A New Leaf Page #9

Synopsis: Henry Graham is a man with a problem: he has run through his entire inheritance, and is completely unequipped to provide for himself. His childhood guardian, Uncle Harry (a deliciously mean-spirited James Coco), refuses to give him a dime, and Henry, completely unwilling to exercise the only solution he sees--suicide-- devises a plan with the help of his imaginative butler: he can make money the old-fashioned way--he can marry it. With a temporary loan from Uncle Harry to tide him over, Henry has six weeks to find a bride, marry her, and repay the money, or else he must forfeit all his property to his uncle. With only days remaining, Henry meets clumsy, painfully shy heiress Henrietta Lowell (played by director Elaine May). She's the answer to his prayers--if only Henry can overcome the obstacles placed in his path by Uncle Harry, Henrietta's lawyer, and Henry's own reluctance to wed.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Elaine May
Production: Howard W. Koch Productions
  Nominated for 2 Golden Globes. Another 1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
7.4
Rotten Tomatoes:
100%
G
Year:
1971
102 min
1,427 Views


a canoe trip on the Adirondacks.

It's ... it's very lovely there.

It's all sort of tangled and isolated.

And, erm ... I usually go

with one of my students.

But, erm ... I just ...

it just occurred to me ...

that this year ... you and I

might perhaps go together.

- Together?

- To the Adirondacks.

The Adirondacks.

Would we need a guide or anyone?

Not if we didn't wander from our camp.

And I would feel perfectly safe

with you there, Henry.

I would feel safer

even than with a guide.

Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?

Sounds like the answer to everything.

- Harold, can't I use a suitcase?

- I wouldn't if I were you, sir.

I think carrying a suitcase through the

woods would prove something of a hazard.

- Well, don't forget to pack my Swiss army.

- Yes.

Mrs Graham seems to be a most

good-natured lady. sir.

I'm pleased that the marriage

is working out so well.

She's not good-natured.

She is regressed.

I have never seen such

a helpless human being.

Do you remember some

weeks ago, sir, when ...

when you told me that

you'd lost all your money?

and you had no skills and no ambitions

Harold, don't forget to pack the compasses

and the maps. We will need those.

Yes, sir. But it seems you do have

skills and ambitions.

I mean, look how you've

taken over the house.

You've learned to handle accounts

and grapple with taxes ...

and you've tidied up Mrs Graham.

Oh, no. I forgot to check her before

she went to school this morning.

She'll be walking around all day with

price tags dangling from her sleeves.

I took the liberty, sir.

Oh, thank you Harold.

Was she free of crumbs?

Only a slight sprinkling, sir.

I brushed her up.

Well, sir, my point is, sir ...

that you have shown

the most surprising talent, sir ...

and although Mrs Graham's helplessness

is a little bit irritating at times ...

couldn't it be in some strange way, sir ...

that this very helplessness ...

has been the stimulus of your own

amazing new competence?

I mean, very often, sir ...

you know, what we... what we

dislike most in other people ...

is only a reflection about our

own inadequacies, sir ...

- and our own shortcomings.

- Harold.

Why don't you pack the revolver?

Please put the flask down, Harold.

Put the flask down. Pack ... never mind.

Just put the flask down. Put the revolver down.

I'll do it. You may go now, Harold.

Thank you very much.

Yes, sir.

Henry! Henry! Henry! Henry!

Henry! Henry!

Easy, Henrietta. I'll be right down.

- Henry?

- I'm here.

Relax. Just easy.

Catch your breath. That's it.

Relax. Calm down.

Here we are. Sit down.

That's it. That's it, now.

Catch your breath. What is it?

It's been accepted.

My Alsophila ignocardium grahami.

They've accepted it.

Try to speak calm, my dear.

What is it they have accepted?

It's a tropical tree-fern.

And I discovered it during our honeymoon.

And when I couldn't classify it,

I thought it might be a true species.

But I couldn't believe it,

so I sent it to Wagner ...

at the University of Michigan.

And Henry, it is. It's a true species.

I've discovered a true species.

Well. That's very nice. Very nice.

Well, well. Now you'll be able to name

a whole species, won't you?

Just like ... what's his name?

- Louis de Bougainville.

- That's right. Or James Parkinson.

Or ... Brussels sprouts.

Well, well, well. You've achieved the kind

of immortality after all, haven't you?

Now you'll be in all the

atlases under L ...

right before Morgan,

Muller and Mendel.

It would be cross-indexed under G.

Alsophila grahami, for Graham.

For Graham?

You mean that you've discovered a new

species and have named it for Graham ...

after doing all your work as Lowell?

You fool.

That's not the way to name a species.

Can't you do anything right?

I didn't name it for me, Henry,

I named it for you.

Alsophila grahami, for Henry Graham.

Alsophila grahami, for Henry Graham.

Well, are you sure that they'll know ...

I mean, that it's me?

Will they have my name in the atlas

under ... under G?

For Henry Graham?

