A Night at the Opera Page #2

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A wise guy, somebody who's very smart.

- I knowjust the man for you.

- You do? Who is it?

Me!

- But you wouldn't make any money at it.

- I'll break even.

Just as long as I no lose nothing.

- Is the opera over yet?

- Not yet, signore, in a few minutes.

I told you to slow that nag down.

On account of you,

I nearly heard the opera.

Once around the park, and drive slowly.

And none of your back talk.

You're still crazy about her?

And she's crazy about you, too?

Even if she was,

I couldn't ask her to marry me.

Don't worry.

The manager, he'll fix everything.

Anyhow, we're together again...

- you and me, just like old times.

- Yeah, like old times.

Yeah, you bet my life.

If you pardon my saying so,

Mrs. Claypool...

Mr. Driftwood seems hardly the person

to handle your business affairs.

- I'm beginning to think the same thing.

- Bravo!

I made it.

How soon does the curtain go up?

The curtain, Mr. Driftwood,

will go up again next season.

- You've missed the entire opera.

- I only missed it by a few minutes.

I can go then?

Was I right? Isn't Lassparri

the greatest tenor that ever lived?

He's superb.

But what would you have to pay him?

What's the difference?

He must sail with us tomorrow

no matter what we pay.

- He would be worth $1,000 a night.

- How much?

- What does he do?

- What does he do, he sings.

You're willing to pay him

$1,000 a night just for singing?

You can get a phonograph record

of Minnie the Moocher for 75 cents.

For $1.25, you can get Minnie.

If you'll excuse me, Mrs. Claypool...

I think I had better arrange

to see Lassparri immediately.

- You are agreed, $1,000 a night?

- Just as you think.

$1,000. There must be some way

I can get a piece of this.

Wait. Why don't I sign Lassparri?

I represent Mrs. Claypool.

But I represent

the New York Opera Company.

Boy? Will you give my card

to Signor Lassparri, please?

What is it? What do you want?

- Rosa.

- Yes, signore?

My good friend Herman Gottlieb

is coming back to see me.

How would you like

to have supper with us?

I'm terribly sorry, Signor Lassparri,

I already have an engagement.

I see.

That's too bad, because I have an idea...

he's going to invite me

to sing in New York.

And he may permit me

to select my leading lady.

Are you sure

you can't break your appointment?

I'm terribly sorry, signore.

What do you mean by humiliating me

in front of those people?

You're fired, do you understand?

You big bully,

why are you hitting that little bully?

Will you kindly let me

handle my own affairs?

Get out. What do you got to say to me?

Can you sleep on your stomach

with such big buttons on your pajamas?

Why, you...

Nice work, I think you got him.

Smelling salts. That will bring him to.

You're sorry for what you did?

That shows a nice spirit.

Now he's coming along. He'll be fine now.

- Get fresh with me, huh?

- How do you do?

- Hello.

- What's the matter, mister?

We had an argument.

He pulled a knife on me, so I shot him.

- Do you mind if I...

- Go right ahead. Plenty of room.

- Two beers, bartender.

- I'll take two beers, too.

Things seem to be getting better

around the country.

I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself.

I came back here looking for somebody.

You don't know who it is, do you?

It's a funny thing, it just slipped my mind.

I know. The greatest tenor in the world.

That's what I'm after.

- Why, I'm his manager.

- Whose manager?

The greatest tenor in the world.

- The fellow that sings at the opera here?

- Sure.

What's his name?

What do you care? I can't pronounce it.

What do you want with him?

I want to sign him up

for the New York Opera Company.

Do you know that America is waiting

to hear him sing?

He can sing loud

but he can't sing that loud.

I think I can get America

to meet him halfway.

Could he sail tomorrow?

You pay him enough money,

he could sail yesterday.

How much you pay him?

I don't know. Let's see, $1,000 a night.

I'm entitled to a small profit.

- How about $10 a night?

- $10?

I'll take it.

All right, but remember,

I get 10/% for negotiating the deal.

Yes, and I get 10/% for being the manager.

How much does that leave?

Well, that leaves him $8.

- He sends $5 home to his mother.

- That leaves $3.

Can he live in New York on $3?

Like a prince.

Of course, he won't be able to eat,

but he can live like a prince.

However, out of that $3,

he'll have to pay an income tax.

Yes, there's a federal tax, a state tax,

and a city tax...

a street tax, and a sewer tax.

How much does this come to?

I figure if he doesn't sing too often,

he can break even.

- All right, we take it.

- All right, fine.

Here are the contracts.

You just put his name at the top,

and you sign at the bottom.

No need of you reading that

because these are duplicates.

Yeah. Is a duplicate.

- Duplicates?

- I say, they're duplicates.

- Don't you know what duplicates are?

- Sure, those five kids up in Canada.

I wouldn't know about that.

I haven't been in Canada in years.

Go ahead and read it.

- What does it say?

- Go on and read it.

- You read it.

- All right, I'll read it to you.

- Can you hear?

- I haven't heard anything yet.

- You say anything?

- I haven't said anything worth hearing.

That's why I didn't hear anything.

That's why I didn't say anything.

- Can you read?

- I can read, but I can't see it.

Don't seem to have it in focus here.

If my arms were a little longer,

I could read it.

You haven't got a baboon

in your pocket, have you?

Here we are. Now I've got it.

Pay particular attention to this first clause

because it's most important.

It says, "The party of the first part

shall be known in this contract...

"as the party of the first part."

How do you like that?

That's pretty neat, eh?

No, it's no good.

- What's the matter with it?

- I don't know. Let's hear it again.

"The party of the first part

shall be known in this contract...

"as the party of the first part."

Sounds a little better this time.

It grows on you.

Would you like to hear it once more?

Just the first part.

What? "The party of the first part"?

No. The first part

of "the party of the first part."

It says, "The first part

of the party of the first part...

"shall be known in this contract

as the first part of the party...

"Shall be known in this contract..."

Why should we quarrel about this?

We'll take it out.

Yeah. It's too long anyhow.

Now what do we got left?

I got about a foot and a half.

It says, "The party of the second part

shall be known in this contract...

"as the party of the second part."

I don't know about that.

- Now what's the matter?

- I don't like the second party either.

You should have come to the first party.

We didn't get home till around 4:00 a.m.

I was blind for three days.

Why can't the first part

of the second party...

be the second part of the first party?

Then you got something.

Look, rather than go through that again,

what do you say...

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