A Guy Thing Page #5

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Hello?

- Paul Morse?|- Yeah?

- We found your man.|- You're kidding.

I don't see him in there.|I'm sorry.

Take a good hard look.

Just take your time.

Nope. None of these guys.

Let's motor.|Thank you, gentlemen.

I know he means well,|but I'm ready to get a divorce.

Even the gardener|looks good to me at this point.

The issue is...

Those are my presets!

Who's that?

That's me.|It's for the wedding video.

You were wearing knee socks.

That's a uniform.|A requirement of the troop, OK?

Hat man!|Look at you in that fedora.

Not every kid|can pull that look off.

My mom said|I looked like Indiana Jones.

Your mom loved you very much.

This is it.|We gotta be quick.

Let's lock and load.

Someone is always|expecting someone.

The trick is figuring out who.

- Who's there?|- Get off the buzzer!

Brian, is that you?

Holy sh*t!

You didn't mention|that Ray had a dog.

What if he wakes up?

Yeah.|I forgot to mention that part.

Just be quiet,|get the pictures...

and get out of here.

What the hell is this?

I found them!

Wait, what's his name?

Little Ray.

We should run.

Go! Go! Go!

OK, right here!

Hurry! Close it!

We can handle this.

It's only a dog.|I gotta be smarter than a dog.

OK. Calm down.

Watch this.|You ready, Little Ray?

Good throw. Yeah.

We're screwed.

- What are we going to do?|- Good question.

We're stuck in this bathtub.|It could be hours.

Ray'll come home,|take a shower...

find us in his bathtub,|and kick my ass!

You're upset.

- What?|- Plus, you're on my foot.

God, it's asleep.

I gotta take my boot off.|Help me out.

Seriously?

That is one|weird-looking foot.

Didn't stop you from|trying to sleep with it.

Know what Karen'll do|when she finds out?

- I have an idea.|- She'll call off the wedding.

Her dad's gonna fire me.

Maybe getting|fired by Uncle Kenny...

wouldn't be the worst thing|in the world.

- It's a good job.|- You like it?

I sell ad space in hunting|and recreation magazines.

What's not to like?

Wow.

Excuse me...

not everybody can do|whatever they want.

Work five different jobs?

That's not the way|real life works.

Do you smell that?

- What?|- Fear.

You've got the smell|of fear all over you.

Can we switch, please?

What about you?

I'm trying some stuff out.|I'd rather do that...

than get stuck doing|something I don't love.

I've never been in a bathtub|with a girl before.

It's not so bad, is it?

Nah.

I've got an idea.

If I slide this door open...

at the same time that|you slide that door open...

we can jump out|while the dog hops in.

- OK?|- OK.

Come on, Little Ray.

- You ready?|- Ready?

One, two, three!

Who's the tough dog now?

Why aren't we going out|the front door?

I'll tell you later.|Come on.

I get it.|Take the fire escape like on TV.

Keep your voice down!

I can do this. All right.

Come on, let's go!

I can't.|I'm afraid of heights.

You just walked down|all these stairs.

This is different.

It's OK. Come on.|We got to go.

OK. OK.

Just hold onto the rail.

You got it?

See? It drops down.

It wasn't too bad, was it?

Yeah. That was fun.

OK, let's go.

I can't believe I pulled it off.

"We." We pulled it off.

We could have been stuck|in that tub for hours.

And I saved your life|on the fire escape.

You're pretty good at this.|Have you done this before?

I love this hill!|Hit the gas!

- What? Here?|- Go! Just trust me!

- All right!|- Go! Go!

Oh, my God!|That was unbelievable!

I've never done|anything like that!

Can we do that again?

Sure.

That was fun.

Yeah. Good times.

I never thought|I'd do anything like that.

God, it was just amazing.

You know, in the car?

Anyway...

So, I'll see you...

At the rehearsal dinner.

OK.

Becky?

You and Ray,|how'd that happen?

How did I end up with a psycho?

Yeah.

What can I say? Bad taste.

Well...

there aren't too many winners|like me out there.

You joke,|but you really are a good guy.

Guys like you are hard to find.

Good night.

Sh*t.|You gotta be kidding me.

Hi!

Caught him with|over an ounce of blow...

in his passenger seat.

That ought to put him away|for a while.

Great bust, Ray.|Go out and celebrate.

Don't be afraid|to rough him up a little.

He likes it.

What?

How about you start|from the beginning?

What beginning?

He pulled me over,|he put the drugs in my car...

and now I'm here!|What do you mean?

It wasn't working right,|so I panicked...

because I had to be somewhere.

And so I ran out,|and that was the dance lesson.

We know. With Howard.

That Howard.|So incredibly graceful.

You fellas can go.

- Who are you?|- Internal Affairs.

You were pulled over last night|by Ray Donovan? Is that correct?

- Yeah! But I...|- Do us a favor and shut up.

We know you didn't do anything.

Really?

Oh, my God.|So I can go home?

It's not that simple.|You need to do something for us.

No. I'm getting|married tomorrow.

I have a rehearsal...

Listen, stringbean,|we don't care what you want...

This is about what we need.

Yeah.

Remember also|to keep calm and cheerful.

Don't let petty things|get you off course.

No one wants to be a failure.

No one wants a life|constantly filled...

with worry,|fear, and frustration.

Therefore, remem...

Oh, my God.

Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

Hey, mister!

Oh, sh*t!

It's Jim.|Where the hell are you?

This isn't cold feet, is it?

I'm really confused.|Are you all right?

Sh*t!

OK, so I guess|I'll go stand in for you.

Maybe we'll see you|at the rehearsal dinner.

There he is!|Where you been, buddy?

Karen's got her nuts in a bunch.

Here he is!

Sorry, I'm late.|I know, I know.

- Hi, baby!|- Hi.

There you are.|About time, too.

There's my man!

How did you do this?

It was nothing.|I thought we'd start...

with the tomato boats|with pickle skippers...

and the asparagus|a la toastette.

And I got a little|roasted rosemary chicken.

Comes out with a crispy skin,|and it's all moist.

Thank you.

Are you OK?

I think so.

Just a little tired.

But this is...|This is incredible.

This is... just amazing.

Nice guy.

And just in case|Mom's recipe disappoints...

- You missed the rehearsal!|- I was stuck in traffic.

- Traffic?|- Yeah! Fifty min...

Paul, this is Minister Green.

Let's pray you don't get|stuck in traffic tomorrow.

From your mouth to God's ears.

I have to tell you, Paul...

that I put a lot of thought|into tomorrow's ceremony.

It will be somber, sacred...

a reminder of what|the true meaning of marriage is.

- That's nice.|- I'm looking forward to it.

Okey-dokey, dinner's ready!

Ken, Sandy, go over there.

Honey, why don't you|come over here?

So, Kenny...

what do you think of the condo?

It's great.

It's got a lot of... character.

When I gave up|the bachelor pad...

I said to Dorothy...

"I'll move in with you|under one condition.

"It's gotta reflect my style."

The Duke.

Signed by the artist.

Hold on a minute, son.

This is juice.|I prefer the wine.

I'm sorry, ma'am.|Mrs. Cooper...

I don't care what you were told.

I'm strong for an old lady,|aren't I?

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