A-Haunting We Will Go Page #2

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Looks like a police convention.

They just come down|to see that we leave town.

Why, don't they trust us?

Gangway, fellas.

- Look, here's Charlie.|- Just a minute.

- We'll help. We're taking him to Dayton.|- Okay.

Give me a hand.

Here, hold that.

- Clumsy.|- It slipped. I couldn't help it.

That's all right. They can take it.

Thanks for the help, fellas.

- I wonder where Charlie's friend is.|- I wonder.

- We'd better go look for him.|- That's a good idea. We'll go and look...

- Hey. Come here.|- Oh, hello there.

- It's nearly time and we were worried.|- Yeah, about the other $30.

- Charlie's right over there.|- As snug as a bug in a box.

- Here's your 30.|- Thank you.

Get this. Check the coffin|through to Dayton.

When you get there, Mr. Draper of|the Deluxe Funeral Parlor will meet you.

Is that clear?

Yes, sir.

Okay, hold it.

Hurry it up, boys. We're late.

Wilcox?

- Step on it. We can't hold the train.|- We got tied up in traffic.

Show folks wait till the last minute.

- Suspense, colonel. We live by it.|- Well, start tying them on.

DANTE The Magician|TEMPLE THEATRE, DAYTON, OHIO

- Is my costume trunk on, Tommy?|- Of course.

- I told you it always goes on first.|- Just checking.

You won't forget the time|I left it in Philadelphia.

Assisting Uncle Harry in a bathing suit|made an impression on me.

On the audience too.

- Anything I can get you?|- Wait till I give these to Wilcox.

- I'll be with you.|- Okay.

- Your tickets. Check him through.|- Goodbye.

Don't worry about Charlie, because...

Pardon me, are you the baggage man?|Will you check Charlie onto the train?

- Who's Charlie?|- Right over there.

- He's going to Dayton.|- Yeah? Well, he almost missed the train.

- He's got plenty of time.|- Better step on it.

From ATLANTA|To DAYTON

We'll get him there.|Don't worry about that.

Aboard!

A tidy little nest egg.

How about some dinner?|I'm getting hungry.

Don't be so greedy.|We just split a hamburger.

And besides, we can eat in Dayton|for half of what it costs in the diner.

- I'll be twice as hungry in the morning.|- Don't bicker.

By the way, Phillips, have we enough|money for expenses in Medford?

By Jove, it slipped my mind.

- How much you think we'll need, Parker?|- I should say $ 100 will suffice.

I hope you have|the necessary dollar bill.

Fortunately, I just have one.

Thank you.

Did you see that?

He put a dollar bill in there|and a $ 10 bill came out.

Pardon me, gentlemen,|but isn't that counterfeiting?

Oh, no, no.

You look like a man familiar|with good United States currency.

- Up to a certain point.|- Amazing. Silk threads and all.

- Hm.|- It's genuine, Stanley.

It certainly is. Mm-mm-mm.

Thank you.

A $ 100 bill!

- You think $ 100 will be enough?|- We'll manage all right.

Just what is all this about, sir?

Is it possible that men|of your apparent intelligence...

...have not heard of the "Inflato"?

You see, we've been out of town,|haven't we, Ollie?

- Inflato?|- Yes, the name of this little device.

Inflato, taken from the word "inflation."

It's a spread-the-wealth project|sponsored by the O.C.C.

- What's an Ock?|- Ock?

O.C.C.,|Office of Currency Circulation.

Where could we get one of those?

We'd only make enough|for our bare necessities.

- And a swimming pool.|- Yeah.

I'm afraid the O.C.C. Had issued|the Inflato quota for the year.

We're getting into Medford.

Phillips, I've always subscribed|to the idea...

...that the American public|is 99 percent honest.

As I have my Inflato in my trunk, I think|we can let these gentlemen have this.

They look honest.

I'll never use another slug in an Automat.|Cross my heart.

- There you are.|- Thank you. Thank you.

In case we haven't enough money|to carry us in Medford...

...would you give us the cash you have?|- Oh, sure, gladly.

There you are, sir. You'd better|leave us a dollar to start production.

- Of course.|- Thank you. Two princes.

- A pair of kings.|- A couple of jerks.

- What a stroke of good fortune.|- It sure is.

Let's try it and see|what a $ 1000 bill looks like.

Think of what we can do|for our country, you and I.

- And Inflatto.|- Inflato, stupid.

We can take the whole world|out of bankruptcy.

- And our watches out of hock.|- There will be no more poverty.

- It will stop all crime.|- You know what?

We can put every cop on a pension.

Except those two that pinched us,|you remember?

- I wouldn't...|- I'll grind out millions...

...billions for our people,|night in, night out...

...day in, day out.

As long as this good right arm...

- has the strength to carry on.

There's no further need|for thrift, Stanley.

I know, but it might rain tomorrow.

Aah.

- Enjoying your dinner, gentlemen?|- Yes, indeed.

- How much is the check?|- Now, let me see.

Two number 7's|and two number 8's...

With a couple of New York steaks|and a couple cigars.

- Which comes to 6.80 even.

- Very, very reasonable.|- It certainly is.

There you are, my good man.|Give me a dollar and keep the rest.

PHONEY MAZUMA|YOU CAN'T PASS ME

Yes, sir, this sure is a good trick.

But y'all can't pass|stage money on me.

Stage money?

Something's happened to Inflato.

- Ordinarily, this produces millions.|- While you wait.

Now, if you gentlemen is serious,|I got to go and report this.

Give it another whirl, Ollie.|Let me try it.

Wait a minute, maybe l...|Let me try, see if I can't get this thing...

Maybe I can get it from this side.

What kind of a phony are you guys|trying to pull here, anyway?

- Something's gone wrong with Inflato.|- Yeah, it's got him by the throat.

Aah!

Very funny.|Now, just cough up $6.80.

This thing's supposed to print money,|with silk worms and everything, isn't it?

I've heard some dillies in my years on|this road but this one wins the marbles.

You guys dig up the dough|or off you go at the next stop.

- Just be patient. I'll get the money...|- What are you trying to do?

Insult my intellect?

Tell Vince to stop at Milledgeville.

- Blackguard.|- And his name fits him too.

- We better go and find those two.|- Before we get to Milledgeville.

I should say so...

Oh, gracious.|Look how they stay on.

- Gee, that's good.|- It's all by magic. There, try it.

- Why do they stay on?|- But they don't stick.

- Do another one, Mr. Dante, please.|- Oh, all right.

- What is this?|- Sugar.

- Are you sure?|- I'm positive.

You watch me, I'll cover it|with a napkin. That right?

- Yes.|- Sim Sala Bim.

- Oh, it's candy!|- We want some!

- Would you like to see another one?|- Oh, yes.

Here's another one I do with sugar.

- Sugar?|- Yes.

You just watch this.|And it's empty?

Yes.

This time you say "Sim Sala Bim."

- Sim Sala Bim.|- Good.

- A duck!|- Oh, how cute.

- Cute. Isn't it cute?|- He's sweet, isn't he?

- You like ducks?|- Yeah.

- There you are. You take good care of it.|- Thanks a lot, Mr. Dante.

You're welcome.

- Your change, sir.|- That's for you, son.

- Oh, thanks.|- And a couple of passes for my show.

- Oh, thank you.|- You're welcome.

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