A Few Best Men

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MAN:
Hey.

How do you like this? Paradise.

I never want to go home!

David, come on!

It's going to be amazing!

- Are you ready for your surprise?

DAVID:
Yes.

OK, surprise!

- You like it?

- I love him.

- I love you.

- Mat?

- I love you.

- I love you too.

The last ten days on this

island with you have...

Have been the best! I can't

remember ever feeling this happy.

So why do all good things have to end?

Who says it has to end?

Mia, I don't know you but I think I want

to spend the rest of my life trying to.

Are you saying

what I think you're saying?

Yes.

Wait till you meet my family.

Wait till you meet mine.

I saw her sitting in the rain

Raindrops falling on her

She didn't seem to care

She sat there and smiled at me

Then I knew I knew,

I knew, I knew, I knew

She can make me happy

J Happy

Flowers in her hair...

- Sorry.

Flowers everywhere

Like a flower girl

Oh, I don't know just why

she simply caught my eye

I love the flower girl

She seemed so sweet and

kind She crept into my mind

Ah

I knew I had to say hello

She smiled up at me

She took my hand We walked

through the park alone

And I knew I knew,

I knew, I knew, I knew

She had made me

happy Happy...

Sh*t!

Flowers in her hair

Her hair

Flowers everywhere

I love the flower girl

Oh, I don't know just why

she simply caught my eye

I love the flower girl

She seemed so sweet and

kind She crept into my mind

Crept into my mind

Suddenly the sun broke through

I turned around she was

gone Where did she go?

And all I had left was one

little flower in my hand

But I knew...

Surprise!

(Shocked gasps)

(Chuckles)

It's dreary and we love it

And it smells like rockn'roll

It's not too far from

Chiswick yet it's...

I think that was the

most embarrassing thing

that's ever happened to anyone ever.

Sorry, mate,

we weren't supposed to know

you'd come through the

door stark bollock naked.

Yeah, I know. It was... thoughtful.

- Come here, good to have you back!

- You're spilling my drink.

Sorry, I've missed you, greasy hippie.

Been stuck here for the last six

months with Luke and bloody Graham.

- You know what that's like.

- You alright, Graham?

- This has cheese on it.

- So pick it off.

I can't just pick it off. If I have any

cheese, then I start getting malaise.

- Malaise.

- Yes, malaise.

Good to see nothing's changed.

- Where's Luke?

- He's coming later.

Had to go around Sarah's for the

50 millionth time this week.

- Oh, really?

- Oh, yeah, it's not been good.

She's been seeing this guy called Chip.

Yeah, imagine if your girlfriend

left you for a guy called Chip.

Not to mention he doesn't have a penis.

What do you mean,

he doesn't have a penis?

Apparently, it got damaged

in a boating accident.

Anyway, how was your trip?

Tell us everything.

- Oh, OK, it was incredible.

- Yeah?

- Did you have sex with anyone?

- Better than that.

- What? What's better than that?

- I'll tell you later.

- Whoa! Did you have a threesome?

- Look, the party's still going on.

- Just tell us.

- No.

David, you can't leave

us hanging like this.

I'm getting married.

Right! Everybody out!

Party's over!

Grandad, you've had too much

to drink, you drunken old sod.

How did this happen?

How do you think it happened?

I fell in love.

Her name's Mia. She's Australian.

We met in Tuvalu, this

little island in the Pacic.

And she is the most amazing,

beautiful, intelligent...

You know, the normal thing at this

point is to say congratulations.

Congratulations, I feel like I've

just f***ing aged ten years.

Holiday flings are meant to end

at the airport, not at the altar.

Don't listen to him, David,

this is great.

We're right behind you all the way.

Just tell us where the party is.

It's at Mia's parents house

in Australia.

What, is that a f***ing joke?

I can't go to Australia, it's bloody miles away!

You know I get air sickness.

Jesus, I thought you'd be a

little bit more supportive

If you don't come, it's just gonna be

me and a load of bloody Australians.

- You're all I got.

- Excuse me, 20 years

since we've been friends, when

have we ever let you down?

Uh, what about the time you told

Rachel Brookman I had syphilis?

Yeah, apart from that. When

you used to ride your bike

up and down Dorset Street on your own

like some kind of an infant leper,

we were the ones who

took you into our gang.

Even though you were this

lost little orphan boy

who everyone thought was gay.

What do you mean, everyone

thought I was gay?

They did cause you were all sensitive

and nice to people and sh*t.

Suppose you'll be moving to a

nice two-bed in Hertfordshire?

Oh, you're f***ing joking.

You're moving to Australia?

No, it's not set yet. We'll just...

see how it goes.

- Hey, Luke.

- Hi, David.

- How are you?

- Yeah, pretty good.

I mean, I feel like I've given

the last five years of my life

in return for unimaginable pain and

torment but aside from that, I'm fine.

David's getting married

and moving to Australia.

(Wails)

Taxi!

Why does she only want you there

one day before the wedding?

- She thought it'd be romantic.

- You know what bugs me, bruv?

You are about to gamble your life

on a girl you don't even know.

She's not a roulette wheel,

she's the love of my life.

What if she turns out

to be a vagina farter?

Your one serious relationship,

you dumped her cause...

Front bottom burps, noisy

flange, disgusting.

When you lose your parents young,

Tom,

you learn to roll the dice

when it's handed to you.

Oh, I've taken you to Blackpool,

brother, you're a terrible gambler.

- What exactly have I got to lose?

- Us!

Aww...

Couldn't lose you if you were

a suitcase at Terminal Five.

I'm just looking out for you, that's all.

I don't know this girl.

And neither do you.

DAVID:
Don't you believe

in love at first sight?

I just can't believe you're getting married.

It's just so grown-up

Every time I look at you,

I still see a little

eight-year-old waif in gym shorts.

That's a bit weird.

- Hi.

- Luke.

- How are you?

- Awful.

Sarah and Chip have

officially moved in together.

- I'm so sorry, mate.

- Yeah.

Well, maybe this trip will do you some good.

Maybe you'll get some distance.

- Maybe the plane will crash.

- Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry I'm late.

Picking up my new business

cards - going global.

Hitler's selling underfloor heating to Australians.

Oh, this is gonna be huge.

- Graham, what is that on your face?

- What?

That. That monstrosity.

- Oh, you mean the moustache?

- Yes, the moustache.

I'm about to meet my future family, I

can't have you turn up looking like a...

- Like a...

- Genocidal Fascist dictator.

What are you talking about? Moustaches

are really in at the moment.

- Not Hitler moustaches.

- Look, it's how my facial hair grows.

Alright? I can't help the

fact it looks like Hitler's.

Why are you being so negative,

anyway?

Why can't it be a Chaplin moustache?

- Sit down, you're in the way.

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