A Chump at Oxford

You'll have to get out here, fellas.

Thanks for the lift.

Goodbye!

- How about a lift, mister?

- Sure, jump on the back.

Thank you.

Are you all set?

OK, let her go.

What's the big idea?

What's the matter? Can't you take a joke?

Get back on, I was only kiddin'.

Well, it's a good thing you apologised.

- We sure did told him off, didn't I?

- Yeah.

This is it, fellas.

Thank you very much.

Ahhh.

What happened?

- Good morning.

- What can I do for you?

- Why, we'd like a job.

- What kind of employment do you prefer?

Anything you got, missus. We're down

to our last six bucks, aren't we, Ollie?

Well, kindly be seated,

I'll talk to you in a little while.

Hello?

Yes, Sterling Employment Agency.

Who?

Yes.

Oh, yes, I understand.

Good morning, Mrs Vandevere.

I'm in a terrible predicament.

I'm giving a party tonight

and my maid and butler have left me.

Could you send me a couple?

I haven't any on the list but I'll see

what I can do. A single or married couple?

- 'I'd prefer a married couple. '

- All right, I'll do my best.

Goodbye.

Too bad you wasn't a woman,

that'd be a swell job for us.

Pardon me, but did I hear you say

you were looking for a maid and butler?

- Yes, do you know of anyone?

- I know the perfect couple.

- Are they available?

- I can get them right away, if not sooner.

I'd appreciate it very much if you'd have

them go to this address immediately.

Come, Stanley.

- Goodbye.

- Bye.

Goodbye.

What's the idea?

We don't know any couple, do I?

You don't but I do.

Is that so?

Ah, very nice, my dear!

It's wonderful what you can do

when you have to.

Thank you, baldy, you're such a dear.

Er, what's the latest

on the maid and butler situation?

I haven't heard a thing

and I'm terribly worried.

Don't you worry. If the worst comes

to the worst, you can serve a buffet.

Oh, excuse me.

Are you the head butler?

I am Mr Vandevere.

Oh. We are from the employment agency.

Oh, yes.

We're the best they could do

at the last moment.

So I can see.

Well, come right in.

Thank you. Come, dear.

This way.

Oh, darling, this is the new maid and butler.

- Mrs Vandevere.

- How do you do, ma'am?

What a strange-looking person.

What do you expect on a few hours' notice?

If you'd have gone to the trouble we did

to get us the job...

What he means... SHE means is that this is

the best they could do upon short notice.

Never mind, dear.

Any old port in a storm, you know.

I suppose you're right. Call Pierre.

- What's your name?

- Er, my name is Ollie

and this is Agnes.

A slight accident.

Did you ring, madame?

Yes, Pierre.

This is the new maid and butler.

Show them to their quarters

and explain their duties.

Yes, madame.

Come, dear.

This way.

Well, well, well.

No, thank you.

No, thank you.

They're good.

No, thank you.

Ooh!

There's everything from soup to nuts, folks.

Come and get it!

What do I do now?

You can take these cocktails.

- What, all of them?

- Certainly!

See if you can do that without spilling them.

OK, boys, siddown.

Now, don't nobody eat till Mrs Vandevere

gets here. She went to change her dress.

Well, kid, how does she look?

Well, folks, the joke's on me!

I've got you all seated wrong -

the old guy wants you all mixed up.

I'll fix it. Say, you.

- Me?

- You come here. Bring your eats with you.

And you go over there.

Take your eats with you.

It's all right, don't get excited. I'll fix it.

You go over there. Take your eats with you.

You go over there

and take your food with you.

You go over there, take your food.

You come over here, and you go over there.

- Just a minute...

- Will you keep quiet? Quit interrupting.

You come over here,

bring your eats with you.

No, don't sit there. Over here.

Bring your eats with you.

- You go over there...

- Just a minute...

You'd better go siddown.

Come right here and siddown.

Right there.

No, no, no, don't sit there. You go

over there, and you go over there. Right.

- Come on, move fast.

- Don't you realise...?

Take it easy, old boy.

Oh, no, over there, please.

Take your eats with you.

You come over here.

No, no, don't sit there, please.

One of you boys go over there.

And you come right here.

No, you're on this seat right here.

If you'll just... That's it.

You go right around there.

Your food... You got it? That's it.

Siddown, will ya, Pop?

Pop?

And if you'll go right up there.

Right there and sit right there, that's it.

No, this side. Now, you sit right over there.

That's right.

Oh, no, no, no, over here, please.

You sit right there.

No, not you, the other one.

Now, you sit right there. You over there.

And you sit right there. Just a moment now.

You sit right there,

and you right here, little lady.

Now, if you'll come...

Stop! Everyone sit down

right where you are.

Agnes, will you please serve the salad?

Without any dressing.

- What kind of a joint is this?

- What's the matter?

He wants me to serve the salad undressed.

Well, if he wants it undressed,

that's the way he'll have it. Go get the salad.

What's the matter with Mr Vandevere?

Let me at 'em!

Where are they? Why, you...!

Hey, come here!

Come on!

Owwww!

I didn't mean it! I'm sorry, I tell you.

- I didn't have my glasses on.

- Why don't you be careful?

You almost blew my brains out.

Hey, lob me your broom.

Ow!

Well, here we are at last.

Right down in the gutter.

I wonder what's the matter with us.

We're just as good as other people

yet we don't seem to advance ourselves.

You know what the trouble is, don't you?

We never had no education,

that's what's the matter.

We're not illiterate enough.

- I guess you're right.

- Sure I'm right.

If we went to school like other people,

we would learn our three Rs,

and today there'd be no job too small for us,

believe me.

What do you mean, three Rs?

Well, reading, writing and...

and... figuring.

- Figuring?

- Sure.

You know - two and two make something

and four and four make something.

It's different to the first...

- You mean 'rithmetic.

- I knew what it meant

but I couldn't say it.

- I think you've got something there.

- Have I?

After we finish work today,

we'll start going to night school.

Good idea.

Too bad we didn't think of that before.

Thanks.

- Don't throw that on the sidewalk.

- Well, we're going to clean it up.

Thank you, officers, for your quick action.

Don't thank us, those are the boys

that made the capture.

Don't thank us, those are the boys

that made the capture.

My boys, you've done a service for me

that I can never forget.

You've saved me

hundreds of thousands of dollars.

- What can I do to repay you?

- I don't know, sir.

- I could give you some work in the bank.

- Oh, we wouldn't be of much help.

You see, we haven't got any education,

have we, Stan?

No, we don't know a thing, do we?

We were just talking

of going to night school.

I see. Diamonds in the rough.

Then all you need is a little polish

with the proper setting.

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