A Little Bit Zombie Page #2

- Yeah. Definitely.

- Steve, seriously? You're gonna

make me drink alone?

- Groom's mess.

Best man cleans up.

I'm gonna go

set some place cards on fire.

- That's a buzz kill.

Maybe we should go

home in the morning. This may

not have been the best idea.

- Hmm?

- It's just that I get

a lot of work done at home

and, you know,

the salon really needs me.

- No. No, no, no.

I think we should stay.

- It's just that

your sister is

so... Baby, are you OK?

You're as white as a ghost.

- I don't feel so good.

- Ohhh, is my big

strong man scared

of a little bit of blood?

I know what'll

make you feel better.

You haven't had one of these

in a while.

- Oh, yeah?

- A...

foot massage!

- Oh. Yeah!

It's weird. I just...

I just don't feel right.

- You have cold feet.

- No. No, no, no, no, no.

No, I don't. It's, it's...

I'm stressed

about everybody getting along.

- No, Steve,

your feet are like icicles.

- Oh. Sorry.

- That's OK.

Sarah and I...

we just...

we just rub each other

the wrong way sometimes,

that's all.

- I love you, baby.

- You're cute.

OK, I promise

to make more of an effort

to play nice

with your sister.

- And I promise

to make more of an effort

not to get attacked

by killer mosquitoes.

- You can't help it.

They like to suck your blood

because you're so sweet.

Ah-ah.

- Hey, Penny.

- Yeah.

- Come here, get a picture of me

with fat zombie here.

- You're a child, Max.

- Ooh, that'll be a keeper.

- This is weird.

I've never seen the orb--whoa--

flicker like this

- Really? What's it saying?

- What?

- Tactical Bacon is... that way!

- Max.

- Are you hungry, fat zombie?

I want

some Tactical Bacon!

- Max.

- Of course you're hungry,

fat zombie. You're a fat zombie.

- Max, we need

to investigate the area, OK?

- All right. Should we

investigate the area,

fat zombie?

Tactical Bacon

now!

- The orb is

never wrong, OK?

- Yeah, OK, right.

Well, we'll eat and then

we'll check out the area.

But, uh, first, come here,

come over here. Come here.

- Yeah?

I want you to give fat zombie

a little kiss.

- Eww, no!

- Why, is it 'cause he's fat?

- No!

- Jesus!

- Ah!

- My bad.

So much for your magic orb.

Let's eat.

- Uh, it's still flickering.

- Oh, Christ.

Happy?

- No, it's...

it's so strange.

It's a...

- Penny!

- It's as if...

- Tactical Bacon!

- Good morning!

Cory Cortex here,

comin' at your undead heads

with all the brainformation

a hungry mind can handle,

here at AM 640, The...

- ...Brain!

- Where we get into your heads

and sink our teeth

into what really matters--

grey matter, that is! Right now

traffic is a real headache.

In fact, it's a bloody mess!

And before you head out

to work, you--

- Good morning, husband.

Rise and shine.

- Huh.

Hmm!

- Come on, sweetie.

Have some breakfast.

- Did someone say

breakfast?

- Oh, ha-ha!

Muah!

- Oh, hey, Steve.

Oh, that looks good!

You gonna eat all that?

- No, thank you.

Hey, Craig, do you want

to go for a run?

- I would, pal, but the weather

forecast says there could...

be rain.

- Would anyone like a smoothie?

- I would.

Oh, no!

Brain freeeeeeeze!

- Well, let us

help you with that.

- Mmm!

- Mmm! So good! Steve,

you wanna come try this

with us?

- Brains.

- Brains.

- Brains!

- Brains.

- Brains?

- THE brain!

- Oh, come on!

- Ah, brains.

- Brains.

- Brains.

- Brains.

- Brains.

- Are you sure

I can't help, Tina?

- Nope! I'm scheduled

for breakfast.

And then I have

you guys cleaning up,

I have Steve and Sarah

making lunch,

and Craig and I will clean up,

and then I have Steve and Craig

starting dinner. If that's cool

with you guys. AND

I even gave everyone colour-

coded tabs to avoid confusion!

- Vacation itinerary. Yay!

- Good morning!

- Hey,

Pooh bear.

You're up late.

Uh, ooh, no.

- Oh, my God.

You look like sh*t.

- Nothing a good run won't cure,

right?

Everything OK

with you girls?

Super. OK, shall we?

- Don't be late.

I'm making quiche.

All right!

- You know,

I could teach you how to cook.

- When you get married, man,

it's like a constant battle

to hang on to your manhood.

- You guys seem

to be doing all right.

- Yeah, well,

your sister's pretty cool.

She's like

the female version of you.

That's why I married her.

- That's really disturbing.

- Yeah, well, they always say,

marry your best friend,

and in a weird sort a way

I suppose I did.

- OK, stop.

- To be honest, man, I don't

even recognize you anymore.

You're all... safe.

What's the matter?

- Sorry.

I can't find my pulse.

- You should be looking

for your balls.

- All right, enough.

You're my best man.

You're supposed to be--

- No, a best man is

supposed to be the guy

that's telling you

exactly the way it is.

and that's what I'm doing.

I've known you since college.

Face it, Steve, you're about

to settle into the big sleep...

Steve!

Listen to me, all right?

Men, we're all wired

to be alpha dogs.

Even p*ssy ones

like you who want to be

Bill f***in' Cosby, all right?

And women,

they dig alpha dogs.

Even strong-willed b*tches

like ours. You want to be happy?

Grow some 'nads, all right?

Don't care about peoples'

feelings

or expectations.

Take what you want, man.

- Take what you want...

Oh, God, that's gross, man!

- Come on!

You know what that was?

- Chimichanga?

- No, that was

a selfish, thoughtless

urge. And I haven't heard

or smelt you fart in like

three years.

And do you know why?

'Cause

you're not allowed to.

Heh! Brutal.

- Do me a favour:

don't tell Sarah I was smoking.

How do I smell?

- You smell like ass!

And Mexican food. Christ!

Eat a salad.

- Jealous.

- Steve, you know

we're gonna eat at least

twice more today, right?

- I can't help it.

I'm starving.

- I'm just happy that you're

feeling better, honey.

- Eww!

Gross! Steve,

you know I don't like that.

- I am so sorry.

I don't know

what just happened.

- Are you OK?

You look really pale.

too fast, didn't you? Did you

eats too fast? Is there too many

- eggies in your little belly?

- Are you not feeling very goo--

- Excuse me.

- Uh... I'm just, um...

I'm just gonna make sure

he's OK. I'll be right back.

- I know the itinerary says

I'm supposed to clean up...

but...

- It's fine.

- Hey.

- Hey.

You're smoking?

I thought you gave it up

when you moved in with Craig.

- Yeah, I started again

after you proposed to Tina.

- I don't know

what's happening to me.

- You're marrying

a f***in' b*tch?

- Don't start, please.

Why can't you just try

to get along?

- I'm sorry, Steve,

but I don't like her.

And I resent you for guilting me

into being her matron of honour.

- I'm happy with Tina.

- Steve, you look

like sh*t, OK?

And I think maybe this is

your body's way of telling you

something

that your brain is afraid to.

- OK, I'm giving up

a few things here and there.

That's it.

That's what a relationship is!

I'm not like you, Sarah.

I'm not--

- A b*tch?

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