7 Days in Hell Page #4

Synopsis: A "documentary" on the rivalry between an American tennis player, Aaron Williams (played by Andy Samberg), and an English tennis player, Charles Poole (Kit Harrington, of Game of Thrones fame). Focuses largely on the match where their rivalry reached a climax - Wimbledon 2001, 1st round - a match that took seven days...
Genre: Comedy, Sport
Director(s): Jake Szymanski
Production: HBO
 
IMDB:
7.1
Rotten Tomatoes:
80%
TV-MA
Year:
2015
43 min
1,612 Views


Are you kidding me?

This guy can do anything.

At this point, sports psychologists

explained it was entirely mental.

No man would ever break the

other's serve because, A...

He didn't believe he could,

and, B... he didn't want to.

They had both made a deal with

themselves that this is how

they would spend the rest of their lives.

And they were okay with that.

And so was I.

But in the 196th game of play,

it seemed Charles was ready

to break that pattern.

Up for the first time

at triple match break point,

Charles had three opportunities

to put an end to the nightmare.

What happened in '98, '97,

I would call the greatest

travesty in sports history.

Please end it.

Please end it.

What the...?

What's going on?

It's David Copperfield!

Oh, my God!

- At that point, you'd just seen it all.

Aaron was in no way responsible.

It was simply a trick gone wrong.

I was supposed to appear on

top of the Statue of Liberty.

But sometimes these things just...

Well, they just happen.

Charles couldn't concentrate after that.

Playing at Wimbledon is hard enough

then add on top of that all the pressure

and fear that a magician might appear

on your shoulders at any time.

Whatever it was that happened, it now seemed

the match would never reach a conclusion.

- 30-15.

- Until...

Aaron, how are you feeling?

- I feel great.

I popped my shoulder back into place

"Lethal Weapon" style, so good to go there.

And Charles didn't try and hit

me with his truck last night.

So that always helps.

Charles, what are your

thoughts on the sex tape?

What sex tape?

Ooh, you hadn't heard about that?

What sex tape?

The one with Aaron and Lily.

- Is it recording?

- Yeah, it's on.

It's going.

One doesn't expect this type of

thing to be released to the public.

It was... rather embarrassing.

Not so much for me, but more for Aaron.

I empathize.

I've been there, you know?

I am so disappointed that surfaced

today of all days, you know?

I don't want to distract from the match.

Whoa, whoa. Hey!

It was his biggest secret.

He started balding around 13.

If you're gonna wear a wig,

why would you wear that wig?

If you are gonna wear a wig,

that's the one to wear.

- Don't touch my hair, bro!

- Don't touch my bloody girl, mate!

- You're dead, bro.

- You're dead, mate.

Ugh!

- Get off of me, man!

- Get off of me, man.

- Get off of me, dude, bro.

I'll see you on the court, mate, dude.

- Get off!

- Get off. Get off!

Would you look at this?

For the first time since 1977,

the Queen is back at Wimbledon.

You have taken everything from me,

but you will not take this match!

I'm taking your virginity next.

This is more of a street brawl

than a Sunday at Wimbledon.

Finally the tension rose to a boiling point

and the lid was knocked off the pot.

Yeah!

Come on, motherf***er!

- Bring it.

- Whoo!

What did you just do?

What'd I do?

I didn't do anything.

I honestly didn't notice anything,

but Charles clearly saw something.

To me, a very clear, very well

done "p*ssy-eating" sign.

It did seem unintentional,

but knowing my brother,

I'd guess it was very intentional.

Well, if Charles had actually

watched the provoking tape,

he probably wouldn't have cared at all.

The one-two punch of

the sex tape with his girl

and whatever gesture he made, it

was more than Charles could take.

- You want to fight me?

- I will rip you in half if you want to go.

This shouldn't be happening at Wimbledon.

- Let's go.

I'll rip you in half, mate.

This is not what you want to see.

- I will rip you in half.

No.

Let them fight.

And that was how it ended.

They killed each other.

They lived to play each other.

They died playing each other.

You know, it only seemed right

that they be buried together

in the same coffin.

I've seen too many dead

bodies on the tennis court.

I would have spent more time with him, but

he was obsessed with tennis.

They were two of England's greatest sons.

Except for Aaron Williams,

who was not English.

Aaron may have died,

but his spirit lives on in all of us.

That was perhaps his greatest trick.

Actually, somebody

should say that at my funeral.

That's the perfect thing to say about me.

I really did love them both.

Charles was so dim.

And Aaron was so bad at getting erect.

It would have been incredibly tragic

if these were football players

or basketball players.

But it was tennis players.

Who cares?

Do you have any...

Any role models?

Oh, yes.

I really look up to Aaron Williams.

He's my favorite tennis player,

and person of all time.

You are a fascinating creature.

Charles Lloyd Poole.

Do you genuinely hate him?

No, no.

I don't hate him.

I mean, I respect the sh*t out of that kid.

It seemed like I hate him,

sure, but hate, love,

I mean, those are just two flip sides

of the same quesadilla, amiga.

The great quesadilla in the sky.

Yeah.

If I die, that should be

the last shot, of my dock.

I don't know what the word "strategy" means,

Bryant Gumbel.

I'm not Bryant Gumbel.

I'm Soledad O'Brien.

I'm at the wrong show.

Putting a tennis player in denim was

the first in a series of bad choices

that I made as president of Jordache.

I sponsored a bunch of Mexican

guys who do cockfights.

I started a JonBent Ramsey line of denim,

after she died.

How's it going?

- It's good.

Like 25%.

I would presume

that there's only one way to grip a wacket.

Oh, no, there's loads

of ways to grip a racket.

- Do tell.

- You can hold it like this

when you want to make

a big shot over the head.

What if it's a very dirty handle?

Last month you crashed

your Lamborghini Countach into your Viper.

What happened?

What's the PC way to say I got

f***ed up with two Puerto Ricans?

There really isn't one.

I got f***ed up with two Puerto Ricans.

- Bro, bro.

- Mate, mate.

- Bro, bro.

- Mate, mate.

Mate!

I actually heard that they dropped

the coffin into the sewer.

A friend of mine didn't believe it.

I did believe it.

I thought that sounds about right.

- How are you dealing with the pressure?

- Just got to get a sip of water.

What's wrong with this kid?

It was seven days in hell.

Why are you looking at the lens?

'Cause I think that would make a good title.

"Seven Days In Hell."

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Murray Miller

Murray Selig Miller (born December 2, 1976) is an American producer, writer and filmmaker. Miller has produced and written for many television programs, including King of the Hill (2006), American Dad! (2010), Girls (2013), 7 Days in Hell (2015), and Tour de Pharmacy (2017). more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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