A New Leaf Page #5

yet perfectly modulated,

podium-trained voice?

You must think me very superficial.

Oh, no. I don't.

Henrietta, er ... er ...

would you care for some more wine?

Oh yes, I would love some.

Henrietta ... Henrietta ...

I have something to ask you.

I ... I ... erm ...

What time is it?

It's ... erm ... it's, oh, it's 10 o'clock

and then we have to leave pretty soon ...

'cause I have to get up tomorrow

very early for a class.

- Ooh!

- Pardon? Something wrong?

- Henry? Henry?

- Oh. No, no.

Henrietta ...

Henrietta, we have a great deal

in common, you and I.

We are both of the same division:

vertebrata ...

the same class:
mammalia ...

the same order:
primate ...

the same family:
hominide

the same genus:
homo ...

the same species: sapiens ...

and the same variety of a class.

- I don't think there's a class of variety ...

- Keep quiet, Henr-!

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. I ...

Where ... where was I? I ... Oh, yes ...

In fact the only difference between us

is that I am a man and you are a woman.

And we don't have to let that interfere

if we are reasonably careful.

Y-yes.

Henrietta, what I'm trying to say is ...

Will you marry me?

I beg your pardon?

Oh, Henrietta, if you care for me at all.

Even if you don't care for me at all ...

but feel that you could ... learn to care

for me at all ...

in a reasonable amount of time,

please say yes.

There is often a tidy

profit in speculation.

I care for you, Henry.

I do care for you.

Oh! Henrietta.

Ahhhhh! Dammit to hell!

- Did you hurt yourself?

- No, no.

Kneeling on broken glass

is my favorite pastime.

It keeps me from slouching.

Do you think you should get up, Henry?

No. Never. Not until I finish.

I would kneel on anything

for you, Henrietta.

Henrietta, if you turn me down,

it would be the end of me.

I would literally ... have nothing.

- There would be such a ...

- I won't ... I wouldn't.

I'm not going to turn you down, Henry.

- You're not?

- No.

I love you, Henry.

That was my dream, Henry.

From the moment that you spilled your tea

on Gloria Cunliffe's Aubusson.

That someday you would ask me

to marry you.

That was most of my dream.

Henrietta, darling, would this

Saturday be too soon?

- This Saturday?

- Yes.

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday ...

Oh, heavens, mercy!

Answer yes or no!

- Henrietta, I'm intensely uncomfortable.

- Yes, yes, yes!

Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you.

Here. You're a good girl.

You're a good ... a good girl.

- Oh, heavens, I mean, mercy ... gracious heavens.

- Stay with heavens.

Ouch! Stop that, Harold!

I'm sorry, sir.

That hurts.

I'm saved, Harold.

Less hurried but saved.

I'm enormously pleased, sir.

Oh, I wish you could've been there, Harold.

I wish you could have been there.

I was brilliant. Brilliant! You would have

been astonished of my technique.

Sir, I don't doubt you, sir.

Harold, send an announcement

out to the newspapers ...

and put Ms Lowell's attorney

on the guest list.

It seems he's a close

personal friend of hers.

Has the wine come up off the rug yet?

No sir. I'm soaking it now

in various solvents ...

but they only seem to dissolve the nap.

I oughta sue her.

Do you know how many llamas

must have died to make that rug?

Have my travel agent book a cottage

somewhere for a few days.

I'll have to pick up the $50,000

during the honeymoon.

Oh, sir. Isn't that just a trifle unseemly?

Unseemly? Unseemly!?

Harold, after her behavior tonight,

anything I do will be seemly.

Never have I seen one woman ...

in whom every social grace was so lacking.

Did I say she was primitive?

I retract that. She's feral.

I've never spent a more physically

destructive evening in my life.

I am nauseated. I limp.

And I can feel my teeth rotting

away from an excess of sugar ...

that no amount of toothpaste can dislodge.

I will taste those damn

Malaga coolers forever.

That woman is a menace

not only to health ...

but to Western civilization as we know it.

She doesn't deserve to live.

Forget I said that.

Yes.

He did it.

He did it. Oh, get off my lap,

you little ingrate! Get off!

He did it. He really, really did it.

Yes, yes. I know who

Henrietta Lowell's attorney is.

In fact, he has an office

somewhere in this building.

Well, let's put it this way, Harry.

He doesn't seem to have a very

active practice.

Henrietta Lowell seems to be

his only client.

Well, what I mean is ...

he may not be exactly overjoyed ...

at the idea of sharing her

affections with Henry.

- No! No, no, no! No ...

- Andrew.

No, I won't accept it.

As your lawyer, I forbid it.

But Andrew, I'm in love.

Nonsense. After three days?

Who is he? One of your students?

That little wino who went with you on one

of your field trips to the Canary Islands?

Malcolm Finger is not a wino, Andrew.

But it is him?

- No, it is not.

- Well then, who is it?

A foreigner?

Some little wop with a fancy title?

What's the little

fortune hunter's name?

Really, Andrew.

I don't see why you take it for granted ...

that the only reason that somebody

would marry me is for my money.

There may be some other basis, you know?

Oh my God. Oh my God. Of course, Henrietta.

Don't you think that I know?

Haven't I proposed to you these past ten

years on whatever other basis there is?

Look, it's ... it's just that ... with

your discreet beauty ...

and womanly presence ...

I find it deeply suspicious for anyone ...

who claims to ...

penetrate the many mysteries ...

of your personality in just three days.

You're saying that I'm plain and shy ...

but that after a while you get used to it.

I'm saying that you're not flagrant.

I'm saying that you're subtle.

Like some very expensive ...

custom-made ... hat.

I don't know what I'm saying.

Can't you see that I'm distraught?

Andrew. Andrew, listen to me.

You will find ... You will find someone else.

Andrew, you will find some wonderful

woman who deserves you.

Are you alright, Andrew?

Andrew, oh, please. What's wrong?

Nothing, Henrietta. Nothing.

- Henrietta, darling ...

- No, no! Andrew! No more ...

Andrew, I'm going now. I'm leaving,

in order to meet Henry ...

who, it just so happens, is an

American citizen of English extraction ...

with a very large fortune of his own.

- Oh, really?

- Yes.

- What's Henry's last name?

- Graham.

Oh, Andrew, please.

Please come to the wedding.

I'll be so disappointed if you

don't give me away. Please?

- Please?

- Alright, alright.

Henry Graham.

You won't get away with it, Henry Graham.

Won't will not get away with it!

Let me see. Now, I have to do something.

Who do I know who's pregnant

and a good sport?

- Yes, Mariamne?

- A Mr Harry Graham is on 21, sir.

He says it's extremely urgent

and confidential.

- Harry Graham?

- Yes, sir.

Very well, put him on.

Little ninny, doesn't even

know his right name.

Mr Graham.

You wonder why I called you here today.

One day before the ceremony that

will unite you as man and wife.

Let me explain.

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