Yes, and they'll have you in all the

textbooks, Henry, as a footnote ...

As a footnote ...

and in the atlases under G.

Well, I've achieved a small slice of

immortality myself, haven't I?

As a footnote and under G.

Are you pleased, Henry?

Oh yes, it was very thoughtful of you,

Henrietta. I believe I am pleased.

I put a tip of one fern

into a plastic token ...

so that you can wear it always.

If you want to.

Oh yes. Well, why not? I mean ...

it will be a wonderful conversation piece.

"What frond is in your token, Henry?"

"Oh, my own frond. An Alsophila grahami.

Why do you ask?"

You like it?

Yes, yes. very attractive, isn't it?

Good lines. I mean, for a frond.

Don't you ... don't you think it should

be under ... under L? I mean ...

Alsophila lowellia or something?

I feel as though you've given me

your place in the atlases.

Henry, I don't think I could have

ever discovered it without you.

You gave me confidence.

You remember? You said that if being

with you was going to give me confidence ...

I was going to be a

very confident botanist.

Well, you were right.

Alsophila grahami.

Well, well, well ...

Henrietta, what happens if you

get lost in these woods?

- Well, various things.

- Various things such as what?

For example, if there is a stream ...

then you would follow the stream.

- Which way?

- We would follow the stream upstream.

Henry, I'm having such a wonderful time.

Our entire marriage has been

like a long, beautiful field trip.

That's nice.

That makes me feel better somehow.

Would you like some more Z11?

No thank you.

It's the Z11 that's attracting them.

It's a repellent.

So they would lead you to believe.

Would you like some more

Calamine lotion, dear?

No, thank you.

It only makes it itch more.

They say that if you don't scratch,

it itches less.

Well, they're wrong.

It only looks like it itches less

because you're not scratching.

One just got me on the bridge of the nose.

Should we put something on it?

No, thank you.

From now on, Henrietta,

I'll make the coffee.

Yes, dear.

You're all sticky, Henrietta.

I spilled the honey.

Here, Henrietta.

From now on, dear,

I'll make the dinner.

What will I do?

You'll eat.

It seems easier to paddle somehow.

That's because the current gets

stronger as we approach the rapids.

Look, dear, aren't they beautiful?

What?

The rapids.

Those are the rapids?

Yes. Just tell me exactly what

to do, dear. I'm a very good sailor.

Paddle like hell towards shore!

Aaaah!

- What?

- Never mind!

- Never mind?

- Never mind!

Do I have to paddle in any particular

direction, dear?

Full harder to the left side!

The left side! Full harder!

Although we keep fulling on the left side,

we seem to be heading towards the bank.

Aaaahhh! The right side!

The right side!

Henry, how much longer do

the rapids go on?

That's odd.

It just seems to stop.

Oh, Henry! Listen!

Rate this script:3.7 / 3 votes

Elaine May

Elaine Iva May (née Berlin; born April 21, 1932) is an American screenwriter, film director, actress, and comedienne. She made her initial impact in the 1950s from her improvisational comedy routines with Mike Nichols, performing as Nichols and May. After her duo with Nichols ended, May subsequently developed a career as a director and screenwriter. Her screenwriting has been twice nominated for the Academy Award, for Heaven Can Wait (1978) and the Nichols-directed Primary Colors (1998). May is celebrated for the string of films she directed in the 1970s: her 1971 black comedy A New Leaf, in which she also starred; her 1972 dark romantic comedy The Heartbreak Kid; and her 1976 gritty drama Mikey and Nicky, starring John Cassavetes and Peter Falk. In 1996, she reunited with Nichols to write the screenplay for The Birdcage, directed by Nichols. After studying acting with theater coach Maria Ouspenskaya in Los Angeles, she moved to Chicago in 1955 and became a founding member of the Compass Players, an improvisational theater group. May began working alongside Nichols, who was also in the group, and together they began writing and performing their own comedy sketches, which were enormously popular. In 1957 they both quit the group to form their own stage act, Nichols and May, in New York. Jack Rollins, who produced most of Woody Allen's films, said their act was "so startling, so new, as fresh as could be. I was stunned by how really good they were."They performed nightly to mostly sold-out shows, in addition to making TV appearances and radio broadcasts. In their comedy act, they created satirical clichés and character types which made fun of the new intellectual, cultural, and social order that was just emerging at the time. In doing so, she was instrumental in removing the stereotype of women being unable to succeed at live comedy. Together, they became an inspiration to many younger comedians, including Lily Tomlin and Steve Martin. After four years, at the height of their fame, they decided to discontinue their act. May became a screenwriter and playwright, along with acting and directing. Their relatively brief time together as comedy stars led New York talk show host Dick Cavett to call their act "one of the comic meteors in the sky." Gerald Nachman noted that "Nichols and May are perhaps the most ardently missed of all the satirical comedians of their era." more…

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    "A New Leaf" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2025. Web. 20 Jan. 2025. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_new_leaf_1982>.

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