50 First Dates Page #6

- What are you doing?

- I wanted to try something different.

If it doesn't work,

we've only wasted one day.

Martha Stewart faced charges...

Oh, God!

Okay, I think it's on Go Go

Aloha! I'm Henry Roth

We met here at the Hukilau Caf

about a year after your accident

I lik e you and you lik e me, most days

Every day is different, but basically

this is what happens, Lucy

Kikik olok o, tak e the camera

- I got it

- Don't drop it

Okay, all right

Here we are, right here

The part of you in this re-enactment

will be played

by my good friend, U la

Aloha Sorry about your brain

I had a accident too

Believe it or not, this my good eye

- We ready?

- Yeah

Hi I lik e that waffle tepee

that you have built

Oh! So nice of you to notice

Please, sit down

I would love to

My name is Henry, by the way

My name is Lucy

Smell my fingers?

Fish Right on

So, Lucy, I work at an aquarium

Aquariums mak e me super horny

That's not funny

Don't rub those

Sorry, Mr Whitmore,

if you're watching

It's very late,

and my friend's unstable

Come on, stop with the licking!

You're making me sick

Lucy, I'm sorry

Anyways, I know you wish I was

making all this stuff up

I wish I was too

But the good news is

so many people out there

care about you:

Your dad and Doug and a couple

of your friends here at the Hukilau

who have a message for you

Lucy, as you know,

your mother and I were best friends

That's why I promised her that

I would always help look after you

Sometimes life isn't very fair

but we still have you

Oh, and if you're wondering about

this guy who's making this tape

he's okay

Hey, Lucy Just so you know,

since you lost your memory

I became governor of Hawaii

No, just kidding I'm too smart

Kualaliku! Get your brother

off the dishwasher!

So whenever you're ready,

we'd all love to talk to you

and answer any questions

you have

and you're the best, Lucy Aloha

How many times

have I watched this?

This is the first time.

Okay, she cried for about an hour.

That's not too bad.

I bet in another hour she'll be ready

to see her friends, have lunch...

...get her life back.

We could do this every day.

We'll leave it up to her.

All right.

So how's the cow?

Same as you. Every day they

have to convince her she's a cow.

Wow, look. The bark is healing.

You're gonna get there.

I never hung out with you

in the afternoon like this.

In this lighting, man, oh, man,

you look...

...disgusting.

Yeah.

I don't know how you get me to fall for

that egg-shaped head every morning.

All I have to do is slide on

my designer jeans...

...and just kind of wiggle

in front of you. You go nuts.

Why couldn't I have met you one day

before the accident?

Don't worry, because if you hung out

with me for more than one day...

...you'd realize I'm a bore.

- Oh, well, I have news for you.

- Yes?

It takes less than one day.

You know something?

That hurt.

Your damaged temporal lobe

is causing me pain...

...and I'm gonna get you for that.

Now you're dead!

- I can't believe you're pregnant.

- I know.

- And I got her on the first try.

- Yeah. Easy.

And, Tammy, you are so thin.

Thanks, Luce.

And I'm so glad you finally got...

...that gender-reassignment surgery,

Jennifer. I mean, Jonathan.

Mahalo.

- Here you go, Lucy.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- You must be Lucy's friend.

- The one who made the tape.

- I think he's more than my friend.

- You're my boyfriend, right?

- Yes, ma'am.

So every day you help her

to realize what happened...

...and you wait patiently for her

to be okay with it...

...then get her to fall in love

with you again?

Yes, ma'am.

You a**hole!

You don't even open the fricking car

door for me anymore.

You're in trouble.

I gotta go tinkle.

Okay, so tell me a little bit more

about yourself.

Okay. Well, I've...

...won over seven all-you-can-eat

chicken-wing contests.

- Really?

- Yes.

And I'm a ballet dancer,

but only in my bathroom.

No, what do you want to know?

Do you love me?

I didn't mean to put you on the spot.

I was just asking more for

informational purposes.

It's to keep the video as up-to-date

as possible.

Sure.

Well, love is a very loaded word.

Let's see. I...

I go to this restaurant every morning,

and I see you there, reading.

And...

I love you very much.

Probably more than anybody could

love another person.

And how do I feel about you?

You're excited about

the chicken-wing thing.

And...

...you've been dying to make out

with me for some time now.

Feeling better now?

Nothing beats a first kiss.

There's nothing like a first kiss.

Nothing beats a first kiss.

That's what I've heard.

Nothing beats a first...

What are you doing?

Nothing. I was just getting

some lint off for you.

You were going for a feelski!

All right, I'm sorry, but this is like the

...and they're getting blue.

I know. I know.

I mean, I really don't know.

For me, it still feels like the first time.

Okay, let's average it out then.

It's the 23rd time for me

and the first time for you.

- That's about our 12th time.

- Yeah?

Now, Hawaiian law clearly states

after the 12th date...

...l'm entitled to unlimited

boob access.

Why didn't I meet you one day

before the accident?

You say that all the time.

You want to meet a friend of mine?

All right.

Jocko, this is Lucy.

Lucy, this is Jocko.

Wow! Thank you. Nice to meet you.

He is awesome! He is so smart.

Check this out. Jocko, what does

the teapot do when the water's ready?

- Very good.

- Can I ask him a question?

Go ahead.

Jocko...

...do you think that Henry and I

are ready to take our relationship...

...to the next level?

You sure about that?

Do you think I should bring him

into the other room...

...and take advantage of him?

I saw that hand gesture.

- And I'm glad you did it.

- Really?

- Use that.

- Oh, wow. Look!

- Yeah.

- They're...

They're nodding in approval, I hope.

They like you. Let me get them

out of there.

Mary-Kate, Ashley, get a life.

Thank you. Sorry.

- Oh, they're very nice, though.

- Yeah, so are you.

Let me get you down slow.

- Thank you.

- My pleasure.

All right, I just wrote this,

so go easy on me.

The Hukilau was the place

Where I first saw your face

We lik ed each other right away

But you didn't remember me

The very next day

Forgetful Lucy

Has got a nice caboose-y

I used to trick you into pulling

Your car over so we could chat

But my fav ourite time was when you

Beat the sh*t out of U la with a bat

And we drove up to see Dr Keats

And found out why Doug always

Has to change his sheets

Forgetful Lucy

Crack ed her head lik e Gary Busey

But I still love her so

And I'll never let her go

Even if while I'm singing this song

She's wishing I had

Jock o the Walrus' schlong

Forgetful Lucy

Her lips are so damn juicy

How about another first kiss

Can't fall asleep.

I'm not sleeping.

I'm just closing my eyes.

Well, I'm gonna go downstairs then.

No, no. I'm just resting.

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