A Girl in Every Port Page #3

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He did have bad ankles.

His last ten starts, he could barely run.

Trick of your trainer, sir, to outfox you.

We have that horse,

and his ankles are as sound as mine.

Your trainer was a Yankee rascal

who was fixin' to bamboozle you

and buy him for himself.

That's exactly what he was doing -

fixing to bamboozle you.

Really? Well, now you've got him instead.

Congratulations.

Thank you, sir.

When I learned of this deception,

I said to my associate Mr Blossom...

You all met Mr Blossom?

Oh. How do, sir?

- How do you do?

- I said, "Mr Blossom,

"there's some things

a gentleman will not do. "

That's exactly what he said. He said we

should acquaint Mr Sedgwick with the facts,

and give him an opportunity to buy

his horse back, and that's what he said.

Well, that's very generous of you, Admiral.

- Colonel.

- Oh, I beg your pardon.

Colonel. I admire your ethics in the matter.

Sailor's heart has to

be pure, ain't it, Benny?

Ooh!

Yes, my ex-trainer was capable of that,

but I'm still willing to be open-minded.

However, I'm out of racing completely.

If you had a horse that could do a mile

and an eighth in 1.50 without pushing him...

- Not even a little shove.

- Little Aaron?

- Shh.

- I don't believe it. Are you sure?

Positive. Come see for yourself.

Wait a minute.

Has Miss Temple gone yet, Miss Brooks?

Yes, Mr Sedgwick, some time ago.

It's not important.

I'll phone her later. Thank you.

- Where is he?

- At the stable waiting for us.

- Well, what are we waiting for?

- For you, sir.

Mr Sedgwick, sir, you are all in for the

biggest surprise of your little old life.

Let's shake on it.

And if you all don't mind, you all can

drop that Southern-fried tongue... Colonel.

I all won't be...

I won't be back this afternoon.

Amazing. This horse could barely walk

two days ago.

He couldn't even run, could he, Benny?

Examine him closely, friend. You'll find the

animal's legs as sound as a pre-war dollar.

- Hello, everybody!

- Hi, Janey.

Janey, this is Bert Sedgwick.

Meet Jane Sweet.

How do you do?

Are you, uh, any relation of Pop Sweet?

I don't know about that but he was my father.

She was also his daughter.

As strange a coincidence

as ever came my way.

I'm surprised you can say his name

- after what you did to his horses.

- Well, I'm sorry...

If my father were alive and saw what you've

done to them he'd turn over in his grave.

Well, we had bad luck.

It takes more than luck to win a race.

- Takes two fast horses.

- With no bad ankles.

And an owner who can tell one horse

from another.

Ah, Colonel Forsyth, and Mr, er, Blossom.

Are we ready for the demonstration?

Never mind the double talk,

the Civil War's over.

- You're late, what happened?

- Oh, a little red tape at my banker's.

Mr Sedgwick, I believe.

- Great admirer of yours, sir.

- How do you do?

Our trainer, Doc Garvey. Shall we move

over to the track and watch the work-out?

Great idea.

- You got the watch?

- Yes, here it is.

It's been with me for years. I had to

get it out of hock, that's what kept me.

- What's so special about it?

- This one is talented.

It stops at 1:
50, no matter

if it takes two hours to run the distance.

We're in, then -

I never saw anybody hooked better.

He's looking at that horse

like it's his sweetheart.

He's looking at Jane

like she's his sweetheart.

Yeah, and that part I don't like,

so let's get him out of here.

- One last appeal.

- The answer is still no.

Benny and me just want to get even.

We don't wanna do nothing crooked.

Well, let's not go overboard.

All right, son, let it go.

He's off.

- If he doesn't fall asleep, we got a sale.

- He don't look sleepy to me.

Come on!

Oh, isn't it wonderful?

Mm-hm. Very wonderful.

Look at him go.

Champion form, by George.

He's running

like someone's after him.

- Good boy!

- Not bad.

1:
50 flat, by George,

and he wasn't even trying.

- Let me see it.

- Right here on the timepiece.

You're not going to buy him, are you, Bert?

Millicent, what on earth are you doing here?

Because if you are,

I'm going to be very disappointed.

After telling me

you'd given up all this nonsense.

Oh, well, it's nothing like that,

it's just that these gentlemen

were sporting enough

to straighten out a bit of dishonesty

on the part of my former trainer.

I couldn't do less than listen, could I?

I suppose not.

Excuse me.

Goodbye, Miss Sweet. I hope you'll give me

the opportunity sometime of explaining.

Better save your explanations for the horses.

Not that it'll do any good. They won't

understand you - they don't speak English.

Bert?

Thank you very much, it's too bad I've given

up racing. You've got a great horse there.

Almost had him. Where did she drop from?

Far, I hope, and may she continue to.

- If not English, what do they speak?

- Horse, naturally.

Never thought of that.

He was flying at the finish.

He's all right for a farmhand.

Come on, boy.

See the way Little Shamrock breezed

around that track? Like a champion.

- I'm sorry I didn't bet on him.

- But there weren't any other horses.

- That's why.

- By the way, what did he really do it in?

Well, this watch only goes to 1:50...

My sainted auntie! You see what it says?

He did it in 1:
45 and three fifths seconds.

But he was supposed to do it in 1:50.

This means we not only got a twin,

we got a horse!

I told you we had a horse

and not an elephant.

You can tell an elephant by the way

he can remember things.

Little Shamrock can't remember

his own name.

It's a bonanza! Lucky thing

that young man didn't take him.

Now, we'll enter him as Little Aaron,

he'll start at 100 to 1,

and we've got a clean-up.

- Brain working, Benny?

- And how!

- We'll enter him, but as Little Shamrock.

- Oh, no, anything but that.

- Why not? That's his name.

- We'll say that he's Little Aaron's twin.

- But I thought he was.

- Well, they've got identical parents.

I know a horse player - Bert Sedgwick will

be around next day wanting to buy the nag,

then we'll give him the switch

we planned for today.

You mean we'll sell him back Little Aaron.

Right. Any other questions? Yes

- isn't there a simpler way to make a dishonest dollar?

All right, you guys, one at a time.

Remember, I haven't got my glasses on.

You wouldn't hit a man with no glasses.

Bearing in mind an oil well

that turned out to be a dust well...

If they could only run automobiles on dust.

...and a gold mine which turned out

to be located at Fort Knox...

I just said there was a lot of gold there

if we could only get at it.

And a certain island in the South Pacific

which we bought

only later it turns out the island sank

to the bottom of the ocean in 1809.

We were a little late.

Lucky we weren't on it.

We just want to brief you, sailor.

Show him, Chuck.

See that, son? That's our entire wealth.

We're betting it on Little Shamrock,

that horse of yourn.

Show him, Spud.

That's an anchor, sailor.

It's mighty, mighty heavy.

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