A Little Help Page #3

No, you don't have

to do anything.

I want to, okay?

Oh.

Oh, God.

Okay.

Laura, stop!

F***!

I'm sorry. What?

I don't know. Ow!

(Groaning)

I'm...

Help me!

(Crash)

I'm sorry.

(Screeches)

Open again, please.

Yeah, there's definitely something

going on with that molar.

I'm gonna have Dr. Kellman take a look

after we finish with your cleaning.

Woman:
Laura?

Yes?

What are you doing here?

Well, right now

I have Mr. Daniels,

and then I have a 10:00

and a 10:
30.

Laura, today

is your husband's funeral.

Not till 3:
00.

(Screeches)

# Darlin', do be alarmed #

# the other foot's

about to fall #

# and the wicked ways

of your love #

# are catching up to you, doll #

# Now whoever's been sleepin' #

# in your bed is gone #

# Your eyes on the bottle #

# your clothes on the lawn #

# You stand alone, sweetheart #

She actually came to work today.

I couldn't believe my eyes.

Well, you know, they say work

can be therapeutic.

Not in my office, it ain't.

That doctor was only

in there for five minutes.

He didn't take a family history,

he only did one stupid test.

He might as well have

just killed Bob himself.

Just strangled him

with piano wire.

More cake?

These things are so sad

and awful.

Yeah. Actually, this is

my second one this year.

My father died

back in January.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, yeah, thanks,

but it was for the best.

Oh, had he been ill?

No.

Wait, I'm trying

to explain something.

I was the only reporter

Reggie Jackson would talk to

the entire season, and not

because I went easy on him,

because I understood the

complexities of his situation.

You gotta use your brain.

It was a whole different universe back then.

You gotta understand.

When I lost my husband, God rest his

soul, I thought my life was over.

But you know what?

Here I am. Here I am.

Uh-huh.

I play tennis twice a week,

singles,

and I'm on the board

of three major charities.

Does that sound like

my life is over?

No.

No, it doesn't,

does it?

No.

Man on TV:
When the Mets

desperately needed it,

on a day when Mike Piazza

has left base runners...

they pitch...

How ya doin', champ?

##

What's going on?

I feel like I'm in trouble

or something.

Don't joke, Laura.

I wasn't.

Look, Laurie,

it's nothing bad,

we just want to help you

sort out some things right now.

Okay.

I mean, you're devastated,

we all are,

but there are things

that need to be taken care of...

Important things that no one was

thinking about until two days ago.

(Sighs)

Like what?

Well, first of all,

finances.

What's the situation?

Like, what investments, how much life

insurance did Bob set up... do you know?

Um, not offhand.

But, overall, are you set up

to get enough income?

I don't...

You don't know?

You don't know if you're gonna be able to

pay your mortgage and feed your child?

Not offhand.

Kathy, just...

Keep going.

All right, look,

Paul and I know a good lawyer.

Now, he is willing to sit down

and go over things with you

and help you figure out

where you're at.

You already talked to him?

About me?

Yes, Laura, I talked to him

about you, because obviously

you're not thinking about

these things right now.

Did you consider

asking me first? It is my life.

She is only trying to help you.

Now, frankly, I think you

should show her a little bit...

(Warren urinating)

For Christ's sake, Warren,

close the door!

I'm trying to stay

in the conversation, all right?

(Warren passes gas)

(Sighs)

(Starts urinating again)

Go and talk

to the attorney, Laura.

There is something else, too.

Dennis.

Your father and I feel

very strongly that,

when the school year begins,

you must switch him from public

school to Newbury Friends School.

Now, we are prepared

to pay his entire tuition.

Mom, I told you this

six months ago,

he doesn't want to go, okay?

We only applied

because you made us.

He needs the structure.

He needs the attention

they can provide.

Mother, it doesn't

make any sense

for us to commute from Port

to Huntington.

It's a half-hour drive, he doesn't

know any of the other kids there.

You listen to me,

young lady!

Without his father around,

that boy is in trouble...

Deep trouble.

And he needs more help

than he can get from a mother

who is nothing more than a spoiled,

self-indulgent teenager.

You do this, you know.

You bring this on yourself.

(Chuckles)

Okay, then.

##

- Hey.

- Hey.

Wow.

He's getting really,

really good.

I know, isn't he?

When he was a kid, he was just

this sweet, dumb f***-up,

but he always had soul.

It was just a matter

of how it was gonna come out.

- Well, there it is.

- Yeah.

Maybe taking him with me

to the radio station

all these years,

maybe that helped.

I don't know.

You're a good dad, Paul.

(Siren wailing)

Man on radio:
And it's back

to school day, kiddies...

pencils, books, dirty looks,

the whole nine yards.

I had to drag my kids

into the car this morning.

Of course,

it was 4:
00am.

Gee, they hate it

when DJ Dad has to carpool.

For those feeling

their pain,

here's Long Island's own

Eddie Money.

# Baby, hold on to me #

You really have your kids now,

or was that just bullshit?

Huh? Your kids.

They living with you again?

(Chuckles) No, the ex wants

to take 'em back to Pakistan.

You believe that sh*t?

F***in' c*nt.

I bet if you went

to Pakistan, she'd stay here.

(All laugh)

It's not funny, asswipes!

What the f***

are you laughing at, f***er?

# Think about it, baby #

# I'm gonna take you

to the top #

- It's supposed to be...

- (Both) A great school, great school.

Yeah, I know.

Well, it is.

And it's a chance

to make...

New friends.

Check.

I'm sure I'll make thousands.

# Would you hold on to me? #

Can I come in with you?

Just today,

because it's the first day.

No.

Why not?

It's gay.

I have time.

It's up to you.

People, make sure to leave

plenty of time for the rain,

'cause as my ol' grandma used

to say, it's a mofo out there!

(Honks)

(Bell rings)

(Sighs)

No, no, it has to happen

this month, Alan.

Because it has to,

that's why.

Yeah, okay, fine, then just tell

him it's not gonna happen at all.

'Cause this isn't a game, Alan.

This is not a game! Come on!

I'm sorry. I had to take that.

It's fine.

Lot of dishonest,

scummy people out there.

Not a problem.

Okay. So, I went over all

the material that you sent me,

plus what I got

from your accountant.

Here, let me give you that.

Okay.

What is it?

Oh, it's just a summarized version

of your financial information,

your equity, your debts, your

protected income, blah, blah, blah.

It's all summed up

on the last page there.

Do you mind if I set this down?

No, go ahead.

I don't wanna put it

on the horse books.

Oh, here, I'll take it.

- Really?

- Sure.

- Careful, it's dripping a little.

- So it is.

I don't even know why I drink those, because

they just make me have to pee so bad.

Do you now? Because...

Uh, no, no, no.

Actually, yes, but I can wait.

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