A Good Old Fashioned Orgy Page #9

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I know. I know. Uh...

Did you fly here

on a carpet?

No, heh. No, no. I, uh...

It's a last-second

costume concept for, uh...

Look, I, uh- I've been thinking about

things and I realized something.

Oh, sh*t.

I thought we ordered pizza.

What'd you get, Indian food?

I'm sorry.

I, uh- Sorry to interrupt.

Sorry.

Uh, Pete, give us a second?

Hey, hey, hey, Eric.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

You didn't call.

I know.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Oh, pizza? Really?

I'm sorry.

No, that's all right.

Hey, what's up, man?

Eighteen bucks.

Go, have fun. Hone-

Honestly. No biggie.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Bye.

McCRUDDEN:
Like I don't know

that I don't have a girlfriend.

Like I'm not trying to remember that

every f***ing night of my life.

It's hard.

Hey.

Hi.

So where were we?

Where'd you go?

I know, I know, I know,

I, uh... Heh.

I'm sorry I left. You know, I...

I'm gonna be honest with you, guys.

Um, I'm freaking outa little.

I have had the best times

of my life

with you guys in this house

And I'm gonna miss it.

I'm gonna miss it so much.

I love you guys.

I love every single one of you.

She wasn't home, huh?

No. No, She was home.

She was on a date.

Yeah. And I showed up

dressed like f***ing Aladdin.

Well, I think that

you look adorable.

And I am so happy

that you're back.

It's been a pretty

emotional night for all of us.

How about a big

super-gay group hug?

Oh, yeah.

Group hug.

Yeah.

Oh! I love you guys.

Aw!

Oh, my God.

Wow.

Oh, my... I would not

have called that.

Hey, what was that

about earlier?

Yeah, nothing. Later.

What?

Wha-?

Oh, gosh!

It's happening.

It's really happening.

We can do this.

I don't know if I can.

We'll do it together.

Okay?

One.

Two.

Three.

Hello, b*obs.

Are they okay?

They're f***ing fabulous.

Thank you.

Oh. And just so you know, um,

I've never been able to orgasm,

so no pressure.

I'm all about giving pleasure.

This is so much better

than porn.

Well, hey-o.

Oh, my God!

I told you so.

You weren't kidding.

That is remarkable

that he is insecure.

Tequila!

You got what I need

And you say

He's just a friend

Oh, baby, you

Got what I need

But you say

He's just a friend

Oh, baby, you

Got what I need

McCRUDDEN:

Everybody, drink from the ceiling.

Hey, Mike.

Hi there.

You guys have gotta try these chocolate-covered

strawberries. They're so decadent.

Oh, no, no. I'm good.

I just had some Bagel Bites.

Where'd you get Bagel Bites?

Shh. Forget it.

Mahalo, freaky people.

We were thinking it might be fun if we

all went out and made love in the pool.

Yes, yes.

Yeah, you wanna go in the pool?

No. No, no. We're good

right here. We're good.

Oh, we're okay.

Yeah.

Thanks though.

It's chlorinated. Have fun.

Sue, I'm so happy

for you.

All right, Hey, guys, could we

just get a minute? Just a minute?

Yeah, just give us

a sec, will you?

Oh, so sorry.

We're not giving you

enough privacy at an orgy?

Oh, kind of a fair hit.

Yeah, now, shh.

Are you okay?

You wanna talk or something?

No, no.

Just be in the moment.

Okay. Yeah, no, can do. Can do.

Okay. Okay.

Oh, f***, f***, f***.

Oh, yeah?

You like to dirty hall

Yeah?

Ooh, f***.

Okay, you wanna f*** me?

You wanna f*** me hard?

No, Sue. Hop off. My foot, my foot.

Oh, oh, okay.

Oh, foot cramp.

Oh!

Okay.

Ooh, that's a doozie.

Shh. okay. All right.

Oh, God, my big toe's so far

away from my other toes.

Okay, hey.

Hey, Hex it out.

Flex it out. Flex it, okay.

Oh, we should have

done this 15 years ago.

Hey. guys-

I broke my diet.

Okay. You're good?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah? You're good?

Okay. There it goes.

There it goes. Oh, wow.

Okay.

Shh! Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Oh, no, it's back.

It's back worse!

Ooh, it's- The little guy

is in on it now.

Hey, gang. Sake bombs.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, my dick is having

the best night of its life.

Oh, we're all f***ing.

Oh, we're all finally f***ing.

Oh, and I can be as loud

as I f***ing want!

Oh, no. Shh, shh.

Owl Ow, my contact.

Alison, my contact.

I'm good. I'm good. Play through.

Bro, count me down.

What?

Count me down from five.

What does that even mean?

Oh, f***! Count me down from 10.

Count him down, Adam.

Just count him down.

This whole sex in the pool thing

is not working.

Water is not a lubricant.

McCRUDDEN:
Okay, brothers and sisters.

Let's hike this party indoors.

I'm running with honor!

Pineapple mojitos.

Yeah, mulched with fresh mint.

F***!

Are you ready?

As I'll ever be.

Ooh!

I'm next, I'm next, I'm next.

Vodka tonic.

Yo, can I mg in?

Oh! You're like the sweet,

tender lion.

Mike, go away.

You guys haven't slept with anybody else yet.

You're hogging Willow.

Go away.

Go away, Mike.

Vodka.

Come on.

Sue, I just wanna say I'm so sorry

about the whole Eric thing.

No. Totally don't.

It's so over. I don't care.

No, but you know, you're a really

good friend and I love you.

No, I love you.

You are so smart and you're so beautiful.

And I totally get why he would

wanna be with you.

You're the beautiful one.

Oh, my God,

your body is ridiculous.

Your body

is ridiculous, okay?

And I would give anything

to have your breasts

just for, like,

one day.

Yeah, but your ass

is off the charts, seriously.

Okay. I would kill

to have your eyes.

You know that you have

the most beautiful green eyes

that I have ever seen.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh!

Wow!

I saw that.

You see that?

It looked like a little flash of light.

I know. I think I just- God.

I never thought I'd

hear myself say this,

but I'm gonna

hike a break

from this

girl-on-girl-on-girl action

and check the score

of the Yankee game.

This feels f***ing fabulous.

Ah, Michael!

Let's go.

Are you sure?

Yes, 100,000 percent sure.

Let's go. Right now.

Okay, okay. Let's go.

You f***ing did it. Look at this.

You are awe-inspiring.

Oh.

Thank you, Mike.

No.

I'm gonna tell you something right now and I

want you to listen because I f***ing mean it.

Okay.

You could be the president

of the United States.

Well, not after

something like this.

Hey, shh, no.

I'm f***ing serious.

You could do it

if you wanted to.

Yeah.

You're getting kind of close,

Mike.

Am I?

Yeah.

Oh.

You're not trying to kiss me,

are you?

Would it scare you if I was?

I guess so.

F***ing kiss chicken, dude.

It's on.

All right.

Let me just

set this right here.

Whatever.

You scared yet?

No.

McCRUDDEN:
No?

Mm-mm.

How about now?

Touching your nose with my nose.

It's okay,

I'm part Eskimo.

McCRUDDEN:

We're nose-kissing, buddy.

It's more than our noses

touching right now.

It's our souls.

Yeah, that's been brewing

for years.

Well, I think we both won.

I'm pretty sure

we both just lost.

Tonic.

Boo!

Don't stop. Don't stop. Don't stop.

Almost there. Almost there.

No, don't stop. Don't stop.

Ah! Don't stop.

It feels so good.

It feels so good, don't stop.

Hm?

Mmm.

How about that?

So how long

has this been going on?

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