A Gnome Named Gnorm Page #3

Your idea.

STAN:
Yeah.

Look here, Stan, there is

no way I am teaming

up with this...

Outstanding role model for

police officers everywhere?

I mean, come on, it's taken me

a year to get Gallagher

whipped into shape.

That's into shape?

Look, I know that Casey

is a little bit off-center.

But what happened last night,

that could have happened

to any one of us.

That guy's a flake.

Hold it. Look,

I like Gallagher.

You know that.

But he just couldn't cut it.

It's that simple.

Kaminsky is your partner now.

And I don't care if you

like each other or not.

Stan, just hear me out.

Won't you at least

let Casey and me clear up

this Zadar deal?

I mean, he's already

got some leads.

What kind of leads?

Well, he claims

that he's got a witness.

Someone who can

identify the killer.

Who? Where is he?

Well, I don't

exactly know. Um...

He said he's a little guy.

Damn it, I took him off

this case. Get Gallagher

in here right away.

I can't have some loose cannon

rolling around, interfering

with this investigation.

Where's Gallagher now?

Ah! Shoot!

Nice job. Beautiful.

Wait a second,

you eat cardboard?

You dress in bark and stuff.

It's a little strange.

Little strange.

Okay, you said something

before about your people.

Now, what were you

talking about here?

Just what are you?

Not tell.

Oh, not tell, huh?

You, not tell.

Oh, me not tell.

You mean like keep a secret?

Spit.

Spit on word.

(HORKING)

It's very attractive.

Spit.

Look, hygienically

this is a bad idea,

I gotta tell you that.

(GROANS)

All right,

it's a deal. Okay.

You want a loogie?

'Cause I'll give it to you.

Loogie.

(SNORTS)

(SPITS)

Puny spitter.

Okay, I spit.

Now you spit it out.

What's the deal

with this rock?

Lumen make our world bright.

Our food grow.

Is it like the sun?

Lumen see up-world sun,

grow bright again.

Each 10 of your years.

You bring the lumen to the

sun, you expose it to the sun

and it recharges itself?

Yes, now it's time.

If lumen die,

my people die.

Your people, your world.

You mentioned this before.

What are you

talking about here?

What are you?

Gnome.

A gnome? Can you

grant wishes, gnome?

No, can you?

Wise ass, huh? All right,

so you're a gnome.

What's your name, gnome?

Gnorm.

Gnorm.

Right, I'm on a stakeout

with a gnome named Gnorm.

Yup. Stakeout.

First of all, if you were a

gnome, you would know that the

"G" in gnome is silent.

It's gnome, okay?

No, it's gnot.

Don't push it with me.

Gnorm warrior.

Yeah, you're a warrior.

Just remember who's calling

the shots here, okay, pal?

(YAWNING)

No, I am not falling for

that routine again, okay?

All my friends

know the low rider

Wow, look at that!

Don't stare.

(YELLS)

Low rider

drives a little slower

Low rider is a real goer

Wow!

Easy, bro.

Good to see you, Reg.

That's a gun.

Stakeout, stakeout.

No, Gnorm, that's a gun.

Guns kill.

Stakeout.

Stakeout.

Why didn't you say so?

Get in.

CASEY:
Now I'm gonna

get in his face.

MAN:
Anything else today,

Mr. Reg?

Yes, one leg of lamb

and four pounds of ribs,

not the baby backs.

Chong!

Chong, is that you?

Chong, I missed you

in Vegas last week.

Baby, what happened to you?

Listen, I ran into Ching,

he said you were with Chang.

I had no idea

what to think. Reggie.

Reg, we have to talk now.

You're a cop?

Right.

Beat it.

And you're the sucker

who made a deal with a cop.

Now, look, I don't think

Zadar's is going to take

too kindly to that, Reg.

Get lost, cop.

Hey, Reg, listen.

We had a deal.

Deal went sour.

Somebody got blown up.

Now, we'd like to

pin it on Zadar.

