, I mean, really,

I'm a worker and not -

not a businessman.

By the time he was 42,

Paul was doing factory work,

making signs for

a plastics company.

What's the future for you

at work, do you think?

Well, I mean, the job's still there.

I've had talks with them about whether

they were ushering me out the door,

and they say they're not.

Not that I'm that old,

but it's a bit of worry

about getting a full-time job

with my skill levels.

Sue had been a hairdresser

for most of her working life,

but at 49, she has a new career

as an occupational therapist

in a retirement home.

(Sue) You might be in your

40's and getting older,

but you still have a lot to add

and you can learn to go

in a different direction.

I call this my sea change.

Do you have ambitions?

Not really now.

I've been in this job ten years

and never asked for a pay rise.

That's just what

I've always been like.

Has it affected home life at all?

(Sue) It has affected

a little bit,

because I'm not there at home

as much as I used to be

for when Paul got home.

It can be - and I'm sure

I'm not the only one -

It can be quite startling. You get home

and you think, "There's no one here."

When I've been here for

30 years to be home to.

It's really different.

By the time they were 28,

Paul and Sue had two children -

Katy and Robert.

Katy did well at school

and got a place at university

to study archaeology.

They're photos of the dig

in Cyprus that I went on.

And we were digging

in bronze age tombs

that are around the village.

You're the first person in

the family to go to university.

Was it a struggle for you?

It was a bit, because I

had to do it all by myself.

I had nobody to really help me,

'cause mum and dad

couldn't help me

with my essays or things like that.

What does university mean?

I'm pretty happy with Katy,

and I'm not having a go at Rob,

but I've got views for Robert,

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