A Day at the Races Page #7

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Next, we will see...

Just a moment. Take your hands off her!

A fine doctor you are.

You're not supposed to touch a patient

without being sterilized.

You don't see me running

an examination like that.

No, that's true.

And I think it would be very interesting...

...to see just how Dr. Hackenbush

does conduct an examination.

Splendid, splendid. Show them, doctor.

If you insist, I'll proceed.

In case you've never done it,

this is known as washing your hands.

I'd rather have it rusty than missing.

You'll go a long ways to see

prettier drippings than those.

Why sterilization? After all,

this is not an operation, you know?

Not yet, but I may get hot and operate

on everybody in the joint, including you.

Come, come, doctor. Aren't you ready?

Now, Mrs. Upjohn,

I guess I know my business.

Of course, that's just a guess

on my part...

...but at any rate, I know a thing

or two about cleanliness...

...and that's more than I can say

for that mountain goat standing there.

Come, doctor. We're waiting.

All right. If you insist,

we'll proceed at once.

Now, Mrs. Upjohn,

I want you to take your arms...

...and let them wave through the air

with the greatest of ease.

Not too swiftly.

- Like that, doctor?

- Yes, that's splendid.

How long do you want me

to do this, doctor?

Just until you fly away.

I told you guys to stay down

in that room with those pigeons.

Dr. Hackenbush, tell me,

who sent for these men?

You don't have to send for them.

You just rub a lamp, and they appear.

- My name is Steinberg.

- Nix. Nix. That's Steinberg.

Dr. Steinberg, by a strange coincidence,

this is another Dr. Steinberg.

May I introduce my colleagues

and good friends, another Dr. Steinberg?

This is a Dr. Steinberg, Dr. Steinberg.

Dr. Steinberg and Mrs. Steinberg.

And, doctor, I'd like you

to meet another Dr. Steinberg.

And that's Steinberg Jr.

If Dr. Hackenbush is not going to continue

with the examination, professor...

...may we have your diagnosis, please?

- With pleasure.

In all my years of medicine...

In your years of medicine. You don't

know the first thing about medicine.

And don't point that beard at me.

It might go off.

Dr. Steinberg, do you remember

your diagnosis?

Certainly. To begin with,

her pulse is absolutely normal.

- I challenge that.

- Challenge that?

- You take her pulse.

- Pulse?

- Take her pulse!

- I don't do any pulse work.

I am an acute diagnostician.

Take her pulse. Take her pulse!

Oh, no, no, no. My purse, my purse,

my purse. He has my purse!

You must forgive him.

He doesn't spell very well.

Oh, dear. Come, gentlemen.

Let us begin.

You shouldn't have done that.

Now we're all unsterilized.

What's the matter with you?

Well, I must say,

I've seen quicker examinations.

Maybe, but you'll never see

a slipperier one.

- Are you ready to proceed?

- We'll proceed immediately.

Doctor. And what do you expect

to do next?

The next thing I think we should do

is wash our hands.

- You're absolutely right.

- Oh, I've never seen...

- Oh, what is the matter with them?

- I don't know.

- What is this? Get away!

- Everything is going to be all right.

Nurse, sterilization! Sterilization!

- Are they mad? What is it?

- No, we're not mad.

We're just terribly hurt, that's all.

Hey, just a moment. Just put

the gown on, not the nurse, huh?

Come here.

- How's it a dame like that never gets sick?

- But I am sick.

Doctor, will you pay attention to me?

You'll have to get in line.

There's three orders ahead of you.

That poor girl may be out there,

catching her death of cold.

- Same nurse, sterilization.

- Doc, get away from there.

- This is absolutely insane!

- That's what they said about Pasteur.

This is ridiculous.

Put the patient in a horizontal position.

- Oh, what are you gonna do now?

- Be careful. Be careful.

I don't want to be examined anymore.

Do you hear me?

Doctor, where are you?

Oh, my. I want to get down.

You let me down this very moment.

Do you hear me?

I'll get you down.

I'll report this to Miss Standish.

You wait and see.

What are you doing?

Get off there. Get off there!

How do you like that, honey?

What are you doing? Give me that.

Get away from me. I don't want

to have my head massaged!

In all my life, I haven't seen

such an examination!

But there is one indisputable test.

- What?

- The x-ray!

- X-ray!

- X-ray!

X- ray! All about the examination!

X- ray! All about the examination!

X- ray! X-ray!

X- ray!

That's enough! I will call the police!

I've never gone through

anything like this!

- I certainly messed things up for Judy.

- You messed things up?

I suppose old Doc Hackenbush

didn't throw a nasty monkey wrench.

You no throw the monkey wrench.

I'm the guy that did it.

Now, listen.

It was nobody's fault but mine.

I don't want any more arguments.

It was all my fault.

I think he's right. It was his fault.

Oh, it was my fault, eh?

That's the thanks I get.

I get you the first shower

you had in years...

...you turn on me

like a snake in the grass.

- Someone's coming.

- The sheriff.

- Judy.

- Hello, Miss Judy.

- Hello. Hello.

- You're the prettiest sheriff I've ever seen.

- Thought I was the sheriff?

- Taking no chances.

I just brought you these blankets.

I thought it might make it

a little more comfortable living out here.

Get up. Get up.

Don't worry about our comfort.

We bungled your affairs.

You did your best, Gil.

Yes, and our best was none too good.

Tell me, is the water still running

in the examination room?

After tomorrow,

I'm afraid that's Mr. Morgan's worry.

Morgan, he no got the sanitarium yet.

A lot of things can happen

before tomorrow.

The sanitarium doesn't matter anymore.

Gil, you were right.

I've been taking things far too seriously.

It's much better this way.

Now I can be free. I won't be tied down.

I can enjoy myself and really laugh.

Oh, Judy, please.

Don't cry, Miss Judy.

I feel sad, but I laugh.

I laugh. Stuffy's laughing too. Look.

Go on and laugh, Stuffy.

Hey, look. Look at Hackenapuss.

Laugh. Go on, laugh.

Where did that come from?

It can't be that bad, Judy.

Look at those kids. Laughing, happy.

Come on. You're just a kid.

Laugh. Be happy.

It's the sheriff.

- Hey, you.

- I ain't done nothing.

You've got nothing on me.

My skirts are clean.

Yeah? This letter from Florida

says you're a horse doctor.

Put them all under arrest.

They won't run, sheriff,

if you break their legs.

Get that horse. Get that horse.

What's wrong with that horse?

He goes wild every time

he sees Morgan or hears his voice.

Get him out.

Hey, come here, you.

Where do you think you're going?

You can't get away with this.

Never mind him. Get the horse.

Why, you!

Nice work, Stuffy.

Stop that horse!

Don't let him get out of here!

Did you see that horse jump?

And I'm doing some

pretty fancy jumping myself.

Let me off this rope!

I'll throw you all in jail!

Get me down! Get me out of here!

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