A Countess from Hong Kong Page #6

Well, it better be a good one.

Harvey?

If I tell you, promise me

you won't tell Ogden.

- Why?

- He's very conservative. He might object.

- What are you going to do?

- Dive off the boat.

Oh, honey, where did you get that idea?

You'll break your neck!

Oh, no, no. In Hawaii, they come

in little boats and dive for money.

Some climb aboard

and dive off the boat. I can do that.

How fortunate that

my chair's next to yours.

Now we can talk.

I'm interrupting your reading.

How inconsiderate of me.

Nothing's more annoying than to have

someone interrupt your reading.

Daddy says it's a lack

of consideration for other people.

Where's your friend, the Ambassador?

He seems to have erased himself

completely during the voyage.

Daddy says that people who erase

themselves have a profound shyness...

which really means that they're

afraid of exposing themselves.

Hmm.

Oh, the silence is frightening.

Would you like some more music?

Mrs Martha Mears,

wife of Ambassador Ogden Mears...

will await her husband's arrival

in Honolulu this evening.

Rumours have been rife that

the Ambassador and his wife...

are getting a divorce.

Nevertheless, Mrs Mears says she will

accompany her husband to Washington.

- He's getting a divorce!

- Excuse me.

Your wife's waiting for you in Honolulu.

It just came over the radio.

I know. I just got a telegram.

She's coming aboard this evening

and she's not getting a divorce.

What about Natascha?

That's the problem.

You've got to think fast.

We arrive at 9.30.

- You've got to get her out of your cabin!

- Where's she gonna go?

- She can sleep in my cabin.

- That's out.

You didn't let me finish.

I could double in

with Crawford or Hudson.

Crawford and Hudson

are staying with two other fellows.

- You can't let her stay where she is.

- Obviously not.

I've got it. You can say

she's married to Hudson.

- Hudson?

- Say, that's an idea. If she was married

to an American citizen...

she could get into the States

without any trouble.

- You wish to see me, sir?

- Yes, Hudson. Sit down.

Thank you, sir.

- Would you like a drink?

- Uh, no, thank you, sir.

Uh, Hudson, you are

an American citizen, aren't you?

I've been an American citizen

for the past 16 years, sir.

- Good. I want you to do me a favour.

- Yes, sir.

You remember that attractive lady

I was dancing with last night?

I do, sir.

Well, I want you to marry her.

- Marry who, sir?

- The lady I just mentioned.

It'll only be a temporary affair,

and afterwards, you can get a divorce.

If I may say so, sir,

this is rather sudden.

I think I will take

a brandy after all, sir.

I agree it's somewhat extemporaneous,

but it's a matter of urgency.

If the lady is married to

an American citizen...

she'll have little trouble

getting into the States.

And when does all this

happen, sir?

In about ten minutes.

- I still have to speak

to the lady, of course.

- She doesn't know yet?

Oh, no, not yet. But don't worry.

We're arranging that.

I think you should

be married before lunch.

You will have a brandy?

Make it a double, if you please, sir.

Double brandy, please.

I'll have the same. Thank you.

If I might ask a rather

connubial question, sir...

what happens this evening,

that is, tonight?

After the marriage.

Oh, nothing that

concerns you, Hudson.

You'll be sleeping in the same room,

but in different beds.

I think you should be

getting yourself ready.

I think you can wear an ordinary

lounge suit for the wedding.

- Yes, sir.

- Fine.

And while you're getting dressed,

I'll talk to the lady.

Thank you.

What's this I hear?

I'm to marry Hudson?

- Well, it's an emergency.

- Yes, but Hudson!

It'll solve all our problems.

You'll be married to an American citizen.

You'll have little trouble

getting into the States,

and afterwards you can get a divorce.

I've got nothing to wear.

I can't get married in your pyjamas.

Harvey!

It's all arranged. Captain'll

be down in a couple minutes.

- What did you tell him?

- I gave him a line about how

her papers blew overboard.

She met Hudson, they fell in love.

Well, the Captain's on.

He understands the situation,

but it's gonna cost you dough.

- How's the happy bride?

- I wish I were back in Hong Kong.

That's the Captain.

- How do you do, sir?

- How do you do?

This is to be kept

strictly confidential.

- I understand, Mr Mears.

- Mr Harvey has explained everything.

Good. I assure you

it will be deeply appreciated.

We're only too pleased

to help out in such matters.

- Who is it?

- Hudson, sir.

- You're late.

- I'm sorry, sir.

Captain, I'd like to present Hudson,

the, uh, bridegroom.

How do you do?

Now, where's the bride?

Oh, I believe

she's still dressing.

Are you ready?

Oh, the Captain.

It's all too big. Nothing fits! Look!

You're losing weight.

You've been dieting too much.

Let's get on with it.

Countess, bridegroom.

Mr Harvey, you're the best man.

Mr Ogden, the witness.

We'll fill out the forms later.

Now then.

Do you, Henry Lewisham

Arthur Hudson...

take this woman to be

your lawful wedded wife...

till death do you part?

Oh! Oh!

- Well, he's just over-excited.

- Water!

Hudson, whatever

made you faint?

I suppose it was the excitement

of those drastic words.

- Drastic?

- "Till death do us part."

- That's no reflection on you, madam.

- Now what's going to happen?

That's what I would like to know.

Nothing's going to happen.

You'll retire as usual.

Hudson will sleep in the same room,

but in the other bed of course.

- I hope so.

- The other bed. The one near the door.

Just not to obfuscate matters.

Listen, this marriage

is just a formality.

- The moment we get ashore,

I want a divorce.

- Whatever your desire is.

I am always at your service.

Hudson, don't let

the champagne go to your head.

- Better go to bed.

- Very well, sir. Goodnight, Mr Ogden.

- Goodnight.

- Goodnight, Mr Harvey.

Madam, I presume

I'll see you later.

Where are you going?

There's the bedroom.

The whole thing is an awful mess.

- This is Harvey's idea.

- Why can't I sleep on the sofa?

- Natascha, let's don't go

into all that again.

- Where do you sleep?

I have to sit up and explain

the situation to Martha.

Why don't you have the Captain explain?

He's gone ashore.

If Martha finds you here without

an explanation, it's gonna create scandal.

I hate to interrupt.

But I think Martha just

drove up in a Cadillac.

- Natascha, please go to bed!

- How can I with that man?

There's no lock on this door.

- That man is crazy.

- Oh, Natascha, please go to bed.

To think of having to do all this

to get a passport. Huh!

- Ice water, sir.

- Oh.

- I'll check to see

if Martha's arrived yet.

- Okay.

Goodnight.

Oh!

In the excitement,

I forgot to brush my teeth.

Boo!

Goodnight.

Aah!

Hudson, find me some pyjamas.

Oh, you've got mine on.

Find me something to sleep in.

- Hasn't she arrived yet?

- No, not yet. Expected momentarily.

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