A Bigger Splash

(DRUM BEATS)

(LOW MURMUR OF STADIUM CROWD)

(ELECTRIC GUITAR CHORD)

(CHEERING)

(CROWD CHANTING)

(CHEERING)

(ELECTRIC GUITAR CHORD)

(CROWD CHANT) Marianne!

Marianne! Marianne! Marianne!

(FLIES BUZZING)

(FLIES BUZZING)

(PANTING AND GASPING)

(PANTING AND GASPING)

(ENGINE ROARS)

(MUSIC:
OBSERVATORY CRES BY CAPTAIN BEEFHEART)

While the city was busy

We wanted to rest

She decided to drive up to

Observatory Crest

We just saw the concert

And heard all the best

We went on a ride

We got outside

The sand was...

(UPBEAT MOBILE PHONE RINGTONE)

I hate that sound.

It's unknown.

- Hello?

- (HARRY) Aha! I found you.

Guess who it is.

Marianne, I know you're resting,

but you have to be better.

When it happened to Adele,

- she was yodelling again in three weeks.

- Harry.

You think I didn't do my homework?

Listen.

- I'm landing in Pantelleria in five minutes.

- Harry, listen, it's Paul.

Meet me there and boy!

- Do I have a surprise for you and Paul!

- We're at the lake. Harry.

I've got to go.

I'm landing in five minutes.

(LINE GOES DEAD)

He's calling from the plane.

He said he's got a surprise for us.

(DISTANT ROAR OF JET ENGINE)

(BACKGROUND CHATTERING)

(HARRY LAUGHS) I don't want that

to be the last great thing I ever do.

I mean,

maybe you're my swan song, love!

Jesus, does he ever stop?

(SOFTLY) My god.

Hey! (CHUCKLES)

Is it you? Is it you? Yes!

God!

I am so f***ing happy to see you!

Why didn't you let me know you were

here? You know I love this place.

I'm in Rome all summer.

You can talk, can't you?

Come on, tell me you're better.

Yes, you are. What?

Ah, what? Not at all?

Well, the doctor said two more weeks.

It's the kid. Hey!

Come here, you old bucket.

- You look fantastic!

- Oh, thanks.

You look sexy, kind of metro-sexy.

(CHUCKLES)

I'm sorry we didn't call,

but we're hiding out.

What? Hiding out? Well, not from me.

Come on! Not any more, anyway!

Come on,

when I'm finished with you,

you'll be singing

those gravelly Gs again.

Oh, Penny, Penny, come here!

Right, Pen, meet Marianne and Paul.

- Hi!

- Oh, you brought a protge.

- Nice to meet you.

- I'm his daughter.

- Excuse me?

- (CHUCKLES) The looks on your faces!

I'm sorry,

I should have warned you.

Everyone's making

the same mistake. Pen, say hello.

Hi! Yeah, he really loves it, though.

She seems shy, but she is

a lovely b*tch, like her mother.

And underneath, she is

every inch my girl, aren't you?

- Yeah.

- I think so. We're kind of..

- Where are your wheels? Let's go.

- Uh, right in front.

- (PAUL) So you didn't get a room?

- (HARRY) Is that going to be a problem?

(PAUL) Yeah.

It's San Gaetano tomorrow.

(HARRY) Ah! Sh*t. Yes.

No, 'cause last year they did it late

because of the ferry strike.

Okay, anyway, doesn't matter.

Oh, I know where we should go.

We can go squatting at Fabrizio's.

He'll put us up.

But now, keep going, it's up here.

There's a restaurant in the hills here

and, Pen, you're going to love it.

It's amazing. (CHUCKLES)

Fantastico! Pantelleria!

Ta-da! (CHUCKLES)

You didn't know this was here?

Don't tell me you've been eating

out of the fridge all this time.

They only serve dinner

and only until September.

Then it's fallow again until June.

(DISTANT CHATTERING)

(MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND)

Harry, come on, that's a grave.

Yeah, well,

Europe's a grave. (CHUCKLES)

Oh, ah, f***.

So when did this happen,

you and Harry?

Last year. I finally put some pieces

together and figured it out.

