A-Haunting We Will Go

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Well, gentlemen, we trust you|spent a comfortable night with us.

And we hope|that your breakfast was satisfactory.

Well, to be truthful,|my oatmeal was a little lumpy.

I would've been more comfortable|with another mattress on my bed.

We'll correct those defects|on your next visit.

- Thank you. Goodbye.|- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.|- Goodbye.

What a peaceful day...

Now, listen, if you aren't|out of town in six hours...

...you'll spend 60 days|with a pick and shovel.

Stay away from the freight yards|and stick to the highway.

Well, here's another nice predicament|you've gotten us into.

Your oatmeal was lumpy.|Get out!

Florida isn't that way.|It's this way.

Want a lift, boys?

Okay.

Oh, yes, sir.|Thank you very much.

Yes, sir.

Whew!

- You all right?|- Yes, sir.

Here we go.

- Gosh, I think my battery is dead.|- I'll give you a push.

- Oh, thanks.|- Only take a second.

Tell him to put it in gear.

- Put it in gear.|- Okay.

And when I get it going fast|to let his clutch out.

- When it's fast, let your clutch out.|- Right.

Come out and help me.

- Come out and help him.|- Not him, you.

- You all ready?|- All ready.

- Here we go.|- Go ahead.

- Well, thanks ever so much, boys.

- Aren't you going to Florida?|- Florida?

Yes, I hope to go to Florida someday.

I hear it's a very, very pretty place.

I've got to go in the house|and phone for a battery.

Thanks for everything.

See what Superman is doing.

Listen to this:
"Free transportation|and expenses to Dayton.

Phone Evergreen 4-2120."

This is our chance to get out of town.

See if there's one for Florida.|I'm dying for an orange.

You'll have to be satisfied with Dayton.

Come on.

436. This is it.

It's locked.

Another customer.|Hurry up, get that wig on.

And ditch that cigar.

The glasses.

Good morning, sir. I phoned|in answer to your advertisement.

What does he want?|We didn't advertise for two.

But we can do the work of one.

It so happens that our business|takes us to Dayton and I thought...

- We'll see. Come in.|- Thank you.

This way, please.

Aunt Mary, these gentlemen have come|in answer to our advertisement.

- Now what did I do?|- Shh.

She's all broke up over her boy.

- What happened to him?|- Caught a cold, went like that.

Where did he go?

May we offer our deepest sympathies.

- Mine too.|- Thanks.

Come this way.

Here he is, Cousin Charlie.

Sweeter boy never lived.

But what has he got to do|with the trip to Dayton?

- He's going too.|- With us?

No, you're going with him.

Ollie, let's go to Florida.

I'm sorry, sir, but we couldn't|even consider it.

My partner and I have confidential|business to discuss on the way...

...and, well, three's a crowd.|Goodbye and thank you very much.

Well, how do you like that?

Gee, they was perfect for it.

- A stupider pair of jerks I've never seen.|- Perfect is right.

Only a BB-head would let them|get away.

- I didn't think they were sharp.|- Who asked you to start thinking?

- You're in for a sock on the chin.|- Go ahead and start...

Now cut it out, you guys.

You know, Joe,|it ain't right to hit a dame.

- I don't like that crack either, Darby.|- Okay, Ma.

Look, the police.

- We'd better go back.|- To the coffin?

Better to spend one night with a corpse|than 60 days with the cops. Come on.

DORBELL RINGS:

Uh, we've changed our minds.|That is, if we could both go.

Yeah, I can ride on Ollie's lap.

Just a minute, please.

Aunt Mary's anxious|to have you accompany Charlie.

She says you remind her|of her two nephews...

...Sheldon and Cheesey.|- Isn't that sweet.

I'll give you 100 bucks for the job.

Half when I meet you at the train,|the rest when you deliver Charlie.

That's fine. Now, could we have|a little something on account?

- On account of we haven't eaten.|- Well, here's 20.

- Thank you.|- I'll give you the other 30 at the train.

It's the afternoon train|for Dayton, 4:00.

We'll be there. Goodbye, ma'am.

We'll take good care of Charlie.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Okay, Darby.

Nice going, Joe. You handled it great.

Take it easy. It's the back door.|Get it, Joe.

- Who is it?|- It's me, Dixie.

You little rooster.

- There he is.|- Doc Lake, you old walrus.

Greetings, Joseph, my boy.|You're looking fit as a fiddle.

- Alcatraz agrees with you.|- It was tough but I can take it.

JOE:
|Are we glad to see you.

Guess who this is.

Why, I don't believe|I've had the pleasure.

- How do you do, Mrs...?|- Mrs. Frank Lucas.

What?

How are you, Doc?

Well, I declare.

Since when have you|gone in for histrionics?

Still hanging lace on your language.|How you been doing?

Where do you think I dug up the old|croaker? Reading palms in a gypsy joint.

- Merely a fill-in during a financial hiatus.|- I see.

Doc, we got another surprise|for you too.

Wait until you see this.

Darby Mason.

Who got him? The police?

No, and they never will.

We fooled you, didn't we, Doc?

Yes. You boys had me|at a great disadvantage.

This is very mysterious to me.

- Didn't Dixie tell you?|- No.

- You wanted to surprise him.|- Show him the clipping.

Here.

"Attorney still seeking Egbert Norton,|heir to fortune.

The will of the late|Jasper 'Rags' Norton, aged recluse...

...who was found dead in his shack|at the city dump last year...

...is to be probated next Thursday.

The will bequeaths|his entire fortune of...

...$250,000 to his missing nephew,|Egbert Norton...

...but provides|that in case he is not located...

...the entire estate goes to the city|for the erection of a new zoo.

Anyone knowing of his whereabouts|is urgently requested...

...to contact Attorney Malcolm Kilgore,|executor of the estate."

Can you imagine using my 250 G's|to cage up a lot of moth-eaten animals?

Your 250 G's?

Dr. Lake,|I happen to be Egbert Norton.

No.

How do you like that for a handle?|"Egbert."

Never mind the cracks, Dixie.

Why, it's a veritable bonanza.

Oh. But you, you're as hot as a volcano.

That's the idea of the wooden overcoat:|A pushover.

Remember that sanitarium|near Dayton?

- I do.|- The place is still there...

...broken-down and deserted,|and you're going to open it up again.

That, my boy,|would be extremely hazardous.

Not for a few days, it won't.|We're gonna work fast.

You and Dixie will take|the 3:00 plane out.

- Frankie and me will go on the next one.|- Yeah?

- What about Darby?|- He's going on the train in the box.

Yeah. Come here.

Get the air conditioning.

You can open it from the inside. See?

- Will I get enough air, Doc?|- Why, of course.

- During normal breathing, a man's...|- Never mind the lecture.

- Will I be breathing when I get to Dayton?|- You have my guarantee.

You see, we got nothing|to worry about.

Yeah, we've got nothing|to worry about, eh?

Attention all police officers,|highway patrols, and county sheriffs.

Darby Mason is believed|trapped in the city.

Watch all airports and depots.

Repeating his description:|He is 6 feet tall...

...brown complexion,|and when last seen...

Cover this end of the platform, men.|Keep a sharp lookout.

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