8 Heads in a Duffel Bag Page #3

I' yee haw! Yee haw!

Enchilada!

Okay, well you call me

if you need anything, eh?

- Will do, thank you, Paco

- Pepe, venga!

Pepe, come on! Pepe!

- God!

- Charlie, what's going on?

The police, this has

got to be a setup! Oh, God!

There's got to be a camera or something

We're in Mexico, why would

there be a camera in Mexico?

Mexican Candid Camera, still on the air!

Charlie! You're acting insane!

- I'm okay

- Would you get it together?

- Okay?

- I'm okay

What the hell is going on?

Look, Laurie, you gotta

promise you won't freak, okay?

Okay

I found something in my duffel bag

Something, oh... I mean, look, it's a...

- What?

- Forget it, it's nothing, it's nothing

- Charlie Pritchett, you're such a sneak

- No!

You got me a present,

I didn't know you got me one

No! No! It's not a present Laurie!

Laurie, don't open it, it's a head

Laurie

Laurie!

Are you okay? Honey, are you all right?

Yeah

- Senora, are you all right?

- She's fine, everything's fine

She had a pepper too,

she loves them, actually, she'll be fine

Are you sure, senorita?

Pepe, Pepe, venga

Pepe, venga!

Pepe!

Pepe, andale! Vamos

Pepe!

You call me if you need anything, eh?

Will do, thank you, Paco, bye-bye

All right

Laurie, are you okay?

Can you stop screaming?

Good God, Charlie, what are

you doing with a head in your bag?

I don't know, you think I know?

Yes, I think you'd know

If I had a head in my bag, I think I'd know

Laurie, Laurie, don't get

upset but there's more than one

What? Charlie, there's two?

- No

- Three? Four? How many?

Eight?

It's those gringos, son locos

Laurie, you're not in the hall,

you're in the closet

Don't you think I realize that?

- Laurie

- I'm not coming out

- Laurie!

- I'm not!

- You have to come out!

- No!

The bodies are in there

I was... I was kidding, I was kidding

Kidding? You're kidding at a time like this?

Well, I had to calm you down

For God's sake, Laurie,

try to stay calm, okay?

Calm? You expect me to remain calm

When you have eight human

heads in your luggage?

Laurie, there may be two people

in China who didn't hear you

- Then what the hell is going on?

- I wish I knew

Could it be Steve or Ernie playing

some sort of sick, hideous, medical prank?

I don't think so,

the thought of blood bothers Steve

And this isn't Ernie's style

They're my best friends, but

come on, they're dull guys with dull lives

You psycho! You psycho!

We don't know anything!

I don't know sh*t!

You're right

Besides, the only heads we

have access to are cadavers

- And these heads are fresh

- Charlie!

I'm sorry, but it's true,

check it out for yourself

No!

- Let's call the police

- No! No! No!

- Why?

- Because we're in Mexico, Laurie

A third world country. You don't just

call the police in a third world country

And tell them you found

eight human heads in your luggage

- Why not?

- Because they have no laws here!

- They'll turn me into a taco!

- All right, what do you suggest then?

We have to think this thing through rationally

- Okay?

- Oh, my God, Charlie

- What if they have your bag?

- What?

Your bag! What if the person

who owns this bag has your bag?

They're going to come looking for you

Laurie, I just took

a mental inventory of my bag

There's no... there's nothing in that

bag that could possibly lead them here

His family lives in Clarion, Vermont!

They're in the furniture business

Laurie is from Denver! Last name, Bennett

B-e-n-n-e-t-t!

On vacation in Mexico

Okay, that's reassuring

What do we do?

Simple! All we have

to do is throw them away

They lock the garbage

Senor Pritchett?

- Ah, Paco

- Can I help you?

No, no, I was just putting the,

the, the trash in the garbage

Putting the garbage in the trash, you know?

- I'll take it for you

- No, no, I got it

- What is it?

- It's? It's none of your business

No, Senor, I meant what kind

of garbage is it? Aluminum? Plastic?

We recycle here

It's, it's really not recyclable,

it's, it's perishable

- Oh, well, perishables we compost

- It's really not compostable

Sure it is!

Everything perishable is compostable

Jesus Christ!

I mean, come on!

I'm sorry, senor!

Go ahead and put it in

- Thank you

- I'll take care of it later

Actually, you know what? It's fine

I'll just take it back

It's really not that bad. I just need

some oil and formaldehyde and vinegar

And it'll be just as good as...

- Are you sure, senor?

- Yes, thank you, Paco

Mom, why are you bringing

my inheritance into this?

Excuse me!

You still haven't changed?

What are you doing?

- Well, l...

- No, not you, mom

I found a roa... roa... a rat in my room

And it had a ball of...

I don't wanna be rude, but are you coming?

Or am I going to spend the entire

day waiting in the lobby for you?

I am so sorry, I'll be right down

What am I going to do? Flush them?

Nothing fits around here

No, no, no, por favor, no clean

No clean, room clean, no clean

- No clean

- No clean, gracias

No, I mean, I'm, I'm

asking you to come, mom

But there's really no need for you to come

Mom, it's two hundred degrees here

You go in here! Like that!

Mom, if we're cut off, it's the lightning

What?

Let's go rent a boat! I got 8 human heads

in my room and I gotta go rent a boat!

Okay

Mrs. Pritshett?

Hi, this is Ernie Lipscomb,

Charlie's friend from medical school

Oh! Great! Great! The number

of as many hotels as you can give me

No, I know, it is, it is late

It's just that we've run into

a little bit of a situation up here

All right, okay, the Mayan

- That sounds great

- No, no, no, relax, everything's fine

But I do need to get a hold of Charlie. Did

he tell you what hotel he was staying at?

He didn't...

Right, no, I know how sons can be

- All right, and that's the last one, right?

- Yeah, no, I'm good

- School's a little crazy

- Well, thank you

You know how that goes

You sure he's only going away for a week?

- He packed enough stuff here for a year

- Charlie is a compulsive packer

"Sleight of Mind" by

Charlie Pritchett again

He's writing a detective novel

Yeah, it sounds like

his autobiography

It's a pun on sleight on hand and dim-witted.

You know, a pun, play on words, get it?

No, no, no, relax. Everything's fine

No, I don't know

we got midterms

I'll talk to you soon, Mrs. Pritshett

gotta go, bye

I popped the last guy

who tried to pun me, a**hole. Get it?

Yeah, I get it too.

Make some more calls

You too, a**hole

Charlie, this is none of my business,

hopefully... but, let's review

You've been pre-law,

pre-architect, pre-vet, pre-med...

- No, I'm in Med.

- He's an intern

And now Laurie tells me you've been

thinking about becoming a head-shrinker

- Charlie

- A... a what?

Shrink, headshrinker, psychoanalyst

Whatever you call an

overpaid hand-holder these days

Actually, sir, I was thinking about that...

but I don't know what I'm doing anymore

- I'm certainly aware of that

- Dad, enough...

Annette?

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