A Case of You Page #2

kindness or something like that.

Listen, Alan, I don't know.

Lookit, I'm not saying that this

stuff is actually hard-on-inducing,

but you pop off a couple

more of these bad boys...

Alan, I think I'm gonna start

writing something else.

Something original.

Okay.

Something personal.

Yeah.

Listen, I totally get it.

So I'm gonna take a little time off and

start working on this thing, okay?

All right.

Here... here's the thing.

You're burned out.

You want to move the blocks around.

You want to reset the table.

I got to move them. Yes.

You need to take a break.

You need to do something a little bit

different, and I totally get that,

and I want... that's what I want you to do,

'cause I want you to stoke the fire.

'Cause if you take the coal too far away

from the fire, then the coal burns out.

If you put the coal back in the

fire, then the coal's gonna burn.

And I don't want

you to ever think

that anybody has ever

called you a hack writer.

Hack writer? What?

Okay, when you start

writing the pages,

you send 'em over to me.

Wait, Alan.

Hack writer.

What are you talking about?

I'm just telling you

they haven't said it.

What?

I'm gonna go.

Let me know when

you're doing stuff.

Yeah. Okay. Bye.

[MID-TEMPO GUITAR MUSIC]

Ooh, sorry.

Sorry. Sorry.

Ah!

Thanks. I'm really sorry.

Just got in?

I'm sorry. What? Sorry?

Oh, I'm just saying I think

I saw you come in to work.

Oh, yeah.

I am late as usual.

Yeah, always late.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[SIGHS]

Can I get a refill for you?

Oh, yeah.

Uh, thanks.

Oh, sh*t!

What? Are you okay?

No. F***.

Um, I think someone

just stole my computer.

Oh, God.

Yeah, I had it here,

and I put it in a bag.

It was in a blue computer bag.

I was gonna go to the bathroom.

Do you have another one?

Do you s... hmm?

Besides that one?

No. That's it.

Just that one, actually.

[CHUCKLES]

Thanks.

No, it would have been devastating

if you'd lost your masterpiece.

Yeah.

No reason to go on.

I know.

Fortunately, it's just two pages

of bad haikus and dirty limericks.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

But you're a doodlist

as well, I see.

Oh, yes.

I just scribble.

I dabble in the doodles myself.

Yeah? Really?

Yeah, I do caricatures

in Prospect Park.

Oh, cool.

Very cool.

I'm sorry.

Is this Gorbachev?

No, no, that's just a creepy guy.

Oh. That's too bad.

I'm a huge Gorbachev fan.

Oh.

Well, this is...

Now it's Gorbachev.

You can Gorbachev anything.

That's really good.

Thanks.

It's Birdie.

It's very birdy.

Oh, my name is Birdie.

Oh, okay. Sorry.

Um...

I'm Sam.

Uh, that's my name.

[CLEARS THROAT]

It's like Pam with an S.

Oh. So...

So Spam.

No, the P is silent.

It's confusing.

[LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]

I would love to continue

this conversation, but...

Yeah, of course.

Sorry. Yeah.

Sorry.

Large coffee, almond milk, three

Sweet'N Lows, two napkins.

The name's Emily.

Nice to meet you.

Emily, like "Jemily,"

but the J is silent.

[CHUCKLES]

Actually, "Gemily" is spelled

with a G, usually.

Is it?

Do you know any Gemilys?

Sorry.

[JANGLY ROCK MUSIC]

Hey, El, where's the toothpaste?

El.

Hey, what'd you...

Oh, sh*t!

Sh*t.

What the f***?

Sorry.

You can't do that

with the door wide open.

Well, I thought

you were in the shower.

I always wait till

you're in the shower.

You do?

Oh, God.

Now every time I take a shower,

I'm gonna think about that.

Can I turn around?

Yeah.

Is that Princess Leia?

N... yeah.

Are you seriously jerking off

to current pictures

of Carrie Fisher?

Remember when

we were kids, dude?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you

were pretty obsessed with her too.

Yeah, I was obsessed with her

when she was in Star Wars.

What am I, 12?

You really expect me to pleasure

myself to f***ing Star Wars?

What are you talking about?

You can get older, and she can

stay the same age in picture form.

Women, like men, grow up.

Everybody ages.

It's just... it's a natural fact of life.

You're not dating her.

You're just jerking off to her.

Right.

I...

Okay, yeah.

Just close your door next time.

Can you close it?

[GROANS]

Are you going back

into the shower by any chance?

Please don't.

Just please don't.

[PIZZICATO STRINGS MUSIC]

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Do you by any chance know

what time Birdie...

or it might be

Bertie... is working?

It's Birdie, like "caw, caw!"

You're a friend of hers?

Uh, yeah, sort of.

She got canned.

What? Why?

What... what happened?

She was late.

For work?

No.

For her f***ing period.

What...

I'm sorry.

I don't know what's g...

I f-feel like maybe we got off

on the wrong foot.

I'm Sam, by the way.

Okay.

And your name is...

It's Gerard.

Gerard.

Strard.

Stre... Gerard.

Strard.

Stard.

Strard.

Chard.

Leave it.

Anyway.

What happened with Birdie?

I already told you;

she was late.

Oh... right.

But j-just...

Anything else, Inspector Watson?

No, that's... that's great.

Thanks for...

Do you think maybe

she'll come back here?

For what?

I don't know.

Me, neither.

Why don't you just find her online?

I don't know her...

Birdie Hazel.

Hazel.

Okay.

Thank...

Thanks, G-sir.

Okay.

I think I got everything.

Where you guys going?

I told you a trillion times.

We're going to Ashley's

parents' place,

then we're going

to Sacred Spirit.

Oh, right.

Camp Brainwash.

Eliot, don't forget

your camera.

I think it's on the desk.

Oh, yes.

Bye!

Bye!

Hey, El, I found Birdie's

online profile.

You did? Who?

You know, the coffee shop girl.

Pretty amazing, actually.

Oh, yeah? Nice, man.

Yeah. You got to see this.

I don't know what to do.

What's the next move?

Write her a message

saying you want to see her.

Really?

Should I?

That seems weird.

Just, like, a blind message?

I don't... I don't know

anything about her.

Yeah.

Sure, you do.

That's the beauty of getting

to see her Facebook profile.

There's so much information

on there, you know?

I mean, hell, you could become

the man of her dreams

if you wanted.

That's true.

You know?

Baby?

Yeah.

Come on.

I'm double-parked.

What are you doing?

Oh, sh*t.

See you next week, playa.

See you.

[BUZZER DRONES]

G, D, B minor, A

G, G

Play a G.

Oh. Uh, okay.

Play a G.

I'm not sure I got that one.

Index finger goes on

the... is that a fret?

It's called a fret.

Sorry.

I don't know...

You got to bar it.

Ow. Ow.

Okay. That's it?

[DISSONANT CHORD PLAYS]

It sounded different than yours.

If you stop with the 'tude

and the condescending sh*t,

I can...

Music is about opening.

Your generation is so...

sexy, and they know it,

and they're texting.

Just 'cause you got my

number off a telephone pole

doesn't mean I'm not ferocious

on the ax.

I played f***ing Woodstock, man.

Woodstock? Really?

That's kind of...

'Cause you don't

really seem that...

Woodstock '99, captain!

So you want to f*** with that?

I played backup with the f***ing

Spin Doctors, bro-rometer.

Wow.

Yeah, wow.

That's pretty cool.

It's really cool.

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