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A Little Bit Zombie
Ah!
- Come on Penny, call it.
Where the f*** are they?
- Uh... there!
- Brains!
Right in the kisser.
- You know you don't have
to take such pleasure Max.
That used to be a human being.
- Shut it, Penny! Remember,
Direction is critical. I wanna
hear one o'clock, two o'clock,
three o'clock--
- Ten to ten!
- Whoa!
- Christ, Penny,
little help would be nice.
- OK!
- Old school.
- Nice.
Show off.
- Well?
- Uh...
um... I don't know.
I'm getting
multiple readings.
- Multiple readings,
piece of sh*t. Soo-eee!
Zombie, zombie, zombie,
zombie, zombie, zombie.
Soo-eee!
Brains.
Brains.
- Looks like this party's
just getting started.
- Brains.
- Brains.- ?
- Eww!
Shh, Tina.
You'll wake Sarah and Craig.
It's just a bug.
- I'm sorry, Steve,
I'm just not really
used to all this...
nature.
- Don't worry, the family
cottage is very modern.
The outhouse is barely
- Ha-ha, very funny.
OK, I need you
to focus.
Think head table. Ready?
A?
Or B?
- Uh... A?
- Oh, my God, I'm so happy
that you said that, 'cause
otherwise I would have
had to order in the yellow
orchids from Thailand, and
I think they almost
look the same.
- Almost.
Why don't you put that away
for now, Tina?
You did promise you were gonna
have fun this weekend.
- You're sweet.
I promise to have fun.
- Good.
- 'Cause I scheduled it
in the itinerary.
- Um...
- I'm just joking.
That's not
the itinerary
for the weekend. This is.
- Tina--
- Look, Steve,
there's still so much to do,
and you've been so busy
with your whole work
human resource thingy.
- Workplace conflict
resolution initiatives.
- Yes,
you've had all that stuff.
I guess I'm just feeling
overwhelmed.
I know that 300 people may seem
- 300 people?
- But in my family,
it's tiny.
I've had to make
a lot of compromises
for this wedding,
which I'm happy to do,
but I just want this
to be a special day
for both of us.
- It will be, baby.
I promise you.
- No doubt in my mind.
- Roll over.
- Your sister snores like a man.
- I know. It's cute.
- Yeah.
louder than my husband, but...
- Tina.
- It's just that
your sister and I are...
different.
- I know,
and I'm very happy
that you chose her
to be your maid of honour.
- Matron.
She's married, and older.
- Well, it really means
a lot to me.
- Aw, honey,
you mean a lot to me.
And you mean
a lot to Muffins!
- You mean a lot
to me too, Muffins.
Yes you do.
Yes you do.
- Aww.
So cute!
- Gross, Steve.
Those things eat their own sh*t.
- What are you talking about?
Germans?
- Tina's rodent.
- Sarah, would you like
to hold him?
- No.
- I would. Gimme
this little sh*t eater.
Ah. Ahhh.
- Get it away!
- Would you look
at us?
One big happy family
on vacation.
- Yeah,
it's gonna be great.
- Yep.
I spy
with my little eye
something that is...
fluffy.
Ha-ha-ha! You're
talking about the rabbit!
I am talking about
the rabbit! You got it
on the first go!
This is
why we're together!
You're good!
Aaaaaaand...
here we are.
So? What do you think
of the Williams family cottage?
- Uh...
It's... charming.
- Baby, I told you
we're roughing it.
- Sarah!
I need to know
where the cleaning products are.
We really need to give
this place a once over.
- Yes, Miss Tina.
Right aways,
Miss Tina.
- They hate each other.
- Yep.
to be her maid of honour would
bring them closer together.
- Well, b*tches are crazy.
Even when they like each other,
they hate each other.
- Maybe they
really like each other.
- No, those b*tches
really hate each other.
- Well, I deal with conflict
resolution opportunities
like this every day.
I think I can, uh--
- No, listen, buddy, seriously,
your whole corporate Jedi mind
sh*t, it's not gonna work for
your team-building skills here.
- I got a few activities planned
I think will help mend
this relationship.
- Mmm. And I have
a few activities planned
that'll help us get sh*t faced!
- Craig, you're family.
I need you on board
this weekend.
You're my best man!
- You are so...
sexy right now.
- Craig,
I'm being serious.
- And our balls are
kinda touching.
It's OK, we're family.
It's OK.
All right, don't mention that.
That one's free.
- Steve, honey, let's see.
Oh, well, look at you.
You're getting there. Craig?
Wow, Craig,
those are perfect.
- Yeah,
can I drink now, please?
- Oh, God, this is brutal!
This is the cottage.
We're supposed to be having fun.
- Its just one more hour,
OK, guys? I mean, we're almost
done the place cards, and then
all we have to do is
pick out the readings,
make the photographer's list,
we're gonna rehearse
the speeches real quick--
- Babe... Sarah's right.
Why don't we play a game
or something?
- Yes! I'll grab the beers.
- What kind of game?
- Now, the object of this game
is to untangle ourselves
without letting go
of each other's hands.
- Steve, is this
a team-building exercise?
- It's a team-building GAME.
- So it's like a party game?
- It's kinda like a party game.
- It's kinda like retarded.
- Sarah, we have to work
together as a team.
- Can I get my beer?
- No,
we can't let go of each other's
hands, and we can't talk.
- I can't drink
and I can't talk?
- Non-verbal cues only.
- All right, fine.
- Starting...
- Ow!
- Sorry.
- Just...
go under there.
- Guys! Remember the rules.
There's no talking.
- Oh, God. Time out. Time out.
I can't breath!
Oh, my God!
- I'm sorry. I tried to go
under your arm, but I got stuck
in your underarm fa-
- My what?
- OK, let's play another game,
shall we?
- What, did my matronly
underarm fat get in your way?
- Oh, Sarah,
don't be so dramatic.
- I'm dramatic? You're the one
our vacation.
- Well, if you really
feel that way, then maybe
I shouldn't have made you
my matron of honour instead of
one of my real friends!
- Hey, let's get drunk!
How does that sound?
- Way ahead of you, buddy.
- Fine! I don't want
to be your god damned matron!
- Fine!
- Fine!
- Calm down!
but you, Steve.
- Ah. Ow.
Will you please just--
What the...?
Ow! Ow!
Ow!
- Steve, what is wrong with you?
- Ow! Jesus! Ow!
- Steve?
- Ow!
Ah! Ah!
- Oh, my God! Steve!
- Holy f***, dude!
Are you all right?
- It just kept coming at me.
and then it bit me again.
- Whoa! That's a lot of blood.
- Oh, honey, are you all right?
- No, he's gonna be fine,
all right? Some dudes just can't
blood. Like, I was sword fishing
once, and buddy was casting off,
and he catches his buddy's nose,
and, like, rips like half of it
off, there's blood everywhere--
- All right, that is it.
Party is over.
We are going to bed.
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"A Little Bit Zombie" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 8 Jul 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_little_bit_zombie_12641>.
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