A Night at the Opera Page #3

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Fine.

I've got something you're bound to like.

You'll be crazy about it.

No. I don't like it.

- You don't like what?

- Whatever it is, I don't like it.

Don't let's break up an old friendship

over a thing like that. Ready?

Okay.

The next part,

I don't think you're going to like.

Your word's good enough for me.

Is my word good enough for you?

- I should say not.

- That takes out two more clauses.

- "The party of the eighth part..."

- No, that's no good.

- "The party of the ninth..."

- No, that's no good, too.

How is it my contract

is skinnier than yours?

I don't know, you must have been out

on a tear last night.

- We're all set now, aren't we?

- Sure.

Just you put your name down there,

and then the deal is legal.

I forgot to tell you, I can't write.

That's all right, there's no ink in the pen.

- But it's a contract, isn't it?

- Sure.

We've got a contract,

no matter how small it is.

Wait. What does this say here?

That? That's the usual clause.

That's in every contract.

That just says, "If any of the parties...

"participating in this contract...

"are shown not to be in their right mind...

"the entire agreement

is automatically nullified."

I don't know.

It's all right. That's in every contract.

That's what they call a sanity clause.

You can't fool me.

There ain't no Sanity Claus.

You win the white carnation.

- I'll give this to Riccardo.

...sensation in New York.

Could you tell me

where Signor Lassparri is?

Sure. There's Lassparri.

Lassparri? Then whom did I sign?

You signed Riccardo Baroni.

That's my man.

Signor Lassparri, what happened?

Speak to me. It's me, it's Gottlieb.

What is this now?

How early the fruit is falling this season.

- Are you sure you have everything, Otis?

- I've never had any complaints yet.

Here you are,

on your way to America and fame.

Riccardo, I'm going to miss you.

How do you think I feel about it?

Miss Castaldi, ready for the big trip?

Mr. Gottlieb. This is Riccardo Baroni

of the Opera Company.

- How do you do?

- Did you say Baroni?

Is it as funny as all that?

Mr. Otis B. Driftwood seems to think

you have quite a voice.

He has, Mr. Gottlieb, really he has,

a wonderful voice.

- Yes, really I have.

- That's interesting.

- Come on, Riccardo.

- No, thanks.

Come on, Ricky!

- Signor Lassparri.

- Yes?

- Will you give us a farewell song?

- Please!

Come on!

My dear friends,

I am so sorry, I must be excused...

but I have a slight touch of laryngitis.

- Where's Rosa?

- Yes, Rosa!

Why should I sing for them

when I'm not being paid for it?

- Please sing.

- No.

Yes, of course I'll sing.

Mr. Gottlieb.

Hasn't he a wonderful voice?

There must be a place for him

in New York.

Not a bad voice.

Someday, perhaps,

when he has made a reputation.

All visitors ashore!

Rosa!

We've come to say goodbye.

All right. Goodbye. Arrivederci.

Come on!

- All right, take it away.

- Yes, sir.

Have I got time to go back

and pay my hotel bill?

- Sorry. Too late.

- That suits me fine.

That's mine. A trunk thief?

- Where you going with that?

- Suite number 58, sir.

Fifty-eight? That's me. Let's go.

What's the idea? Hit-and-run driver?

I'm sorry, sir.

Sorry, my eye. Look at that fender.

It's all bumped out of shape.

You'll pay for this, my good man.

Let me see your number.

Thirty-two? You got any insurance?

- What?

- Are you insured?

- No, sir.

- You're just the fellow I want to see.

I have an accident policy that protects you

no matter what happens.

If you lose a leg, we'll look for it.

All this will cost you is...

What have you got there?

$1. Here you are.

Let's go.

Suite 58,

and don't go over 20 miles an hour.

Say, was that three fellows

or one fellow with three beards?

Hi, Gottlieb,

always beating around the bush.

Wait a minute.

Anything I can do?

- Just a little homesick.

- That's funny.

I happen to have the greatest prescription

for homesickness you ever saw.

A fellow gave it to me

just before the boat sailed.

Here's the prescription,

and take it every two hours.

I'm going out

and getting another prescription.

- Hello, toots.

- Hello.

- Say, pretty classy layout you got here.

- Do you like it?

Twin beds. You little rascal, you.

- One of those is a day bed.

- A likely story.

Have you read any good books lately?

Mr. Driftwood,

will you please get off the bed?

- What would people say?

- They'd say you're a very lucky woman.

Will you please shut up

so I can continue reading?

No, I will not shut up.

And will you kindly get up at once?

All right, I'll go.

I'll make you another proposition.

Let's go in my room

and discuss the situation.

- What situation?

- What situations have you got?

- I most certainly will not go to your room.

- Okay. Then I'll stay here.

All right.

I'll come, but get out.

Shall we say 10 minutes?

Yes, 10 minutes. Anything, but go.

Because if you're not there in 10 minutes,

I'll be back here in 11.

With squeaky shoes on.

- Wait a minute. This can't be my room.

- Yes, sir.

Suite number 58, sir.

Fifty-eight? That's an awful big number

for a birdcage this size.

Wouldn't it be simpler

if you just put the stateroom in the trunk?

Say, who is responsible for installing me

in this telephone booth?

Mr. Gottlieb picked it out for you, sir.

Gottlieb? That's awfully decent of him.

Awfully decent.

Did he pick out the whole room

orjust the porthole?

- I'm sure you'll find it cozy, sir.

- Cozy is hardly the word.

Anything else, sir?

Yes. Tomorrow you can take the trunk out

and I'll go in.

Yes, sir.

- Hello, boss. What are you doing here?

- Hello.

This makes it a perfect voyage.

- I'm sorry. I thought this was my trunk.

- It is your trunk.

I don't remember packing you boys.

Remember Riccardo Baroni,

the greatest tenor in the world?

You nearly signed him up once.

Sure. I just delivered a letter for you.

How are you?

- Good. Just a little cramped.

- We're still in the harbor.

As soon as we get out in the ocean,

there'll be plenty of room.

- Isn't that my shirt?

- I don't know. I found it in the trunk.

Then it couldn't be mine.

It's nice seeing you again.

But I was expecting my other suit.

Did you see it?

Yeah. Took up too much room,

so we sold it.

- Did you get anything for it?

- $1.40.

That's my suit, all right. Say, it's lucky

I left another shirt in this drawer.

That can't be my shirt.

My shirt doesn't snore.

Don't wake him up. He's got insomnia.

He's sleeping it off.

That's as grisly a looking object

as I've ever seen.

Get him up out of there.

He certainly is sleeping.

I wish you fellows

would explain this thing to me.

It's very simple.

You see, Riccardo, he's in love with Rosa.

Rosa, she go to New York.

We want to go to New York, too.

But we got no money,

so we hide in the trunk.

Without money,

what'll you do in New York?

I can sing. There must be

some place for me to work.

Besides, I can be near Rosa.

That's the main thing.

You won't give us away, will you?

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