Mm. You're on your college break?

On your Grand Tour?

Yep. Normally I'd be spending the

summer in Connecticut with my mother,

but she gets sick of me. Annie!

(GIGGLES)

She gets sick of me

and she just ships me off somewhere.

This year, it was to Harry.

So... (GRUNTS) you again?

Happy? Say yes.

- Yeah, I'm fine. How are you?

- Happy to see me?

Oh, f***. It's full.

Shall we tell them who you are?

Oh, we don't do that anymore, Harry.

Well, I think we may have to

'cause it's absolutely choccer.

(HAPPY CHATTERING)

Good evening.

Good evening.

- A table for four.

- I'm booked, fully booked.

Maybe tomorrow.

- Marianne Lane. Do you know her?

- No.

She's famous.

- It's Marianne Lane!

- Who?

(WHISTLING)

It's Marianne Lane, that's her!

The place is full.

Rosario! Give him this table.

Fine.

A table just freed up.

Go take a seat.

Thanks.

Okay, guys, we're good I think.

Your name did it.

Thanks!

- Good evening.

- Thanks. Do you know Marianne Lane?

- Harry!

- Hi.

(MIREILLE) Unbelievable, my God!

Good evening...

(ALL CHAT IN ITALIAN

IN BACKGROUND)

Good evening, madam.

It's Harry. Did you arrive from where?

(HARRY) Oh, from Rome. Hello.

Hello!

(EXCITED CHATTERING)

- (MIREILLE) You look great!

- (HARRY) Thanks!

(MIREILLE) Everyone, this is Harry!

(HARRY) It's the same group

of people wherever you go.

- So what are you going to have?

- No, she can't talk, all right?

(MARIANNE CROAKS)

I would love a daiquiri.

- Marianne!

- Have a daiquiri!

Hotels are booked solid. There's meant

to be one room left at the Yacht Marina

and Piero says there's a queen bed

we could use on the boat.

At any rate, we got to get out

and enjoy the weather tomorrow,

'cause the sirocco's on its way.

That's the warm wind from the Sahara

I was telling you about.

- With rain?

- No, it's dry, with sand.

Marianne, Paul's headaches,

are they a problem here?

Harry, stop this f***ing sh*t,

all right? She can't talk.

- I'm not going to repeat it!

- (HARRY) Of course she can talk.

When Bjork had her operation,

after two weeks she was...

I don't give a f*** what Bjork said,

all right? Or Adele.

No. Nothing's a problem here.

Nothing a few Nurofen

can't take care of.

(IMITATES BRIDGE KEEPER IN

THE HOLY GRAIL) What is your name?

What is your favourite colour?

Seriously, you want me

to deck you? F***ing...

(MUTTERS)

What is your quest?

(CHUCKLES)

To not end up like Julie Andrews.

Get it?

Excuse me, four daiquiris.

No, three...

- Not for me.

- Oh, f***, sh*t, yeah, sorry.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER

AND GIGGLING)

(HARRY)

What, what, what did she say?

- (PAUL) She says her feet hurt.

- (HARRY) No!

That's what she said.

She's getting a blister.

If you've got something to say,

say it to me.

She's asking you to stay.

Oh, Christ, that took forever.

- Is there a pool?

- Mm-hm.

(ITALIAN POP MUSIC

PLAYS ON RADIO)

Ah. Yeah, this place isn't bad, eh?

Where are they?

(PAUL) They're shooting

a commercial in Thailand.

(HARRY) Uh-huh.

Well, where am I?

No, it's down at the property.

It's a little dammuso.

It used to be a stable for the donkeys.

Oh, far away.

Safe distance, eh? (CHUCKLES)

Mm-hm!

(CHUCKLES)

You can't talk or won't?

(MOUTHS)

Cancer?

Oh, right.

Your career.

Cool.

I'm 22, you know.

(MARIANNE SOFTLY) Cool.

(SINGS IN ITALIAN)

F***!

Woo! (CHUCKLES) Woo!

(WHOOPS)

Look! Woo!

Fantastic!

Aha, okay. What have we got here?

How are the pots and pans?

Uh-huh.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes