A Date with Miss Fortune Page #2

It might be awkward with you in the room.

You're so crude.

Mmmm,

Stay over tonight.

Please.

Why?

"A" I live closer to your school.

"B" I make killer waffles in the morning.

And "C" I'll pay you a thousand dollars.

"D" all of the above?

Mmmmmmm.

That was the best apple pie I've ever had.

Really?

Cause I wouldn't know.

You kind of ate it all.

I did not!

I even left you the last piece.

This here?

Anyway, everything was planned.

Children, moving to the suburbs.

My dad was devastated when

he found out we broke up.

But the worst part was

that we lived together.

I'll never make that mistake again.

I like my own place to much.

What, you don't want a family?

Children?

Marriage is not for me.

I can't picture myself behind

the white picket fence

playing catch with Jack junior.

So you have no problems

growing old and dying alone?

Having the neighbors notify the police

about the awful stench

of your rotting corpse.

Jesus Christ, when you put it that way.

You shouldn't say that.

Say, what?

Use God's name like that.

Oh, you're one of those.

I noticed the cross.

Just thought it might be for decoration.

What do you mean, "one of those"?

You don't believe in God??

Umm, not so much.

Though, after skimming the bible,

I've gotta give Joe and Mary props

for selling the whole

immaculate conception thing.

It's brilliant.

Nowadays, compromising Facebook

photos would have sunk her.

That isn't funny.

So if you don't believe in

God then who do you pray to?

Tom Brady.

But only if it's late

in the fourth quarter.

I don't believe you.

Trust me, when something

life changing happens,

you'll be praying.

Okay, no way, not me.

I may be a lot of things,

but I'm not a hypocrite.

Hey.

Morning.

Do you want some fruit for breakfast?

Do you have any idea how

much sugar's in that stuff?

You were snoring again last night.

I don't snore.

It's like sleeping with Darth Vader.

I'll make a video clip

and add it to your file.

Hey.

Hey, you okay?

What's wrong?

Nothing.

It's stupid.

Well lucky for you I

specialize in stupidity

and have a Ph.D. in nothing.

So technically, I'm overqualified

for this conversation.

Well uhh,

You know when you feel like

you've reached a point

where you're finally living out your life

and not other peoples expectations?

Well...

Now that I'm not splitting

the rent anymore,

I can't afford my place so...

I'm gonna have to move

back in with my parents.

Well umm, you know uhh,

Maybe you could move in here you know,

for a little while until

you find another place.

Jack, you'd be okay with that?

Yeah, sure.

I'm mean you're practically

living here anyway.

What's a week?

Oh baby!

Thank you!

Oh baby I promise you won't

even know that I'm here.

Oh god.

Thank you.

Oh, that's great.

Oh my god.

You like?

I feel like I just got

violated by Pottery Barn.

Oh, you hate it?

No, no.

It's just different that's all.

Kinda looks like your place did.

Yeah, I just brought a few

of my furniture pieces in.

I hope you don't mind?

Wow.

That's uhh, that's a big cross.

It'll protect us from the evil eye.

Ohh.

I didn't know Mr. Bojangles

would be joining us.

Awe, where did you think

he'd be staying, silly?

Eh, eh, good boy, good boy.

Eh.

Ou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ouuu

Ou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ouuu

You got-got me, you got-got me stuck

Cause you got-got that,

you got-got that touch

You got me stuck like glue

Like gum to the bottom of my shoe

I can't stop thinkin' bout you-ouu

Awwww! Sh*t!

I think you broke it!

I'm so sorry.

That kiss girl, how can I forge-ee-et?

Underneath the stars,

we'll never be apart

No matter where you are, you got me

You got-got me, you

got-got me stuck

Cause you got-got that, you

got-got that touch

Rain or shine, I don't care

I'm not going anywhere

Cause you got-got me, you

got-got me stuck on you babe

Ou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ouuu

Maria?

Jesus Christ!

Shhh.

Rain or shine, I don't care,

I'm not going anywhere

I am a rational person.

Rational, huh?

Is that why I saw you throwing

salt over your shoulder?

Don't tell me you're one of

those superstitious freaks?

It's not a superstition if it works.

Ah-ha.

The truth finally comes out.

You're crazy.

Don't call me crazy.

Seora Maria says it's

better safe than sorry.

Who's Seora Maria?

Just someone who advises me.

Like a... Like a therapist?

Yeah, like a therapist.

Hey, babe, how was your...

Quick, get me a lighter!!

What is it?

I think some woman at the grocery store

gave me the evil eye.

Huh?

Here we go.

What is that?

Sage.

Oh no.

I might have already

infected the entire place.

Wait, what the hell's evil eye?

It's when someone curses you

and gives you really bad luck.

Sometimes people do it

and they don't even

realize they're doing it.

Come on Maria, don't tell me

you really believe in that?

Apparently so.

That should work.

Don't worry, I'll see Seora Maria

and make sure that we're in the clear.

Maria, this is insane.

Nobody can just give you bad luck.

That's just a Portuguese old wives tale.

The evil eye does not exist!

Do you have any idea how

foolish you sound right now?

Jack, this is your father.

He's actually on oxygen, it's kinda sad.

Oww.

No he's not.

Your sitcom writing is

weak and career dubious.

Come work for me at Ratner Investments

and together we shall...

make something of you.

That's your dad's idea

of success, not yours.

Mhmmm.

You are wise Portuguese one.

So what about the rest of your family?

Brothers?

Sisters?

None.

Cousins?

Grandparents?

Aunts?

Uncles?

One Uncle, but I'm pretty

sure he's in prison.

Oh, Jack that's...

Wonderful.

Having as mall family.

Mine can be overwhelming.

I'd much rather have a big colorful family

than a bland one any day.

Okay.

Relax.

Ok.

Oh, no, we don't use the front door!

We use the back door.

Okay.

Now, don't be nervous, Jack.

I'm not.

I just want you to know,

how important first impressions are.

Hey, don't worry, parents love me.

I'm like cat nip for old people.

Oh and please don't try and be funny.

And don't tell my parents

that you're divorced,

or that you're an atheist or

that you're in between jobs.

Okay?

Anything else?

Oh, and your grandfather on your

mom's side was part Portuguese.

Ok?

Hey!

There's my beautiful daughter.

Querida, two Sundays I don't see you.

Where have you been

hiding, my little badger?

Mom, Dad, this is Jack my boyfriend.

He's pleased to meet you.

Lets go.

This looks delicious.

What is it?

Cozido.

Pigs feet.

Thanks.

I can't believe you ate that, dude.

There's pizza.

Thank you.

Have some rice pudding.

I will.

Ow!

Where's Mr. Moniz?

Ah, he's probably in the house.

Go talk to him, Jack.

He gets nervous with new people.

I can tell by the way she looks at you,

you have won my daughter over.

Thanks, mom.

I bet you don't get too many

vampires down here, huh?

Because of the uhh...

So, I hear your a big football fan?

So am I.

Who's your team?

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