A Haunted House 2

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1

Help me get her in the car, Ray!

Okay, but this b*tch

heavy as hell, Cuz!

Nigga, get yo' hands off her ass!

Let me finger gangbang

her at least, homie!

- Just help me get it off of her!

- Okay, one finger then!

A'right, but we ain't

goin' inside, homie.

We gonna go around

the emergency loop...

roll her ass out like

we do all the homies...

that get shot in the hood, homie.

Why you snuff her

fine ass anyway, homie?

I wanted to bone, Cuz.

- She was possessed, Ray!

- Possessed?

Possessed like head spinnin'

around vomitin' everywhere?

Or like possessed like Kanye

when you take a picture of him?

Just drive like you

got warrants, please!

Nigga, I do got warrants! Look!

These right here! Jaywalkin'!

For eating grapes in the grocery

store without payin' for 'em!

Shavin' my dog's balls in public.

Drivin' with my hands

off the wheel, Cuz.

I be ghost-drivin' my whip, Cuz.

I like doin' that sh*t, homie.

An altercation with my Moms,

homie, but she provoked me, Cuz!

- Ray-Ray, I think she's waking.

- All right, here! Take this...

and pistol-whip her

with the butt of the gun.

I'm not pistol-whippin'

my girlfriend!

A'right, nigga, well, you drive

and I'll pistol-whip that b*tch!

- Kisha, resist!

- But you didn't!

I've seen you for the

b*tch that you are, Malcolm.

- What's she talkin' 'bout, homie?

- Booty pirates!

- Nuttin', she's possessed, man.

- S'right, you f***er!

He's a ghost buster!

That sound real suspect

back there, homie.

Was you in juvie, Cuz?

If you don't cry you ain't

no b*tch in there, homie.

I didn't cry. Doodles on

they. Joke's on them, Cuz.

By the power vested to me,

that somebody gave me...

while I was locked up...

- Who are you?

- It's Father Williams, homie.

She do a mean impression

of that nigga, Cuz.

I do a mean impression

of The Butler. Check it:

"I'm here for the boss.

I'm here to serve the boss."

- Who are you?

- I'm Forest Whitaker, homie.

From the movie that's

like "The Help" but...

He didn't doo-doo

in the pie, homie.

Ray, I'm not talkin' to you!

I'm talkin' to Kisha. Ray!

Are you gonna let that

b*tch choke you out, Cuz?

You a b*tch, homie...

- Get the f*** off me!

- Kisha! Kisha!

Sh*t, she breathed

in my face, homie.

I'll get the bird

u, it's contagious...

She blacked out, Ray.

Hurry, we don't have much

time! Get us to the hospital.

Hurry!

Ray? Ray?

Oh, sh*t!

Oh, my God!

Kisha?

Kisha!

Ray? Ray!

It's a good thing I drank

that Hennessy earlier.

I can't feel sh*t, homie!

- I think Kisha's dead.

- Good!

Let's get the tuck

outta here, homie!

Listen. We were never here.

- I'm with you, Cuz.

- All right. Deuces!

We ghost hunters!

I don't know about

this place, baby.

You've said that about

every house we looked at.

There's just something creepy

about this place, like...

give me the heebie-jeebies...

like somethin' bad

happened in here.

Well, I love it. And I love you.

There you go, bribin'

me with vagina.

- Whatever works.

- Know when I'm weak.

Disgusting.

Oh, it's disgusting

when we do it...

but when you kissing

the whole entire...

sophomore class it's cool, huh?

Gimme that damn

camera, you little gnat!

- Finger. Real creative.

- Cut her some slack.

She's just goin' through a phase.

Yeah, a phase. It's called "whore."

- Look at that. Last a lifetime.

- Malcolm, stop!

No, see, that's a phase.

Looks like he met an

imaginary friend. It's normal.

What you doin' there, buddy?

Wanna help me load some boxes?

- Cool!

- A'right. My man!

- Sorry, Malcolm. I can't.

- Why not?

Tony says, "Aw, hell

no! I ain't yo' slave!"

Is it me or does his

imaginary friend sound black?

Pretty progressive.

Why don't you and

your friend go play?

Okay. That game sounds like fun!

I don't like the

tripping game, Tony.

Look at all that sexy. Come here.

Gimme a kiss. Let's piss

off your forefathers.

Malcolm, it's 2013.

Interracial relationships

are not a big deal anymore.

Yeah, you tell that to the sistas.

You know, they be like,

"Oh, I know he didn't!"

"He did not kiss that

pasty ass white b*tch!"

Pasty?

"Yes! Not with them

old thin ass lips.

Look at them, look

like baloney slices!"

"See he spray scrippin' and

it don't make no damn sense."

Come here, Shiloh Junior.

There's my baby boy.

I still can't believe you

named our dog Shiloh Junior.

Well, I was gonna name him

Shiloh ll or Shiloh the Sequel...

but he wouldn't answer to

those, so Shiloh Junior it is.

C'mon! Hey, come on, Shiloh Junior.

Babe, are you gettin' this?

I don't understand your

obsession with cameras.

Hey, you can never have

too many cameras, okay?

Hey, Shiloh! Come on, baby.

You ready to go see your

new house, Shiloh Junior?

Come on, Shiloh

Junior. Shiloh Junior!

Hey, get inside.

Don't make me put

bass in my voice. Hey!

Shiloh!

God, I don't know

what's wrong with him.

Sh*t! Breathe!

I'm gonna call 9-1-1!

Call 9-1-1. Tell

'em the dog is white!

Tell 'em the dog is white!

Oh, God. I got a pulse.

Breathe! Shiloh, like this...

F***! Oh, my back!

Oh my f***in' back!

Please, help me!

My f***in' dog is a pancake!

Get me a goddamn pump!

It's working! Come on!

Meet me at the hospital!

The hospital's that way!

So young, never had a

chance to lick his balls.

I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm good.

You know, I'm just so happy

I got to spend time with Shi...

It's just every time I try

and say the name Shiii...

Shiloh!

Oh, God, it hurts! Oh, God!

It's tingly in... Oh God!

I'm goin' with you! Oh, God!

Time to go, bye-bye.

Shiloh!

Junior.

You could put a whole lot

of birth control in that.

I really hate you.

That's what your daddy said.

That's why the nigga gone.

What've you got there?

An old box that I

found in the basement.

Don't you think we should

return it to the prior owners?

If they wanted it, they would've

taken it in the first place.

Okay, look, Becky,

I'm not your dad.

I'm just the guy

that's like... your mom.

So I'll make you a deal.

I'll let you keep the box...

if you promise to try and make

this work between me and you, okay?

- It's for your mom.

- Fine.

I think we're gettin' somewhere.

- Qu pasa, mi amigo?

- Qu pas, hombre?

Aqui noms, me tiene trabajando

como negro. Est cabrn.

No habla espaol.

I just do that when I'm talkin'

to negritos. It's all good.

- Did he just call me a n*gger?

- What's goin' on, bro?

We just moved in with

my girl right here...

and we was just wonderin' maybe if

you want to add us to your route?

Are you serious? Dude,

I live here, puto!

- It's my house!

- Oh sh*t! I'm sorry.

I just assumed... you got

the gloves and the hat...

and the lawnmower and the truck.

'Cause I'm Mexican I must be Jose!

Are you?

- No, fool! My name is Miguel!

- Is that your truck?

- Yeah, that's my truck!

- Then who's Jose?

That's my middle name. You

wanna guess my last name?

You guys are here,

you might as well.

I don't know. Rodriguez?

- That's racist, bro.

- You asked...

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