A Good Old Fashioned Orgy Page #10

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About a half an hour.

I'm good. I'm gonna-

I'm getting it. Ah!

Poor bastard.

F***ing so good. Aah!

Hang in there, buddy.

Almost there.

Yeah. Yes. Yes!

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'm coming.

Yes! Oh, yes!

Yes, yes, yes!

Oh, yes! Yes!

Yes! Aahl

Hey! Good morning, everybody.

So, uh, look what I got.

Commemorative Labor Day

orgy T-shirts right here.

Pink and blue.

Unisex,

100 percent cotton.

You made T-shirts?

McCRUDDEN:

Yup. Laura.

Huh?

Where are we gonna

wear these?

Anywhere.

What do you mean?

Jesus Christ, I am

hungover like a madman.

All right, ladies.

Ladies, I got one-

One easy question for all of you.

Overall,

where would you rank me?

Just have a bagel and relax.

Listen, I need to know.

I just- I need to know.

Well, for me,

there was one clear winner.

Okay, I know, good. Eric. Blah, blah.

Big surprise. What about this guy?

I was gonna say Adam.

Adam.

What?

For a neurotic hypochondriac

with panic attacks,

he was really uninhibited.

So what? Out of the four dudes

in the house,

I didn't even rank in the top two?

That's what you're telling me?

Didn't I do my move?

The move with the fingers

and the tongue? The Thoosh?

McCRUDDEN:
Laura.

You did it.

I thooshed you. I know I did.

You don't need to do it now.

We don't need to see it again.

Yeah. Can we just

eat breakfast?

It's Marcus.

Hello?

Oh, tell him how much

we missed him.

Hey.

Everybody's up.

Hey.

Morning.

Hey, man, about the sh*t

that went down last night-

Dude. Oh, sh*t, I'm sorry if I did anything

weird to you or Willow, like, any thooshing.

Anything like that. I'm sorry.

I was so f***ing hammered, I don't remember anything.

Seriously, nothing?

You don't remember anything?

No.

Nothing. I remember the f***ing

absinthe shots and then that's it.

I'm so bummed, that was gonna be spank

fodder for the next 20 years of my life.

Total f***ing blackout.

Thank God.

Amen.

I got something for you.

Holy sh*t!

Dougie.

I did it. I got more coming.

Oh, my God, dude,

this is major.

I wanted hat, but he was

so passionate about no hat.

No f***ing hat.

Good sh*t, man.

I still would've

Photoshopped in the dudes

schnizzing on your face.

But it's just me.

You made f***ing shirts.

F***.

Yeah. Hey, Willow,

grab one of those.

It's blue and pink,

my favorite.

A medium. Awesome.

It's the Breakfast Club.

Oh, there he is.

Sam Rockwell.

Ha, yeah, there you go.

Thank you, I'm sorry,

and you're welcome.

Ahh.

Oh!

Still a little sore.

Hey.

Yeah, I think

we're headed down shortly.

Yeah, I'll see you there.

That was Kelly.

Slut.

Ooh!

Uh, she's, uh,

headed to the beach.

I'm gonna meet her.

That's gonna be some awkward sh*t.

I wanna be front-row center.

Let's do it.

I'm there.

Give the ticks a goodbye hug

for me, please?

I will do so.

Okay.

I can stay here

and hang out with you if-

Yeah, yes.

Okay, heh.

We could, uh, hike a dip

in the pool or something.

Oh, the- Yeah.

I don't know about the pool

after what happened

in there last night.

Ew.

But you wanna

do the crossword with me?

I'd love that.

Uh, 16 Across.

So, what happened

with, uh, you-know-who?

Marcus apologized.

He wants to go to couples therapy.

You're getting

back together?

We're gonna go to city hall, get

married, see if we can make it work.

What the f***(?

Just kidding.

Okay.

Yeah, no, it's totally over.

Nice.

I'm proud of you.

Thanks, Sue.

That's too bad.

I always liked that guy.

God, I hope

Kate has some guys for us.

Hell, I'd even go to Hoboken.

I mean, if he's really amazing, I'd

consider going to Jersey City.

Oh, you would not.

I'm just making

a point.

Uh, so Eric, um,

last night,

Oh.

some things came up.

Yeah, I swear.

I had no idea.

No, it's fine, really.

It was just something

that I needed

to get out of my system.

I hope she likes

my sloppy seconds.

Oh, come on.

Morning, Kelly.

Hey. Morning, Eric.

Hey. Hey.

Hi, I'm Mike.

We haven't officially met.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, wait, Mike.

Right. You're the guy

that Dody was asking about.

She wanted your number for some kind

of business thing or something?

Ah, what the f***.

Give her my digits, all right?

Nice to meet you.

Let loose the Kraken. Yeah.

So wow. Okay.

About last night.

How about this?

What?

How about this about last night?

We never talk about it

ever, ever again.

It never happened.

All right?

You and I have just met.

We're starting fresh

right here, right now.

Done.

Done.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Kelly.

Hi, Kelly. I'm Eric.

It's nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Hey!

Your BlackBerry.

Ah! Just an empty

symbolic gesture.

I'm getting a new one

on Tuesday.

But that did feel really,

really good.

So this is the beach, huh?

Pretty beautiful. Who knew?

This is it.

Let's go on.

Come in!

Okay, listen.

I've got some bad news.

You're at Qaeda.

No.

You know the delay I pulled

with closing the house?

It spooked the buyers

and they pulled out.

The house isn't sold?

No.

Are you mad?

No. No, no, no.

Will you hold on

a sec though?

Hey, guys!

Yeah?

Quick announcement.

I have a really shitty Realtor.

McCRUDDEN:
Fire her.

And she blew the deal.

And the house still isn't sold.

They're pissed.

They're mad.

Great, now they're pissed.

They're mad.

Now I gotta start thinking of

something to do for Memorial Day.

We've been kicking around

this idea for a brown party.

You know brown clothes,

brown food.

Hey, you guys

remember Kelly, right?

I always do what I am told!

Jesus Christ

I'm gettin' old

And I gotta

Get it right now

I gotta get it right now

All my friends are

So locked down

And I'm 23

I should be screwin' around

And I gotta

Get it right now

I gotta get it right now

Gotta get it right now

Gotta get it right now

What do you want?

Password's roundelay.

Who's your

connection?

Dody Henderson.

She's our Realtor.

Oh, Dody.

Yeah, she's in the swing.

Come on in.

Come on, you too.

Gotta get it right now

Yeah. Okay.

I've got visions

I can't see

Country houses

And one-way streets

I gotta get it right now

I gotta get it right now

Sometimes this feels

Like e dream

Without the you

Without the me

And I gotta get it

Right now

I gotta get it right now

You say he's just a friend

Oh, baby, you

You got what I need

What?I

But you say

He's just a friend

What, what

But you say he's just a friend

Oh, baby you H'

[DON'T DO IT' PLAYING]

Can I get

A little kissy-kiss?

Can I get a little

Hoochie-coo?

I'm like a soldier

Marching in the sun

My guns are pointed

Baby, straight at the moon

And abstinence

Don't do it

Abstinence

Don? do it, don? do if

Don? do if

Well, early in the morning

When we're ell alone

Well, how could I ever

Be so dumb?

You're driving drunk

In your boyfriend's car

Let's throw the babysitter

Into the trunk

And abstinence

Don't do it

Abstinence

Don? do it, don? do if

Don? do if

When you're all alone

On your own

No one ever holds you

Don't do it, don't do it

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