A Case of You Page #6

I don't really smoke that much,

but what the hell?

Yeah, me too.

I'm not exactly the lead singer

of Phish either,

but you know what they

say... when at retreats...

You're gonna... you sure?

I'll light the old Christmas

tree whenever I get the urge.

[LAUGHTER]

What?

Christmas tree?

What?

S'mores for me.

S'mores, Sam.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Mm.

So, Birdie,

is that, like, a nickname,

or that's...

God.

No, my parents were hippies...

Mm-hmm.

And they felt like the world

was caging in on us,

so they wanted their little

girl to fly free, hence Birdie.

Birdie.

That's so cool.

[COUGHING]

Oh, no.

Oh, no?

What's wrong?

Hey, it might be the

shrooms talking to the K,

but don't you teach me guitar?

No, that's the

shrooms talking to you.

You teach me the guitar.

No, no.

[WHISPERING]

Hey, is this the chick?

No.

Is this the little p*ssy?

Shut up. Shut up.

Hey, guys, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna go get

some s'mores, I think.

Okay.

You good?

Where you going?

Hello. Hi.

You want a s'more?

Hello?

[PSYCHEDELIC SITAR MUSIC]

What the f***?

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Sam.

Huh?

You okay?

Oh, no, I'm chillin'.

Guys, come on.

This mantra's

not gonna chant itself.

Okay!

Oh, Jesus.

Your boyfriend is killing

me with this thing.

I was doing so well too.

It was happening.

It was flowing.

Now I'm so stoned.

I'm so f***ed.

I'm gonna be completely exposed.

What are you doing?

Huh?

Oh, eating helps calm me down

when I'm stressed out.

I have a medical condition.

These are disgusting.

No, what... What are you

doing with the girl?

What are you talking about?

Completely exposed?

Sam, it's a... it's a little

dramatic, I think.

Ash, look at her.

Look at this place.

It's a perfect fit.

I can't do this sh*t.

It's not me.

I don't know what I'm doing here.

Such a mistake.

It's called "compromise. "

Look, wine tasting isn't exactly

Eliot's, like, favorite

thing in the world.

But remember?

He took me

to the Finger Lakes last summer.

We had a really good time

'cause he knew it was something

that I had always wanted to do.

He showed me the pictures.

I know!

And, look, I am not really into

all this spiritual mumbo-jumbo...

Right?

But I come on all these

retreats with him.

Look, you don't have to love it.

You just have to try it for

the sake of your partner.

Right.

You're right.

Eyes on the prize, soldier.

Okay.

Okay.

Eyes on the prize.

Here. Take a napkin.

Uh, no. I'm good.

Eyes on the prize.

Both:
Eyes on the prize.

Eyes on the prize.

Eyes on the prize.

Eyes on the prize.

[ALL CHANTING]

Eyes on the prize.

That's what I said now.

I'm the one that loves you,

baby; can't you see?

I'm the one that loves you,

baby; can't you see?

I just... just go ahead now.

If you want to buy me flowers, just...

go ahead now.

I wish I could say

that was the craziest thing

that I've ever done just now.

I-I can say that, easily.

I-I can say that I've never

started a chant before.

You had them going!

They loved it.

Yeah, that got...

It was fun.

It got intense.

Okay.

If you could go

anywhere in the world,

where would you go?

Orlando, definitely.

I've always wanted

to go to Orlando

or maybe one of the outlying

suburbs of Orlando.

[LAUGHS]

You know, I don't know.

I haven't traveled

as much as I want to.

I really want to travel.

I've never even been

outside the States.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, man.

I'd love... I'd love to go to the

Galpagos islands, though.

That's the... that's the place...

one place I'd want to go.

That's so crazy.

Why?

That's, like, the one place

on Earth I don't want to go.

Like, real...

Are you kidding?

No... well, okay.

I love what it represents,

and I-I'm in love with place, but...

Yeah.

I feel like by going there,

it would be, like, the end

of what makes it what it is.

You know?

It's like this untouched part

of the world,

and it's got

all these incredible animals

that you can't find

anywhere else,

and they're just roaming freely.

Tortoises and...

There's, like, this

natural perfection to it.

Right, so that's... What's wrong with that?

That sounds...

That sounds great.

Yeah, but I-I feel like

we'd find a way

to f*** it up, you know?

Selfishly, I'd love to go.

I'd love to experience it.

But if we got to go, then so

would bloated, pasty tourists

who want an exotic honeymoon.

No thanks.

[CHUCKLES]

You know, that's... that's exactly

how I feel about Orlando.

[LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]

Oh, my God.

My parents would love this.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

They must be, like,

super hippies.

Let me just put it this way:

in college, they had a band

called Hemp Hemp Hooray.

[LAUGHING] What?

That's... that's amazing.

Yeah.

Where do they live?

They live in Oregon growing

God-knows-what on their farm.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

What about you?

What about your parents?

My dad's fine.

He's up in Vermont,

living the quiet life.

He's a retired... retired

columnist, very heady.

Nice.

Yeah.

What about your mom?

Where's your mom?

My mom and I had sort of, um...

sort of an up-and-down

relationship.

Mostly down, I guess.

She left my dad for someone

else who she thought was better

and kind of stopped

talking to me in the process.

Just sort of... sort

of cut us off.

So you guys don't talk

at all anymore?

Um, no.

I... I got a card in the

mail about three years ago.

No, four, actually, now.

God.

Yeah, it was from

her new husband,

and it just said that

she'd... she'd passed away.

But, you know, we hadn't

talked in, like, five years,

so it was... it was... it

was actually...

it wasn't as bad

as it could have been.

I-I'm... I... I kind of hate

talking about this stuff.

Yeah, no. Um... We don't

have to talk about it.

I'm...

I'm so sorry.

No, no.

It's okay.

It's all right.

I'm just... I'm...

I'm just stoned, and it's a lot.

I love this stuff, though, you know?

[CHUCKLES]

I think we are who we are

when we're with the people

that make us feel the most alive.

I don't know.

I feel very alive right now.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

[SNIFFLES]

I-I can't...

I can't decide which is better...

the fact that it's minus

20 degrees out

or the millions of twigs jabbing

me in the ass right now.

[LAUGHS]

I know.

I have, like, a root jabbing me.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I'll jab you with a root.

[STIFLED LAUGHTER]

Sorry.

That's... that's too bad,

'cause I really love dirty

nature double entendres.

Oh, yeah?

Mm-hmm.

Try saying that ten times fast.

Dirty nature double entendres.

It can't be done.

It's impossible.

Dirty...

nature...

double...

entendres.

I think I can feel that root

you were talking about.

Oh, dear.

It's growing.

[LAUGHS]

Really?

Hey.

Hey.

I think...

I think we're good to go.

Yeah. Good.

Hey, um... I got to go help El

with the rest of the stuff.

Okay.

I told her about

my mother last night.

Such an idiot.

Guarantee she's putting

the pieces together.

I don't know.

She seems down.

Yeah.

El, she's down with the fake me.

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