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do a brother's crusty feet?

I haven't found one.

She just had one little thing

that bothered me, man.

Just one little thing.

What?

Look, if I tell you this

you got to promise

not to wear me out about it.

I promise, man.

What's up?

It's embarrassing, man.

You know, sometimes

she had a little odor.

What kind of odor?

Well, you know,

it was like a female odor.

She stinks?

Sometimes, you know? But usually

I can put up with it.

Oh, man. Today, man,

she just had a tail of funk

just dragging behind her.

Oh, my gosh, man.

Have you ever smelled

something so bad

that it literally hurts you

to smell it?

No, I'm serious.

Like, it physically hurt.

Like you were trapped

in some kind

of Korean military torture

chamber or something.

Just...

Good grief, man.

I couldn't take it.

I had to say something, man.

Oh, J, you didn't say something.

Well, the hell I did, man.

I couldn't suffer anymore.

No, J, you can never

say something to a woman

about something she can't change

or won't change.

Her hair, her skin, her weight.

Her funk?

I can't tell her she stink?

No!

I can't say,

"Baby, your smell

slightly offends me"?

No.

Okay.

I'm not even allowed

to be offended then.

She can be offended

by things I say, things I do,

but me, I can't.

There's no going back

after that.

You know, I just don't

understand how this is my fault.

You know, nobody should ever

have to tell you

to wipe your butt.

Jamal...

No, I'm serious, man.

It's the first thing

that happens to you in life.

Your mama feeds you

and then she wipes your butt.

Yeah, man, but sometimes

it doesn't matter how much

a woman takes a shower.

It's genetic.

Well, if it's genetic,

her mama need to put her up.

I'm serious, man. Pass her down

some herbs or something.

Or tell her about

the family secret.

Man, quit laughing, man.

This ain't funny.

I needed you two hours ago.

Oh, man. I was...

I was having my own drama.

What, with Shanice?

Yeah, man.

It's over.

Yeah, it's over.

It's hitting me a little harder

than I expected, too.

I'm sorry, man.

She was a good girl, man,

but not without her issues.

Trying to be all

Kerry Washington and everything

at age 30.

She needs to be trying

to hold down a job, man.

It's hard out here.

That was my point.

But the woman is holding on

to the pipe dream

with a kung fu grip.

You a good guy, though.

I told you about messing

with them actresses.

There's only one exception,

and that's Halle Berry.

She patient like that.

Try to do the right thing.

Get married, settle down.

Come on, man.

These women can't cook.

They can't clean. They try way

too hard to be a man.

Man, that's what

I'm talking about, man.

I mean, look, check this out.

Corporate America is filled

with almost 10 times more black

female executives than men.

That's true.

I mean, look at them.

"I'm having power lunches."

"I'm taking meetings."

Do you know that Shanice

had the audacity to tell me

that she wouldn't

drive a minivan

if we got married and had kids?

What's she going to drive then?

Told me I can drive.

A shame.

A damn shame.

You know what it is?

It's demonic.

The boy toys, the boy shorts.

What are those, anyway?

It's like these women

want exactly that:

A human-sized toy.

That pays the bills.

Man, you know what I should do?

I know what you should do.

You should get the biggest,

baddest piece of arm candy

you can, dawg,

and just call it a day.

I'm telling you, just...

You're too high-strung.

Just, you know, just date.

Have some fun.

No, no, no.

See, that's too simple, man.

Yeah, yeah, I set my goals

too short

and my eyes too small.

I'm missing vision.

Vision. Okay.

Creativity.

Creativity.

Aggression.

I like aggression.

It's going to be a fever pitch.

It's going to be a what?

Yeah, forget that.

I was the one who was antiquated

small-minded and simple.

Well, you did propose to four

different women in four years.

Exactly. So maybe these women

had it right all along.

Uh, no, you just need

to slow your butt down, okay?

See, you the kind of dude

that you enjoy all this foreplay

but you bail

right before the climax.

No, no, the problem was

none of these women were ready.

I'm going to spread

my love around.

Be selfish for once.

Enjoy planting my seed. Yeah.

Well, now you just sound

like you're full of yourself.

You know what? You got to change

with the times, bro.

My dad always said a woman

would do no more or no less

than what you allow her to do.

Wasn't your daddy a pimp?

I was looking for an angel

when I really needed both, man.

I needed an angel and a devil.

Sugar and spice.

Okay, so you're trying

to date two women.

Three, four, five of them.

See, this is where you always

mess up in the end, man.

You're greedy.

Why can't I have it all?

You can't have it all.

Nobody has it all.

No, bro, I want it all.

If I can't have it all

with one woman,

I'm going to find it

in however many women I can.

Todd, these compulsive

habits you have,

they're not healthy, bro.

They're not, all right?

You are a serial monogamist.

Not anymore.

Maybe you need a thick woman.

See, a thick woman

would work with you, all right?

And every man needs a woman

that will scrape the dead skin

from his feet.

And that cooks.

And takes care of you

like a baby.

"Where are you,

little shnookums?

Little shnookums,

come here."

And that doesn't ask

for too much.

Right. Just a little loving.

Two minutes and I'm out.

Just a little marathon.

Just a jog around the block.

Hey, and if you're lucky,

you might even find one

who'll do all the work for you.

See, I want one like that.

Yeah.

Yeah, some arm candy.

A vixen. A cougar.

Yeah, man, I'm about to bust

this game wide open, baby.

Okay, now remember,

men have been found as roadkill

on the side of roads for trying

to pull off something like that.

It's beast time.

Mufasa, calm down.

The beach is that way.

You've been looking at yourself

in the mirror a lot.

I can...

I can really tell.

I can't take this, man.

Seriously.

You left your phone.

You left your phone.

I'm about to get it, buddy.

You don't understand.

I'm spreading

this loving around.

All right, O, the talent has got

to be top-notch.

I got you, boss.

All right, man.

Oh, I'm meeting with

the suppliers later on,

so I'm going to need your eyes

for the audition.

Hey, don't worry about nothing.

I got your back.

Cool.

All right.

All right.

Hi. I'm here for the hosting

position.

Oh, yes, of course.

I'm Todd, the owner.

Hi.

Give me a second.

Let me get some chairs.

Hey, how you doing?

All right, there you go.

Thank you.

All right, all right.

My name is Kierra White,

and I'm a recent

college graduate.

And I'm just looking

for something

at night and on the weekends

while I finish my internship

at St. Mary's.

Pre-med?

Yes.

Neurology.

Very impressive.

Are you going to review

my rsum?

I will in a moment. I just want

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