50 First Dates Page #4

Forty.

Can I have that?

I need something

to wipe my ass with.

Shut up.

I wonder what's the matter with him.

Looks like a stupid a**hole to me.

Excuse me. Okay.

I didn't mean to startle you.

- No, that's all right. L...

- Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm having

a problem with something...

Something that I could help you with?

No, no, no. I just...

...can't read.

You gotta be kidding me.

- I can read that for you.

- No. Thank you.

I can do this on my own.

Appreciate the sentiment.

I'm gonna get an order of the...

Pan...

Pan...

Panku...

Ca...

Panclocks.

- Pancakes.

- Okay, I'll have pancake.

- Pancakes.

- Pancah... Pancakes! Pancakes!

- I'm so stupid!

- Oh, don't cry.

- Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

- Don't cry.

- I don't know anything!

- What a loser.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't you sit with me?

You can have some breakfast and

I'll help teach you some of the words.

- Okay.

- All right.

- That sounds nice.

- Come on over.

- Okay, thank you.

- All right.

So I comes before the E?

- Except after C?

- Yes.

Okay, and C is that little

half a squiggly one, right?

- Yes.

- I think I'm getting it.

- How'd you get so good at teaching?

- I'm a teacher. I do it all the time.

I'm an art teacher at

the Haluki-liki Junior High.

Well, you Haluki-liki the kind of

teacher all the kids have crushes on.

I know I would if I was in your class.

Okay.

Oh, boy, do my...

My fingers smell like fish.

That doesn't gross you out, does it?

No, not at all.

Really?

If Lucy gets hurt, I'm gonna chop you

with the meat cleaver.

Okay, okay.

So I had a nice time.

- Yeah, me too.

- Thank you very much.

- Let me get it for you.

- Thank you.

Sure.

Okay.

I just want to eat you up, tomorrow

and the next day, next day, next day...

I'll see you around.

Okay.

Really? That's it?

- That's what?

- All that flirting...

...and phoney "I can't read" stuff,

and you're not gonna ask me out...

...or for my phone number?

- I can't read.

- Oh, shut up.

That was one of the goofiest things

I've ever seen, but I thought:

"Hey, if this guy is so desperate

to meet me...

...he might be worth talking to."

But then I get stiffed.

No, no, no,

this is what happened. I...

Mahalo for the ego boost.

- You're right. You're right. I feel like...

- No worries.

I gotta...

I can read a little!

I didn't know I came before E!

That one I didn't know, I swear.

Oh, you idiot.

I hope you're happy, Shamu.

Marlin. It's Sue.

- Oh, aloha, sir. My name's Henry...

- I know who you are.

- I want to apologize to your daughter.

- Not gonna happen.

She's inside.

We're gonna straighten things out.

Dad, the damn mongoose

got in the garbage again!

- Is this the guy?

- Yeah.

Mr. Roth, I have one simple request:

Stay away from my daughter.

Absolutely. I hurt her feelings

and don't want it to end like that.

It's gonna end like this.

Calm down, little fellow.

I'm gonna kill you! You're a dead man.

Okay, I'm calm.

I'm calm.

- Let me help you up.

- I got it! I got it.

It's just Dad and I work too hard

to protect Lucy to let some idiot ruin it.

I know what you guys do

and I totally respect that.

If you know her condition, you know

she can't have a normal relationship.

The next morning,

she won't know who he is.

And any guy who's okay with that...

...ain't okay with me.

- I'm not looking for a one-night stand.

- Anything with Lucy is, numb-nuts.

Give us a break.

Just stay away from the Hukilau Caf.

My daughter's been through enough.

Okay. I'm sorry.

I could have whooped his ass,

but this gravel, I slipped on it...

Yeah, well, maybe you need to do

a few more butt flexes.

Cheap shot, Dad.

So fresh and so clean.

Hey, Alexa, did you hook up

with that girl from the bar?

- I chickened out.

- Really?

Yeah, I don't know.

I guess I prefer sausage to taco.

- What?

- Yeah. No, I agree, buddy.

Get out of here.

Run for the hills.

Let me ask you something, Alexa.

If you promised a girl's dad

that you wouldn't see her...

...would you consider that

a binding promise?

- Absolutely.

- Yeah?

Then again, there are always ways

around such things.

- Like?

- For example...

...if I promised a woman's father

I would not see her...

...I would simply shut my eyes

while she serviced my manhood.

That's actually a cool way to look at it.

And a very gross way.

He asked me not to go to the Hukilau.

I'm not going there.

I'm not doing anything wrong.

Sorry to bother you.

I'm kind of stuck here.

- Car trouble?

- Yeah. You mind giving me a jump?

Okay.

Appreciate your time.

Not everybody would have stopped.

- You're real sweet.

- Oh, yeah. Thank you.

I can't believe you fell for that.

Well, my grandfather died

trying to jump-start a car.

I'm sorry.

I was just joking around.

I can't believe you fell for that!

Oh, my God.

That was very good.

- My name's Henry.

- I'm Lucy.

Nice to meet you.

You look like a nice...

Hi. Sorry for the delay.

Should be a few minutes.

- No problem. No worries.

- Where you coming from?

Breakfast?

- Yeah.

- How was it?

I had waffles. They were delicious.

I like making little houses

out of waffles.

- You do?

- That's my thing.

- What's your name?

- Lucy.

Hi, I'm Henry.

Okay, pal. When she stops,

just let her pet you. Look cute.

Go to the middle of the road.

Thank you. Right there. Perfect.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Here she comes. Smile.

Where is she?

Oh, my God. Oh, no!

Okay. That didn't work.

Sh*t your pants? So did I.

Okay, this is her.

Start beating me up.

Make it look good.

Give me your wallet!

Okay, haole, what do you think?

You can come to this island...

...eat our pineapple...

- Help me! Not so hard.

- Take it easy.

- Try to bang our women.

Making my sister

clean your hotel room.

Okay. What's that have to do

with this? Relax.

- Hey! Hey! Help me, please!

- Stupid haole!

Yeah, that's right. Take that!

And that! And that!

And that! And that!

You got him. You got him.

Enough. Enough.

- Are you okay?

- Yes, yes...

Okay, I'll be back.

Come here!

No, no! I think he's had enough.

I'm sorry.

My eye!

- You got him!

- Not good enough!

Oh, Kamehameha!

He learned his lesson!

- What's your name?

- My name's Henry.

- You did good.

- Hi. Sorry.

I'm in a community-watch program...

Oh, you crazy b*tch!

Yeah, keep running!

Okay, okay, he's... He's gone now.

Not her. False alarm.

Don't worry, I called the cops already.

I'm all set.

Yeah? You all set for this, Mr. Smarty?

- Oh, sh*t.

- Yeah.

When you're finished playing your

kidnap-victim crap on my daughter...

...come by the house.

Okay.

Oh, boy.

There's something I wanna show you.

We figured it out. She only sings

on days she meets you.

You're kidding me. That song?

That's Mom and Dad's song.

When her mom was alive,

Lucy would have me take that tape...

...on every fishing trip I went on.

- Oh, yeah?

Yeah, she knew it would make me

miss her mom...

...and want to come home sooner.

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