50 First Dates Page #7

Lucy.

Yeah.

Will you marry me?

- Of course.

- Good.

Don't forget about me.

Never.

Good morning.

Oh, sh*t!

- Help! Help!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Lucy.

Lucy! Lucy! Hey, hey, hey.

I know this is hard for you

to understand...

...but we are actually

seeing each other.

We have been for a while now.

Oh! Lucy! Lucy! Lucy!

If I was lying,

how would I know this?

You're an art teacher and you go

to the Hukilau every Sunday...

...and you make waffle houses

and you like Casablanca lilies.

- Stalker!

- No, don't you remember me a little?

I may not be able to kick your ass,

but my sister can.

Thanks, buddy.

Little Sammy Sosa's a bit shook up,

but she'll be okay.

She's watching the tape as we speak.

How's my temporal lobe

looking there, doc?

Don't worry. You're not gonna suffer

any short-term memory loss.

But was your head shaped like an egg

before she hit you?

Don't make fun of Henry.

It's not his fault it's shaped like that.

Note the intense overreaction.

That's the "roids" talking.

- Doug, once again, off the juice.

- It's not juice.

It's a protein shake.

Henry, the boys tell me you're setting

sail for Alaska to study walruses.

- When does that adventure begin?

- That actually began...

...ten years ago. That's when I started

planning and building my boat.

All I know is, out of all mammals,

they have the second-largest penis.

I have the first.

That's my joke.

Did you tell Lucy about this trip?

Well...

...actually, there's nothing to tell

because I decided not to go.

I mean, Lucy needs me here.

I'm just worried about

going away for a year...

...and ruining all the progress

she's made.

I know you think I'm crazy...

...but I think deep down inside...

...she's starting to remember me.

- No, Henry.

That's what you want to believe.

It's what we all want to believe.

But it's never gonna happen.

Okay. I gotta go to work.

Will you tell her I'll be back later

to pick her up?

See you, guys. Don't tell anyone

your sister beat me up.

He could go to the moon and back and

Lucy would never even know he left.

Sometimes I wish my wife

had Goldfield Syndrome.

That way she wouldn't remember

when I called her mother...

...a loud, obnoxious drunk with a face

like J. Edgar Hoover's ass.

All right. There's your medicine,

little fellow.

Ula! Get back to cleaning the pool!

If that's one of your special brownies,

don't let any of the dolphins eat that.

How do you think I get them to

double flip and play with white kids?

Okay, Willie, that's it.

This time try to stay clean

for more than a day.

I made you a nice anchovy sundae.

Okay, enjoy that.

Henry?

- Hey!

- How's your head?

- Oh, it's fine. Don't worry.

- Good.

What brings your royal cuteness

out here?

I needed to see you.

Okay. What you got there?

It's my journal. I write in it every night.

- Oh, you don't like the video?

- No, I love it.

It's just sometimes when I watch it,

I feel like I'm being told about my life...

...from someone else.

And when I read this...

...it's like I'm telling myself.

When did you start this up?

Right after you gave me the video.

- Really?

- I was so nervous to come here...

...and meet the guy that makes me

fall in love with him every day.

Well, you probably thought

I couldn't live up to the hype.

No. I was nervous because...

Because I came here

to break up with you.

You had plans and a life...

...before you met me

and now all you have time for...

...is to make me fall in love with you.

That's not all I do.

I gave a penguin a bath today.

Which I'll have to do again tomorrow.

I look at my dad and my brother's

lives and I won't do that to you.

What do you want me to do? Be some

chapter in your scrapbook and go?

No.

My plan is to erase you completely,

so it's as if you never existed.

Why are you doing this?

Because you have to understand

that there is no future with me.

Don't you want to have a career

and marriage and children?

I asked you to marry me. You said yes.

Kids? Yeah, I'd love to do it.

But how is that going to work?

I'm gonna wake up every morning with

an enormous belly and no memory...

...of how it happened?

I have to make a new journal

that doesn't have you in it.

But before I do...

...I really want you to read

what I wrote about you.

I will read about it tomorrow...

...when you forget about all this

breaking up stuff, okay?

I'm not going to forget it.

I wrote it down. I won't let myself.

And I'm gonna do it whether

you want me to or not.

I'll be at my house.

Okay, type this one in there.

Saturday, November 25th.

I drove out to Callahan Institute today

and had a talk with Dr. Keats.

There's one about me.

Reminder:
He makes funny noises

when I kiss his neck.

I'm gonna miss that.

You sure you don't want me

to put that in?

- We can skip that one.

- No, let me read it.

We made love tonight! It didn't

last long, but it was incredible.

It's not all about how long you go. It's...

There was a connection, I thought.

Actually, let's just rip that out.

Well, that's that.

Henry, wait!

Could I have one last first kiss?

- I ain't gonna do this, Marlin.

- You have to, Henry.

I'm gonna miss you, but I gotta

get the hell off this island.

I'm sorry I can't take you...

...but you've lived here so long you're

too big of a pansy to defend yourself.

I don't feel bad for you. I know you

got a thing going on with Candace.

Candace and Bernice?

Candace, Bernice and Rose?

Yeah. I fell for one chick and I'm losing

my mind. Good luck with that.

Okay, baby.

I love you.

Thanks, buddy.

Remember to use a condom.

Or in your case, a Hefty bag.

Well...

Okay, you guys. Thanks for coming

to say goodbye.

Be careful.

You make sure your father doesn't

get eaten by a shark.

Thank you, buddy.

What does that mean again?

Bring me back a T-shirt.

Oh, okay. You got it.

Come here. All right. Love you guys.

My shirt size is medium husky.

Hey! Kikikuloa!

No flippies off the dock!

You could get hurt!

No! All right. Let the master

show you how to get it done.

Now you kids go down there

and find my nuts.

Sure you don't want to take Doug?

Hey! What the heck

are you guys doing here?

I spoke to the harbourmaster and he

said you were setting sail today...

...so we thought we'd wish

you bon voyage.

This is from Nick and Sue.

They send their best wishes.

That's very nice.

Spam and Reese's. All right.

I love Spam and Reese's.

Can I have it?

I guess.

- Doug!

- That's all right.

- I'm sorry.

- So...

...how's Lucy?

Actually, she's living at the institute.

- When did that happen?

- Three weeks ago.

Said she didn't want to be a burden to

me and Doug anymore. I don't know.

I couldn't talk her out of it.

You know what?

She's doing really great up there.

She's teaching an art class

and she gets to paint every day.

In fact, she's even singing again.

Hey, look, I got a little gift

for you too.

It's just a little something

from one sailor to another one.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes