A Haunted House 2
1
Help me get her in the car, Ray!
Okay, but this b*tch
heavy as hell, Cuz!
Nigga, get yo' hands off her ass!
Let me finger gangbang
her at least, homie!
- Just help me get it off of her!
- Okay, one finger then!
A'right, but we ain't
goin' inside, homie.
We gonna go around
the emergency loop...
roll her ass out like
we do all the homies...
that get shot in the hood, homie.
Why you snuff her
fine ass anyway, homie?
I wanted to bone, Cuz.
- She was possessed, Ray!
- Possessed?
Possessed like head spinnin'
around vomitin' everywhere?
Or like possessed like Kanye
when you take a picture of him?
Just drive like you
got warrants, please!
Nigga, I do got warrants! Look!
These right here! Jaywalkin'!
For eating grapes in the grocery
store without payin' for 'em!
Shavin' my dog's balls in public.
Drivin' with my hands
off the wheel, Cuz.
I be ghost-drivin' my whip, Cuz.
I like doin' that sh*t, homie.
An altercation with my Moms,
homie, but she provoked me, Cuz!
- Ray-Ray, I think she's waking.
- All right, here! Take this...
and pistol-whip her
with the butt of the gun.
I'm not pistol-whippin'
my girlfriend!
A'right, nigga, well, you drive
and I'll pistol-whip that b*tch!
- Kisha, resist!
- But you didn't!
I've seen you for the
b*tch that you are, Malcolm.
- What's she talkin' 'bout, homie?
- Booty pirates!
- Nuttin', she's possessed, man.
- S'right, you f***er!
He's a ghost buster!
That sound real suspect
back there, homie.
Was you in juvie, Cuz?
If you don't cry you ain't
no b*tch in there, homie.
I didn't cry. Doodles on
they. Joke's on them, Cuz.
that somebody gave me...
while I was locked up...
- Who are you?
- It's Father Williams, homie.
She do a mean impression
of that nigga, Cuz.
I do a mean impression
of The Butler. Check it:
"I'm here for the boss.
I'm here to serve the boss."
- Who are you?
- I'm Forest Whitaker, homie.
From the movie that's
like "The Help" but...
He didn't doo-doo
in the pie, homie.
Ray, I'm not talkin' to you!
I'm talkin' to Kisha. Ray!
Are you gonna let that
b*tch choke you out, Cuz?
You a b*tch, homie...
- Get the f*** off me!
- Kisha! Kisha!
Sh*t, she breathed
in my face, homie.
I'll get the bird
u, it's contagious...
She blacked out, Ray.
Hurry, we don't have much
time! Get us to the hospital.
Hurry!
Ray? Ray?
Oh, sh*t!
Oh, my God!
Kisha?
Kisha!
Ray? Ray!
It's a good thing I drank
that Hennessy earlier.
I can't feel sh*t, homie!
- I think Kisha's dead.
- Good!
Let's get the tuck
outta here, homie!
Listen. We were never here.
- I'm with you, Cuz.
- All right. Deuces!
We ghost hunters!
I don't know about
this place, baby.
You've said that about
There's just something creepy
about this place, like...
give me the heebie-jeebies...
like somethin' bad
happened in here.
Well, I love it. And I love you.
There you go, bribin'
me with vagina.
- Whatever works.
- Know when I'm weak.
Disgusting.
Oh, it's disgusting
when we do it...
but when you kissing
the whole entire...
sophomore class it's cool, huh?
Gimme that damn
camera, you little gnat!
- Finger. Real creative.
- Cut her some slack.
She's just goin' through a phase.
Yeah, a phase. It's called "whore."
- Look at that. Last a lifetime.
- Malcolm, stop!
No, see, that's a phase.
Looks like he met an
imaginary friend. It's normal.
What you doin' there, buddy?
Wanna help me load some boxes?
- Cool!
- A'right. My man!
- Sorry, Malcolm. I can't.
- Why not?
Tony says, "Aw, hell
no! I ain't yo' slave!"
Is it me or does his
Pretty progressive.
Why don't you and
your friend go play?
Okay. That game sounds like fun!
I don't like the
tripping game, Tony.
Look at all that sexy. Come here.
Gimme a kiss. Let's piss
off your forefathers.
Malcolm, it's 2013.
Interracial relationships
are not a big deal anymore.
Yeah, you tell that to the sistas.
You know, they be like,
"Oh, I know he didn't!"
"He did not kiss that
pasty ass white b*tch!"
Pasty?
"Yes! Not with them
old thin ass lips.
Look at them, look
like baloney slices!"
"See he spray scrippin' and
it don't make no damn sense."
Come here, Shiloh Junior.
There's my baby boy.
named our dog Shiloh Junior.
Well, I was gonna name him
Shiloh ll or Shiloh the Sequel...
but he wouldn't answer to
those, so Shiloh Junior it is.
C'mon! Hey, come on, Shiloh Junior.
Babe, are you gettin' this?
I don't understand your
obsession with cameras.
Hey, you can never have
too many cameras, okay?
Hey, Shiloh! Come on, baby.
You ready to go see your
new house, Shiloh Junior?
Come on, Shiloh
Junior. Shiloh Junior!
Hey, get inside.
Don't make me put
bass in my voice. Hey!
Shiloh!
God, I don't know
what's wrong with him.
Sh*t! Breathe!
I'm gonna call 9-1-1!
Call 9-1-1. Tell
'em the dog is white!
Tell 'em the dog is white!
Oh, God. I got a pulse.
Breathe! Shiloh, like this...
F***! Oh, my back!
Oh my f***in' back!
Please, help me!
My f***in' dog is a pancake!
Get me a goddamn pump!
It's working! Come on!
Meet me at the hospital!
The hospital's that way!
So young, never had a
chance to lick his balls.
I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm good.
You know, I'm just so happy
I got to spend time with Shi...
It's just every time I try
and say the name Shiii...
Shiloh!
Oh, God, it hurts! Oh, God!
It's tingly in... Oh God!
I'm goin' with you! Oh, God!
Time to go, bye-bye.
Shiloh!
Junior.
I really hate you.
That's what your daddy said.
That's why the nigga gone.
What've you got there?
An old box that I
found in the basement.
Don't you think we should
return it to the prior owners?
If they wanted it, they would've
taken it in the first place.
Okay, look, Becky,
I'm not your dad.
I'm just the guy
that's like... your mom.
So I'll make you a deal.
I'll let you keep the box...
if you promise to try and make
this work between me and you, okay?
- It's for your mom.
- Fine.
I think we're gettin' somewhere.
- Qu pasa, mi amigo?
- Qu pas, hombre?
Aqui noms, me tiene trabajando
como negro. Est cabrn.
No habla espaol.
I just do that when I'm talkin'
to negritos. It's all good.
- Did he just call me a n*gger?
- What's goin' on, bro?
We just moved in with
my girl right here...
and we was just wonderin' maybe if
you want to add us to your route?
Are you serious? Dude,
I live here, puto!
- It's my house!
- Oh sh*t! I'm sorry.
I just assumed... you got
the gloves and the hat...
and the lawnmower and the truck.
'Cause I'm Mexican I must be Jose!
Are you?
- No, fool! My name is Miguel!
- Is that your truck?
- Yeah, that's my truck!
- Then who's Jose?
That's my middle name. You
wanna guess my last name?
You guys are here,
you might as well.
I don't know. Rodriguez?
- That's racist, bro.
- You asked...
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"A Haunted House 2" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 4 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_haunted_house_2_1926>.
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