A Girl in Every Port Page #4

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OK, Red, you carry on.

That's a rope, boy, and it fits over

your head nicely. Take over, Matt.

This is the touch, sailor

- if by any unlucky chance Little Shamrock shouldn't win

and we should lose our roll...

I tighten the rope around your neck,

tie the other end to that anchor...

Spud, tell him what you do.

I drop the little old anchor

spang in the middle of the harbour.

Don't anybody tell me,

I think I'm beginning to get it.

If Little Shamrock loses,

Red ties this rope around my neck,

ties me to that anchor, and drops me

in the middle of the harbour.

- Check.

- What are you worried about?

Shamrock'll win in a breeze.

There'd better be a breeze.

This is the third four-course dinner

you've eaten. You'll lose your appetite.

I'll eat a hundred dinners, Janey,

if it'll keep you talking to me.

I don't think they have

a hundred but I'll ask.

Janey, being in love

makes me awful hungry.

- Oh.

- Whatever he offered, I'll double.

Behind my back, eh?

Remind me to cut you dead next time

we meet. I'll bring my own knife.

Oh dear, you better order

something. The manager's looking.

Breakfast 9 to 12, lunch 12 to 4,

dinner 4 to 10, supper 10 to 12.

Doesn't leave you much time for myself,

does it?

I'll take the full-cost dinner for 85 cents.

On second thoughts,

cancel the dinner and give me 85 cents.

Have you seen the racing form? We're in it.

"It appears that Little Aaron

has a twin brother named Little Shamrock

"and they're running him. Shamrock,

by any other name, would be an Aaron.

"Keep the rubber on your bank roll. "

They don't believe it.

People never believe anything

except if it isn't true.

Does that mean we get our money back?

If he wins. If he loses,

look for me at the bottom of the harbour.

- All right.

- Can you swim?

We may have to spend

our lives underwater.

- We wouldn't have to stay long?

- No, just until we get used to it.

I don't think I could stand

any longer than a minute.

Doesn't give us much of a future, does it?

Still, think of the money we'll save.

Now, don't you go drowning Janey,

if she don't want to.

The old, old story.

A man's best friend and his best girl.

She may be your best girl but she's gonna

be my wife as soon as she says yes.

Foolish boy. Tell him, Jane.

I certainly hate to break up

this charming little gathering

but Miss Sweet has work to do.

That's all right. I don't mind.

I'm enjoying myself.

Mm, and do you think you could bring

yourself to enjoy some other customers?

- For a change?

- Well, I'd like to but I'm busy right now.

I've got a lot of people to wait on.

And now, if you two gentlemen don't object,

I could use this space you're occupying.

So nice of you to ask us but we've got to go.

Pardon me, anybody, but who

perchance is gonna pay me?

Give this good man meat and drink

and put it on my bill with the fare.

And to whom, may I ask, do I charge it?

To experience.

Those fakers.

They're running him under another name.

I, er... won't be in

for the rest of the afternoon.

Er... very important conference downtown.

Lades and gentlemen,

welcome to another day of racng.

The horses for the frst race

are on the track now.

They're off and runnng...

There goes the first race. I gotta

check in. Any last instructions?

- Yeah, just stay on the horse. That's all.

- And have Little Shamrock come in first.

- Then he'll be certain to win.

- Get the idea?

Yeah, but don't forget,

I'm riding in the race, not running in it.

You better weigh in, they're looking for you.

And try not to come in ahead of the horse.

Why don't you two get a place

to watch and I'll join you?

Good luck.

I'm beginning to dislike

this animal more and more.

Not only do I have to shell out for feed

and rubdowns but I have to get him girls.

How about wishing me good luck?

With encouragement, I could be a horse.

Good luck.

With that much encouragement,

I couldn't even be part of a horse.

Don't get behind any other horses

and I'll see you in the winners' circle.

I wish you had his confidence.

After you've taken this, you will.

It's just a vitamin pill, do you a

lot of good. Do us both a lot of good.

Open wide. Maybe you won't be running but

you're going to feel as though you were.

Oh-oh. Brother Benny.

Uh, how does he look?

Like he'd like to get back to the plough.

Maybe he will before the day is over.

Is Skeezer around? I've got

a few last-minute instructions.

He went to check in...

or out, for all I know.

Now, this is for your own good, son.

And the improvement of the breed.

Psst!

Oh, er, I've been looking for you.

Now, in and out fast, then keep him there.

Don't try to be smart with him.

He don't look happy to me.

I think he misses his plough.

He'll be happy today. Guarantee it.

Good luck.

It won't hurt you, pal.

I take 'em myself.

There goes Lttle Shamrock.

He's dancng around the track.

He looks Ike a sprted horse today,

very eager to run.

I've been looking all over for

you, High Life. I've got a hot one.

Tell him to go away, Slow Poke.

Tell him I ain't forgotten what he did

to me with his phoney chips.

You heard him, beat it.

Tell him to stake on the candy nose.

A couple of C's. Tell him it's red hot.

A horse called Little Shamrock. He's loaded.

Ain't that the nag Bert Sedgwick

had with a new moniker?

Mm-hm.

Tell the tout to get out while he can walk.

All right. You'll be sorry.

Don't say I didn't tell you.

Get outta here.

They've reached

the startng gate.

Havng trouble wth Lttle Shamrock.

Extra handlers back hm nto the gate.

He never acted like that before.

- What's gotten into him anyway?

- It ain't hay.

I thnk they've got hm n now.

They've got hm n. They've got hm.

Fnally the flag s up.

They're off and running!

Lttle Shamrock stumbles at the start

and traIs. Patrck's Boy s gong.

Second s Lazy Dan, then Awkward Green,

Hot Valere and Hghway Tde.

Into the turn. It's Patrick's Boy by a head.

Lazy Dan by two lengths,

Hot Valerie and Highway Tide.

There goes Lttle Shamrock

chargng past on the nsde.

He's sixth... No, he's

fifth! No, he's fourth!

He must be full of vitamins today!

He's flying!

It's Hot Valere, Lazy Dan, Patrck's Boy

and Lttle Shamrock on the outsde

stll closng ground!

At the halfway post, t's Hot Valere ahead

of Hghway Tde, Lttle Shamrock now thrd!

Into the far turn,

Hghway Tde s takng the lead!

Hot Valere s second! Lttle Shamrock

s thrd! They're headng for home!

Into the stretch, t's Lttle Shamrock makng

hs bd and he's flyng! What's got nto hm?

It ain't hay.

Mmm?

He passed Hot Valere,

now headng for Hghway Tde!

Here's Lttle Shamrock comng away!

It's Lttle Shamrock by two!

Lttle Shamrock by three!

Lttle Shamrock all by hmself!

As they cross the Ine to fnsh,

t's Lttle Shamrock!

Lazy Dan was fourth.

Hey, hey, hey!

Attenton, lades and gentlemen,

the tme was 1.43 and three-ffths,

settng a new track record

by two and a ffth.

Hi, Bert. Isn't that your horse?

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