But if we can't, we're

going to pin it on you.

Unless, of course,

you want to lead us

to your boss.

(GRUNTING)

I thought I told

you to get lost.

Maybe you don't hear right.

Maybe you'll hear better after

I break both of your legs.

(IN HIGH PITCHED VOICE)

Oh, I can hear. I can...

Look, cop, I don't like being

leaned on. You understand?

And I don't like

being harassed.

And most of all,

I don't like cops.

(MUNCHING)

Hey, is that your kid?

Not my kid, no.

Not my kid.

(REGGIE COOING)

I like kids.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, what kind of a father

are you anyway?

Oh, I am nobody's...

Bringing a kid to an

environment like this.

You ought to be

ashamed of yourself!

You know kids

are impressionable.

You don't see

very well, do you?

(IN NORMAL VOICE)

Reg, can we talk about this?

Reg! Chong! Where's Chong?

Get Chong.

Somebody call Chong.

Chong!

All right, cop.

Chong. Chong.

(LAUGHS)

Chong! Chong!

What the...

Reg. Hey.

(YELLING)

Chicken necks!

Chicken necks.

Gnorm. Gnorm. Gnorm. Reg.

Reg.

WOMAN:
Ivar Theater.

Get me Zadar.

(COOING)

(WHISTLING)

Gnorm, Gnorm. Gnorm.

ZADAR:
Hello?

Yeah, it's Reggie, listen.

The creep is a cop.

Kill him.

No problem.

I already got him on ice.

I was joking, joke.

That's a gun. Reggie.

Reg.

(SCREAMING)

Reggie. Reg.

I am going to get you...

Sucker!

GNORM:
Bye.

One more. Good, let's see

what we get here.

Stop.

The Ivar Theater?

Yeah, what's your address?

Okay, thank you, thanks.

How did you do that anyway?

Got in his face.

Listen, I owe you

one, all right?

I really appreciate this.

Now listen, you stay put.

I'll handle this one,

all right?

(SCOFFS) Like last time?

Disguise.

Lumen.

(GROWLS)

Easy.

Freeze!

GNORM:
Lumen.

Get back, Gnorm,

he has a gun.

Gun shava.

Gnorm, move. Freeze.

I said freeze.

He has gun.

Yeah, and his is loaded.

He has the lumen too.

Let's go.

Gnorm, move! Move!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

MAN:
Whoa!

LAPD.

Get out of your car.

You got to be kidding me.

This is my car...

LAPD. Get out of your...

Get out of your car.

Damn fool, what the hell do

you think you're doing?

Gimme my car.

Damn fool!

LAPD.

Oh.

What the hell.

GNORM:
Whoa!

What's he rushing for?

We must be running late.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

GNORM:
Woah!

(WHIMPERS)

Hey, relax, will you?

(YELLING)

Relax!

Will you relax?

Shava!

Why dead man in box?

I don't know,

it's just the way

we do it here, okay?

Up-world crazy.

(TIRES SQUEALING)

Huh?

DISPATCHER:
Hit and run.

Westbound Wilshire at Hingham.

Incident 2-5-3-5.

Sounds pretty close,

let's check it out.

Just relax!

Hey, hey! Look out!

Help me, help me.

Quick, I took a course.

I think we can save him.

Well, don't just stand there.

Help me.

(SPITS)

(SHUDDERS)

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

Hold it right there.

I said hold it, Gallagher!

Slug slime.

(YELLS)

(GROANING)

(JACKHAMMER RATTLING)

(GROANING)

Hey, you really

knocked them dead

this time, Gallagher.

(LAUGHING)

Look, I know how

this sounds, okay?

I know how it sounds.

Really?

Hey, look. Let's say

I buy this, all right?

Just tell me who this little

witness is and what he was

doing in the park last night.

That I can't tell you.

You can't?

Listen, I can.

But I can't.

I promised I wouldn't.

You're a police officer,

Casey.

What's gotten into you?

I made an oath of silence.

I spit on my word.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes