A Good Old Fashioned Orgy Page #8

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Just because they have a baby doesn't

mean we should discriminate.

Plus, Kate's rack

is killer right now.

Thank you, Michael.

Yeah.

Jesus, Mike, are you insane?

No. No, no.

Dude, dude, dude, 10 o'clock.

Ten o'clock. My 10, my 10.

Sh*t.

Hey! Look who it is.

Hi, there it is.

Hey, uh, this is my Realtor,

Kelly.

This is the group,

the gang.

Hi, Kelly.

Hi, Kelly.

Gosh, I've heard so much

about all of you guys.

How? When?

What? Why? What's she talking about?

Let's get a drink.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You think we couldn't handle

this because we're parents?

Well, we can handle sh*t

that you can't even imagine.

You know, you motherfuckers

have no idea.

That's right.

No idea.

Come on.

You- You-

You're all lightweights.

You are all playing JV ball.

Lightweights.

Whoa.

All right, Glenn.

Come on, honey.

On a lighter note,

I have this present.

D*ldos.

You know, in a pinch, this would

be great for a toothbrush.

And I have no idea

what this is.

Hey, Eric, what's up

with all the d*ldos?

Hey, those are my friends.

Hey, what's going on with the house?

Um, I've been able to slow things down

to buy you till the end of the summer.

Really? Yeah.

Oh, you're the best.

Thank you so much.

What is that?

What?

What's going on?

Nothing.

He told me not to tell

anybody so...

Yeah, okay.

You know.

Keep it on the down-low.

Yeah.

He asked her out

to get them to stall.

Went on a couple dates,

likes her,

doesn't want to sleep with her before

the orgy because it's wrong to do both.

Oh. He doesn't wanna

sleep with her.

That actually means

he likes her.

Oh.

Awesome.

Hey. Dildo wave.

Hi.

Hi.

Phew!

Yo, maharajah,

wanna get my back for me?

What is this sh*t?

Self tanner, man.

I wanna look like a porn star.

F*** me, I just stroked out

my third batch du jour

You boys might wanna do the same.

Don't wanna come quick like a bunch of amateurs.

Oh, God.

I am not touching you.

Ah, f*** it.

I'm gonna whack it again.

You look so pretty.

So do you.

Thank you.

I love it.

Consider yourself warned.

This absinthe is the real deal.

I had it flown in from Amsterdam.

The guy that sold it to me said it's the stuff

Van Gogh was on when he cut his ear off.

Oh, no.

McCRUDDEN:
Uh-oh.

It's gonna be

a starry night, huh?

It smells like licorice.

A toast. A toast.

To friends.

Ohh.

To friends.

Ohh.

And to making sweet love

with, to, near...

On.

In.

Under. And behind.

All right, salud.

L'chaim!

Hagalaka.

Whoo! Sober. Never more.

The pillows look really nice.

Yeah.

These Crate and Barrel or...?

You guys look great.

Oh, thanks.

You look so f***ing hot.

I'm just being honest.

I wanna lick your belly button.

And yours, your belly button's nice too.

You got a good one too.

I haven't seen yours, but I'm gonna

lick the sh*t out of that thing.

Wow.

As the de facto lead wolf,

right?

I, uh-

I should kick this mofo off,

but I gotta be honest with you.

I have no idea what to do, so...

Lead wolf?

Oh, yeah.

You had to be there kind of.

Tut-tut-tut. Okay.

Listen up, everybody.

As per usual,

it is up to me

to get this party started.

Hang on. I got something for you.

Hang on a second, ladies.

Yeah, rock 'n' roll.

Holy moly.

We're on safari now.

Yeah.

How many leopards had to die?

Just one big old kinky leopard.

They won't kick us out.

If we're here,

they won't kick us out.

Okay.

They won't do it.

And we're totally sure

we wanna do this?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Somebody do something. Huh?

All right? Anybody?

All right, f*** it. I'm gonna call it.

Sue, kiss Alison. I'm gonna start touching myself.

Oh. We could start with a

back-rub circle like in college.

I'll get things started.

Yes. Yeah!

Here we go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm sorry, I can't.

I can't do this anymore.

I can't.

I can't do this. I'm sorry.

I knew it.

I knew you'd f***ing

puss out, man.

I'm not pussing out.

I'm in a relationship

that I really appreciate.

And I don't wanna f*** this up.

Classic Duquez. You know,

it's like doughnuts, no doughnuts,

hat, no hat, orgy, no orgy.

We hike a look-see

through the window

and if it looks, like,

too freaky or lame,

Yeah.

we hike off.

And if it looks,

you know, cool, we go in.

Okay?

Okay.

I'm not mad at you.

Eric, Eric. I love

what's going on here,

but I don't think

you need to insult.

You should actually communicate.

My God, Alison, please.

Give it a rest? Just one night?

You're uncomfortable with emotion.

Oh, yeah, I can't. I'm the

only one here with issues.

It's just me? What about you

and your relationship?

We broke up.

You broke up?

Yes.

You broke up?

Like you broke up a couple years ago

at the Oktoberfest in July party?

That kind?

What happened on Oktoberfest?

This one tells me that her and

Marcus are broken up. Over.

We're joking, having drinks,

she tells me about it, we hook up.

Next morning, she's having

brunch with the guy.

Whoa, whoa, wait? What?

You never told me this.

Sue, I don't need to tell you because nothing happened.

We didn't sleep together.

You told me it was a blowj*b,

she wouldn't swallow.

No, I did not, Mike.

I did not say that.

It was a f***ing hand job.

Hand job. That's right.

It was a hand job.

I'm sorry. My bad.

Please don't go there.

No, no, no.

Alison, shut up.

You're a hypocrite.

What's going on?

First of all, they're dressed

like Indians from India.

That makes much more sense.

Yeah.

This is why I don't tell you.

You could've given him a blowj*b.

Why didn't you f*** him?

Why don't you get over it?

How long are you gonna be

obsessed with Eric?

Oh, sh*t.

Wait, what?

Okay, okay.

'Urch' your brakes on,

people.

We are rapidly losing

the erotic vibe.

I'm gonna get this party rocking

right here in a major way.

What you got, man?

Ready, set, here we go.

Oh! Let loose

the Kraken.

Yeah!

Will you give it a break, Mike?

This sh*t's pathetic.

Oh, f*** you. You f***ing p*ssy.

You're lame.

You're the lame one, man.

You don't have a job. You don't have a girlfriend.

You follow Eric around

and do everything he tells you to do.

You're like his little f***ing pet.

Dougie.

F*** you, Doug.

Is that what you think of me? You think that I'm his-?

You think I'm his f***ing pet?

No.

He meant pet in a nice way.

Is he f***ing with me right now?

This is the worst orgy ever.

Should we just go home

or...?

No.

We already got a sitter.

You wanna go see a movie

or you wanna-?

Okay, okay.

All right, time out.

Time out.

Time out, T.O., okay?

I think everyone just needs

to take a deep breath.

All right?

We need to relax and chill out

for a second, all right?

Whoa!

Where are you going?

Ah.

I'm just going outside

to get some fresh air.

Clear my head.

I swear to God, guys,

I thought this was gonna be fun.

Oh, yeah. Oh!

Why won't God

just let me have an orgy?

Okay.

All right, here we go.

Eric.

Kelly, heh, heh.

What are you doing?

I thought you were with your friends.

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