A Fish Called Wanda

This film contains strong language.

And on that point, members

of the jury, I rest my case.

CAMERA CLICKS:

RINGING:

Hello, Wanda.

Hi, Ken.

Hello, W-Wanda.

Ken...this is Otto. Hello, Ken.

Wanda's told me a lot about you.

Hey, great fish! A little lemon,

tartare sauce - perfect!

Is George back yet?

N-No, he had to g-go...

What?

That's quite a stutter

you've got there!

It's OK. It doesn't bother me.

So George needs a weapons man, eh?

A cup of tea, Ken? Y-Yuh...

Yeah, he'd like one.

My friend in the CIA had a stutter.

Cost him his life, dammit.

DOOR OPENS:

Hi, George.

Hello, George.

Get you a scotch?

Yeah.

George...

This is Otto.

So...

..you're Wanda's brother? Good to be

here. England is a fine country!

Did she tell you what we need?

KEN GASPS:

Something like that?

Something like that.

Hello, Wendy!

Had a good day?

I spend the morning trying to get

the waste disposal man to come,

had lunch with Marjorie Brooks who

spends the entire meal complaining,

then I come back here and Sandersons

have sent the wrong flowers.

Oh, no! Would you like some tea?

Yes!

I won the case. This is the first

moment I've had to myself all day!

Portia, how was the show? Awful.

I need a new horse. But you liked

Phantom. He's not fit for dog meat.

Can I change him?

It won't cost much.

Aren't you making the tea, Archie?

Let me do it. No, I'LL do it!

I won the case!

Oh! Now this is cracked!

They're worth about 100,000 each.

There are 135 of them -

that makes 13 million, my friends!

Dollars? Pounds, pet.

This is the big one, so...

OK.

Yeah.

Otto!

Yes?

OK.

What?

The plan!

Yeah, great! What was

the middle thing about the police?

We don't meet up at Heathrow

until Tuesday... Yeah!

I haven't finished yet!

Because the police will watch

the airports for 72 hours. I know.

I know.

Do you want m-me to g-get...

..a b-big...c-car?

Yes, Ken. A limo, OK?

Put diplomatic plates on it.

What if he has to say something

during the break-in? No-one says

anything! It's OK. Ken's good.

So, next week, we won't have

to look for work!

And it won't have to look for us!

Oscar Wilde.

You really like animals, don't you?

What's the attraction?

Because you can t-trust them...

..and they don't sh... Sh*t on you?

..Shove off all the time.

Nietzsche said

they were God's second blunder.

Bye, Sis!

Well, you t-tell him from me...

that I c-could...

Bye, George!

Talk to Mom and tell her I said hi.

OK.

THEY WHISPER:
Don't let him

touch you. We'll be together soon.

I'm sorry my brother's

so insensitive.

He's had a hard life.

Dad used to beat him up.

Good.

Move and you're dead!

ALARM RINGS:

DOGS YAP:

Look where you're going,

selfish pig!

People just think

they own the pavement!

I love robbing the English!

They're so polite.

Th-Th... What? The dog! 20 million

dollars and he's worried about

an insect! It's not an in-in...

Stammer's no better, is it?

Have you thought about surgery?

SIRENS WAIL:

Ken...

Bye.

Let's split. Heathrow, Tuesday.

No celebrating! No celebrating?

See you in a couple of hours. OK.

To 20 million.

To a job well done! To us.

To the best brother and sister

team since... Romeo and Juliet?

Those cockney klutzes

bought our story! What MORONS!

I want you to know something. What?

Even if you were my brother,

I'd still want to f*** you.

Ooh... Mmm...

Make the call.

Un momento, carissima. No Italian!

Due insalate verde

con pepperoni! No!

E un linguini primavera!

No! Make the call, Otto!

Are you really Italian?

Assolutamente.

Otto means eight.

Say arrivederci a Giorgio.

Bye, George. Putta me through to...

Hello. Sorry to trouble you,

but I thought you'd like to know

that the Hatton Garden robbery was

pulled off by a Mr George Thomason.

He lives at...

..flat 3, Kipling Mansions,

Murray Road, London W9.

Wanda?

POLICE SIRENS WAIL

KNOCKING:

Open up!

George Francis Thomason?

Passport. Tickets. Money.

A**hole!

CAR CRASHES:

We're rich, Wanda. Yep!

I bet you've had the most exciting

time of your life with me.

You said it!

HE GASPS:

..OK.

OK... I'm DISAPPOINTED!

Son of a b*tch!

What do you have to do to make

people trust you?! Shut up!

People always take advantage of me!

Think! Where is it?

What are you doing? I'm thinking!

First I'll hang him up

with piano wire, then...

I'm going to talk to him.

Then I'll... Talk to who?

Talk to who?

In the course of installing these

windows, you knelt on broken glass

from the pane you'd dropped? Yes.

And your parents can confirm this?

And his aunt, Georgina Thomason.

KNOCK AT DOOR:

Yes?

Excuse me, sir. There's

a young lady to see Thomason.

Anything else? That's everything

for the moment, thanks.

Ken will be in

with the fish food later.

Thanks.

OK.

Well? We'll be OK on the glass,

but what else will they have?

WOLF WHISTLES:

Oh, George!

I can't believe this is happening!

That's not allowed, miss.

Are you OK? I'm all right.

I can't handle this.

I couldn't sleep. I was afraid

the police... Leave it out, OK?

Listen...

Listen!

You stayed at my place.

We slept late.

You made me breakfast.

What? What's he doing here?

He wanted to see you!

Who did it, George?

Do you want me to rub him out?

Anything. You name it.

I have friends making enquiries.

Good.

The jewels are very safe.

If I get sent down, it gets

handed back to cut my sentence.

To cut my sentence even more, I

could tell them who done it with me,

if I wasn't very happy

about everything.

What was the middle thing?

Piss off.

Do you want me to...? Now!

George...

..you don't think...? Do you?

No!

No...

No!

OK. George? What?

(Are you sure the garage

is very safe?)

Trust me.

Thanks a lot. Bye. Have a good day.

He's not sure it was you. That's

something, I guess. What about you?

He believes me. That's why he can't

figure out about you. Figure out

what? If you turned him in, stupid!

Don't, er...

..ever, ever, EVER

call me stupid, OK?

What?

That's George's lawyer. The other

guy must be the barrister.

So? Trust me.

Let me know if anything

unexpected turns up. Excuse me!

Don't I recognise you?

No, I don't think so.

Oh... But you are

a famous barrister, aren't you?

Um... Well, hardly!

Well, could I have

your autograph anyway?

Yes, certainly. Thanks.

I'm studying aspects of your legal

system. I'm American. Oh, really?

I've only just started. It's

fascinating! What brings you here?

It's a little embarrassing.

I have a friend.

Oh, I see. Well, there you are.

I knew it! You're Archie Leesh!

Leach. Right!

I saw you in court,

er...two weeks ago!

The casino break-in?

Oh, you were great!

Oh, I'm a big fan of yours! I love

the way you, er...cross-examine.

I really admire your work!

Thank you.

I'd better not... I don't suppose

you'd...? No, fine. Right.

Well...

Thank you for this.

I'll treasure it.

Au revoir.

You speak French, too.

What's going on? Whatever George

decides to do, he'll tell Leach.

Why?

Because he's his lawyer.

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