A Fish Called Wanda Page #2

I know that.

So I'll get to know Leach. George

will tell him where the diamonds

are? That's what I'll find out.

You done well, my son!

Where we gonna hide it?

The fish tank.

Very good.

Don't tell Wanda anything. Otto

might get something out of her.

George.

You are going to g-get off?

Don't worry, Ken. We'll

fix it. Anything on Otto?

Not yet.

You watch him.

Ken?

OK.

The police have been all over it.

I'll change and then I'll help look.

Hello...K-Ken's p-p-p-pets!

Hey!

Wake up! Wake up, limey fish!

So, how are you going to get

friendly with this lawyer?

I don't know. I'll improvise.

Insects!

I thought Englishmen didn't like

women, the way they talk.

He's straight. Cute, too,

in a pompous sort of way.

You got the hots for him?

I'm not into necrophilia, thanks!

Is this hump-a-limey week? Otto

disapproves. Otto might get jealous.

E molto pericoloso, signorina.

Molto pericoloso...

Carissima... Speak it! Speak it!

Ossobuco milanese con piselli!

Melanzane...

Parmigiana con spinace!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

No! No! No! Si! Si! Si!

No! Not here!

Not here, Otto!

Um... Mozzarella? No, not here!

Parmigiano!

No!

Wanda?

Look what I've got, Wanda!

Treasure!

I thought it was the police.

Isn't it horrible about George?

I've a headache.

Will you buy me some aspirin?

DOOR SHUTS:

What's that? Otto's in the bathroom.

Otto? We went to see George.

It was horrible!

Isn't it terrible about George?

When I find the bastard

who squealed!

I love that man!

What are you doing here?

Wanda was upset, Ken.

She needed to talk to family.

But sh-she just had a sh-shower!

I must speak to you.

WANDA SOBS:

Are you OK? Yes. Thanks for coming.

Call me if you need me. OK.

Can't you think about her feelings?

Something f-funny is going on!

Oh, dear.

You don't even know why

you're excited. I saw the... Ken!

Isn't it time you faced up

to certain realities, Ken?

Come on!

You're attractive. You're smart.

You've wonderful bones, great eyes,

and you dress interestingly.

W-What...?

We could have fun together.

We'd be good for each other.

What do you say?

You must be j-jo... May I kiss you?

No, you f***ing can't!

Just a peck! No tongue! No!

Ken!

OK, you didn't realise I was gay.

OK, look, I'm sorry.

I've handled this badly.

The physical side can wait.

You need time.

But will you think about it?

Oh, my God!

OH, MY GOD!

Ken, somebody just called!

They said that the police know that

the loot is in a garage in Fulham!

You and I have to go and move it

before the police find it! N-No!

It's all right! What?

Geor... Geor... George...

Mo... Mo... Moved...

George moved the loot?! Yes.

WHERE DID HE MOVE IT, KEN?

Ca...

Ca...

I don't know. There's a key.

It's in...

Don't tell me. It's better not to.

Oh, you know,

if it wasn't for George...

Otto...

..tried to ki...kiss me.

I thought he might.

No, nothing. No marks at all.

But it is a safety deposit box key?

Yes. But it could be any one

of millions - hotels, banks, offices.

Thank you.

(F***!)

That's him. That's him, Inspector.

HE tried to murder my dogs!

Davidson!

A legal student wants to see me.

What time is Sir John due? 12.30.

Come in!

Hi. How nice to see you!

Am I interrupting? Absolutely not.

Really? No, really.

I'm delighted to see you.

So...this is the place, huh?

This is it. Very nice!

I was over at the courts

this morning. It's fascinating!

Everyone wears these. Do you?

Ridiculous!

Well, I only have a few minutes

before... I'm sorry.

But I'm all yours.

I just have a few questions.

I'm having a problem

understanding preliminary

criminal procedures. Good.

What exactly is the committal?

It's where the prosecution

presents prima facie evidence

that the accused has a case

to answer for trial.

Let's just take, for example,

my friend George Thomason.

When he goes for his committal

on Wednesday... Thomason?

Yes. George Thomason?

Yes. Do you know him?

I'm defending him!

What are you talking about?

I'm his barrister. His lawyer.

That's so great!

That's so weird, though, isn't it?

I'm so happy

that you're defending him!

Thank you. He'll get off now!

Wow!

Well, I can watch you work now!

Please.

Amazing.

Anyway, at the committal,

George would then plead...

"Not Guilty". Really?

The evidence is circumstantial.

What about the identification?

An elderly lady.

I think they've got the wrong man.

You don't think he did it. No.

Let's just say for argument's sake

that you did think he did it.

If further evidence came to light,

for example. Right.

You'd advise him to plead guilty,

and turn over the jewels to cut his

sentence. He'd turn them over to?

To you?

Theoretically? Of course!

Well, um...

I'm so sorry,

I've forgotten your name.

Wanda.

Wanda. What a fool!

Well, Wanda, there are three...

Not Wanda Gershwitz?

Yes.

My God. What?

You're his alibi! I can't talk to

you! Why not? My dear young lady...

..you're a defence witness!

You must leave. Why? It's not

ethical for me to talk to a witness!

Everyone does it in America.

Please leave,

or I may have to give up the case.

Please?

Oh, Archie...

I didn't come here today to talk

about boring criminal procedures.

Come on! You know!

You knew the minute

I walked in here!

I want you.

What?

BUZZER:

Hello? 'Sir John is here.'

Show him in. Make love with me.

'Pardon?' Nothing!

Take me to bed, Archie. No, sorry.

Bye, Uncle!

Hi!

DRAMATIC CLASSICAL MUSIC

He's pleading "Not Guilty",

so you're safe until the trial.

Leach doesn't think he did it.

Ken says there's

a safe deposit box key,

but only George knows where it is.

"Thank you, Wanda(!)"

What have YOU found out?

Not a lot. You realise he's

in court tomorrow? I know that!

So nothing, huh? Nichts!

Zip...

Diddly... Bubkas...

Niente!

It's too big! No, it isn't, Portia.

It's enormous! No, it isn't!

Please, Mother. Absolutely not!

I'm so miserable and you just

don't care! Do shut up, Portia!

People complain to me all day!

Oh, dear.

DRAMATIC MUSIC:

TRUMPET FANFARE:

Ecco l'uomo!

Le due cupole grande

della cattedrale di Milano!

Benito Mussolini!

Dov'e il Vaticano?

Oh... Ecco l'uomo!

# Volare, oh, oh!

# E cantare, oh, oh... #

Archie, I want you to speak to her

about plastic surgery. Hmm?

I wish you'd listen. I want you to

speak to Portia. I'll speak to her

in the morning. Good night, Archie.

Good night, Archie!

Good night, Wanda!

Good night who?

Sorry, darling. Just a stupid case

I've got tomorrow with some old hag.

Are you George Francis Thomason

of Kipling Mansions, London W9?

Yes, sir.

Charged with armed robbery.

Sit down.

Are we ready for a committal claim?

Yes, it will be under 6-2.

That is correct.

Here are the statements.

To be fully bound, please.

Stand up, Mr Thomason.

You are hereby committed to stand

trial at the central criminal court.

There is some urgency

about this case, madam.

The main witness, Mrs Eileen Cody,

has had heart difficulties recently.

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