4Play Page #3

to get a feel for you.

Okay.

So, what do you like to do

in your spare time?

Well, I run.

I write poetry.

And I volunteer

at the homeless shelter.

Oh, you're just

a little angel, huh?

I'm just trying to do my part.

To give back.

And humble, too.

Thank you.

I just want

to be clear on something.

Here at the Water Lounge,

we don't just want the average

nightclub vibe, you know?

We want people to walk in

and feel like they've had

an experience.

So when it comes to the hostess,

she must be beautiful.

But beyond that, graceful.

Statement-worthy.

I understand.

Do you?

Yes.

Like that 1940s grace.

When women used to stop traffic.

Yeah, that's it.

And men wore suits,

and ladies always seemed

to have a dress on.

Yeah. So wise

beyond your years.

All right,

so let me just...

Let me make sure I got this

all in the right order.

You're hired, I'm hoping that

you're free tonight for dinner,

and I'll cook it right here.

No, it's just dinner.

With you?

Yes.

Well, see, I like to get to know

my staff...

intimately.

Okay.

7:
30?

Sure.

Okay.

Kierra White.

I think I just found an angel.

Yeah.

Hey, boss, I know it may not

be my place to say,

but, you know, one thing my pops

always told me:

Whatever you do,

never crap where you eat.

And this applies to me how?

I mean, do you think it's cool

to be messing around

with one of your employees?

Trust me, we're just going

to have a little fun.

Hmm.

Yeah, that's the same thing

Clarence Thomas said.

So the Brown Betties, huh?

Yeah, I like your style

and I definitely like your look.

But, you know, just keep in mind

here at my club,

we're going to keep it

growing and sexy.

So let me see

what y'all working with.

Yeah.

Squeeze it.

There it is.

Okay.

That was nice.

Real nice.

You know, but, you know,

let me think about it.

I'll get back with you.

And I'll let you know

if you got the job or not.

Enjoy your day, ladies.

Thank you.

Thanks.

All right. Yeah.

Get a load of Marliss.

The Brown Betties.

Yeah.

Next.

Can he walk any slower?

Ooh, he going to break

my damn stage.

All right, so,

what's going on, man?

How you feeling?

So, what's your name?

Call me Tiko.

So, what you going to do

for us today?

I'm going to wow you, player.

Okay.

Go ahead.

I ain't going to be here

too long,

because I got my Smart car

out there double-parked.

But you look familiar.

You look like

my first son's father.

You look just like him.

Bernard?

No.

Oh, she told me

none of them kids was mine.

I'm sure taking care of them.

Anyway, I'm down

to my last Fruit Roll-Ups.

But it's good to be here.

It's kind of fancy.

Got a lot of curtains.

You best be doing something

besides pimping.

And I used to pimp.

I was pimping ho's.

But my last ho got hit by a bus,

and ain't nobody banging

no crippled coochie, goddang.

So I'm just here

trying to find another way

to make some money,

because the damn parole officer

is not going to want to know

about yesterday.

Talking about I got

two more weeks.

He's going to take me

back again.

And again, ain't nowhere

for no pimp,

you know what I'm saying?

I was in there for a while.

I was sending them young boys

to them big boys.

You know, it got out of hand,

because them big boys

was getting real rude.

I told them five boxes

of cigarettes.

They want to come with one.

And I said,

"You ain't getting my best

little young ho over here.

"He a good boy.

I ain't going to let you

go like that, Jezebel."

That was his name.

Boy, I did a white room.

It was Ku Klux Klan.

Everything was cool

until my hood came off.

It ain't really like that.

It ain't really

like that at all.

I think some people

shouldn't wear church clothes

if they don't bathe.

I mean, I was sitting

by this one brother,

he was funky as hell.

I said, "Holy Spirit ain't going

to get up in you,

"because your stink

is the scene.

Your stink is the scene."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

VD.

VD? All right, VD.

On that note...

No, no. VD who?

VD who?

Hell, you got VD?

You better find out

who you got it from.

All right, well,

check this out, man.

I'll give you a call

in a couple of days

and let you know

if you got the job.

You know, I got to think about

some things first.

Where you gonna call, man?

I ain't gave you no damn number.

Oh, don't worry about that.

You know, we'll contact you.

Well, these black lounges,

they don't tell the truth.

You sound like you ain't gonna

book my ass,

and you're going to regret it

when I get on Arsenio Hall,

if he ever get back on TV.

All right.

All right, bro.

He funny, though.

You got to get this stage fixed

before I come up here.

I don't want to be making

no trapdoor.

Oh, man.

Okay.

I'm glad his act

was faster than his exit.

Next.

Oh, boy.

Oh, this is nice.

Yeah, I could tear it up

in here.

I definitely... Yeah, I can

definitely do it up in here.

When do I start?

Uh, hey, hold on.

First of all

you got to audition.

Audition?

Yeah. Audition.

I haven't auditioned

for nothing in years.

Like, people just book me.

Yeah, I know you might

be popular somewhere else,

but I don't know you.

Who are you?

What's your name?

Tiffany.

Okay, so what are you

gonna do for us?

I tell jokes.

Well, make me laugh.

I grew up... I grew up

in South Central L.A.

My grandma raised me.

You know, she taught me

how to be a woman.

She taught me how to value

myself as a woman.

I'll never forget it.

It was my 18th birthday.

And I really wish she would

have told me this

on my 16th birthday,

because at that point I had been

ridden out the property already,

if you know what I mean.

But she pulled me to the side

and she said...

Look here, baby girl.

Now that you become a woman,

there's a certain way

you need to think of yourself.

And every woman,

every woman should

think of herself this way.

Baby, I want you to think

of yourself as a house.

And there's one thing

you got to remember, baby.

Every man wants to come

inside your house.

But you can't be having

all kind of men

going in and out your house

all the time,

because that bring

your property value low.

Mess around and be known

as the crack house,

and you don't want

to be the crack house.

You want to keep the grass cut

and keep it clean,

because you don't want people

walking by thinking

you got an abandoned house,

see here?

And you don't want to be going

out late at night getting drunk,

because somebody will

break into your house, baby.

Right through the back door.

Break in right through the back.

And that'll have you walking

messed up the next day,

talking to the police.

And she said, Once you find

a man that loves you

and cares about you,

he'll go ahead and he'll sign

that paperwork,

he'll put a ring on your finger

and he will buy that house.

And I just want to know

by a round of applause

how many ladies are here tonight

got them a husband,

a.k.a., homeowner.

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