A Guy Thing Page #6

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Yes, ma'am.

Wine, please.

Honey, you look|very handsome tonight.

I love that sweater on you.

- Thanks.|- It's very sharp.

Are you having fun?

- Yeah...|- Absolutely...

Great party.

I know!|And it's all for us!

Yeah.

I'm gonna slip off|to the powder room.

Go ahead. I'll be here.

- She's very sweet.|- Yeah, I know.

I'll be right back.

Check this out.

What is that?

The cops are on to Ray.|They're making me wear this.

They're sitting|outside listening.

Oh, cool.

Check one. One-Adam-12.

Breaker 1-9,|this is Ex-Tiki Dancer...

- Who is she?|- Some idiot.

What are you doing?

Oh, my God. Sorry.

I'm wearing a wire.|What are we gonna do?

This gravy|is absolutely heavenly.

Somebody smells really good.|Know what I'm saying?

I suddenly realized...

Did you know this?|I was a surfer.

I had a longboard.

Know what the real|mark of greatness is?

It's the Duke!

"Why, thank you, pilgrim."

Out there|riding on the horse...

man versus nature|versus himself!

Because man|fights his own self...

to find out|what it is about him...

Everyone?

I'd like to propose a toast.

To the chicken!

Man, how good is that stuff?

The story of how|Paul and Karen got together...

is old news|to pretty much everybody...

but I like to tell it|because it gives me a chance...

to remind my brother|that I am the one responsible...

for all of his future happiness.

That's right.|She talked to me first.

And if I had not been married|at the time...

I would've whisked her|out of that bar so fast...

it would've|straightened out her perm.

I knew right then|that Karen was a special woman.

She's the kind of woman...

who helps a guy|figure out the answers...

that she would make|an incredible partner...

and a wonderful wife|and mother.

The minute I saw her,|I knew she would be the one.

And that Paul|would be a happy man...

for the rest of his days.

So I raise my glass to Karen.

I wish both|her and my brother...

all of the happiness|in the world.

Well done, Pete! Well done!

Nice job!

You like that, Padre?

It's got a great beat.

Here's the same thing,|only backwards.

That's Satan, man!

I cannot believe|you mentioned the night we met.

When will you|let me live that down?

How many stories do I have...

about attractive women|hitting on me in bars?

I don't know.

Maybe when cute married guys|don't wear wedding rings...

that is the risk they take.

I actually remember the song|playing on the jukebox...

the night that we met.

Me, too!

You remember the song|that was playing...

the night I met Karen?

It's one of those songs|that sticks in your head...

and ruins years of your life.

No, Pete,|you are surely mistaken.

"Islands in the Stream"|is a great song.

What does the line...

When we rely on each other,|uh-huh...

What does that mean?

It means that they've come|to realize something...

that they rely on each other...

and as they realize that|they say "Uh-huh."

No, they realized the music|was still going...

and they'd|run out of lyrics...

so they made up|some nonsense syllables.

Pete, you're killing me!

- Excuse me.|- That is a beautiful song.

I remember what|you were wearing that night.

You looked so cute,|I thought you had mascara on.

- Hey, Ma.|- Hi, honey.

You got a second?

Sure, baby, it's your night.|What?

- You and Buck.|- Yeah?

You're pretty happy, huh?

Yeah. Very happy.|Your stepfather's different.

He's very, very different...

but there's|just something about him.

He gets me.|He lets me be myself.

I've never been happier, honey.

One, two, three, draw!

I think she got you!

I've just never been happier.

Who do you have to know...

to get a little|Grey Poupon around here?

Ray!

It's you, in my apartment,|making a sandwich.

It wouldn't kill you to keep|lettuce in the crisper.

No, it wouldn't, Ray.|Ray's here.

He's coming.|He's right there.

I don't know what you did|to get your butt out of jail...

but you think|you're the only slippery guy...

I've ever dealt with?

No, Ray.

Do you think planting evidence|is all I got?

I got a whole bag of tricks...

including kicking your ass.

You know what?|Bring it on.

Oh, a gift.

How do you like|this package, Ray?

Hey, yo mama!

What did you just say?

What?

I have to ask you to leave now,|seriously.

That's a death lock.|You ain't getting out.

That's good.

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah, shoot.

How do you cheat|on a girl like Becky?

How do you cheat on a girl|who's funny and beautiful?

Who speaks fluent Chinese?

Who's afraid of heights?|Which is kind of sweet.

Who's such a bad dancer.|And those feet.

A girl who's... Sorry.

Police! Freeze!

Get your hands in the air|or I'll shoot you!

Where were you guys?

You're going away|for a long time.

Whoa! Wait! Hey!

For making a sandwich?

We'll take the tape now.

What? Wow, I...

Hold on. You were wired?

Yeah, Ray, I was.

Son of a b*tch!

Get him!

Get off me!|Get off me, mini-cop!

Thanks for your help.

Yeah, big man!|Wearing a wire! A**hole!

This is a disaster.

We didn't all wear bow ties|to school when we were 13.

I was eccentric.|It was a phase.

Are you OK?

Am I OK?|Let me see, Pete.

I woke up with a tiki dancer|in my bed six days ago...

then I found out|she was my fiancee's cousin...

then I got mugged by|her psycho cop ex-boyfriend.

That's right... cop.

I broke into his apartment|and stole his property...

which is a felony...|then I got arrested...

but not for|breaking and entering...

which is probably what|you were thinking...

for cocaine possession.

And as a bonus,|I got crabs from a toilet seat.

- That's bad.|- I got rid of them.

Sh*t! I forgot to book|the string quartet!

Give me your phone!

This is going to be fine.

It's going to work out...

and you and Karen|will be together...

which is|the most important thing...

because she is...

Pete, don't start, please!

- Yeah?|- Jim!

I forgot to book|the string quartet.

Jimmy anticipated as much,|and I got you covered.

Oh, my God,|thank you so much.

Late!

He's on it.

Everything's going to be fine.

- How do I look?|- Great.

See you out there.

All right, thanks.

Oh, my God.

Ken! Mr. Cooper!|I didn't...

Were you in that stall|the whole time?

I'll tell you|what I'm going to do.

I'm going to overlook|what I just heard.

I believe|that you love my daughter.

And in spite of everything...

you're going to make her happy.

Am I right?

Yeah, but I can explain...

I don't want to hear it.|What's done is done.

But, sir,|I didn't actually do...

Paul, forget it.

We're men. We're hunters.

It happens.

Here. It's a butter dish.

And I just gave away|the surprise.

Thanks.

I know that a lot of weird...

fun weird things|happened recently.

You know that stuff|I said about taking chances?

That was all bullshit.

You're a great guy...

and Karen's a great girl,|so congratulations.

See you in there.

How about those pants?|Those look good.

- Hey, Buck!|- How are you?

- Pretty big deal.|- Hi, Sandy!

- Sorry.|- Music all set?

- It's all good.|- You're a little late.

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