A Night at the Opera Page #4

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No, but you fellows

have got to get out of here.

I've got a date with a lady

in a few minutes...

and you know the old saying:

"Two's company, five's a crowd."

We go, but we want something to eat.

We no eat all day. We're hungry.

We'll discuss the food situation later.

We get food, or we don't go.

I know I never should have

met you fellows.

Okay. But promise to scram out

after you've eaten.

- All right.

- I'll get the steward.

You fellows be quiet.

Remember, you're stowaways.

- We no say nothing.

- All right.

Now, just put that bag of Jell-O over here.

Wouldn't it be simpler

if you had him stuffed?

- He's no olive.

- I'll go and get the steward.

Is it the door of the room,

or am I in the trunk?

Over here.

Be quiet, now. Don't make any noise.

- We no say nothing.

- I'll get the steward.

Steward!

- Stew!

- Yes, sir.

- I say, stew...

- Yes, sir.

- What's for dinner?

- Anything you like.

Tomatojuice, orange juice,

grape juice, pineapple juice...

Turn off the juice before I get electrocuted.

All right, let me have one of each.

And two fried eggs, two poached eggs...

two scrambled eggs,

and two medium-boiled eggs.

And two hard-boiled eggs.

And two hard-boiled eggs.

Make that three hard-boiled eggs.

And some roast beef:

Rare, medium, well-done, and overdone.

And two hard-boiled eggs.

Make that three hard-boiled eggs.

And eight pieces of French pastry.

- With two hard-boiled eggs.

- And two hard-boiled eggs.

Make that three hard-boiled eggs.

And one duck egg.

- Have you got any stewed prunes?

- Yes, sir.

Give them some black coffee.

That'll sober them up.

And two hard-boiled eggs.

It's either foggy out,

or make that 12 more hard-boiled eggs.

Rush that along. The faster it comes,

the faster this convention will be over.

Yes, sir.

- Do they allow tipping on the boat?

- Yes, sir!

- Have you got two fives?

- Yes, sir.

Then you won't need the 10 cents

I was gonna give you.

That's fine. If that steward

is deaf and dumb...

- he'll never know you're in here.

- That's all right.

- Yes?

- We've come to make up your room.

- Are those my hard-boiled eggs?

- I can't tell until they get in the room.

Come in, girls. Leave all hope behind.

Work fast because

you gotta get out in 10 minutes.

Tomasso. Wake up.

They're going to fix the bed.

I'd like two pillows on that bed there.

There's a slight misunderstanding here.

I said the girls had to work fast,

not your friend.

He's still asleep.

You know, he does better asleep

than I do awake.

Yeah, he always sleeps that way.

- Now he's half-asleep.

- Yes, he's half-asleep in a half Nelson.

- All right, come on.

- Yes?

I'm the engineer.

I'm here to turn off the heat.

You can start right in on him.

Wake up, Tomasso.

Tomasso, we're going to eat soon.

You know, if it wasn't for Gottlieb,

I wouldn't have got this room.

Just hold him there a second.

- Yes?

- Did you want a manicure?

No. Come on in.

I hadn't planned on a manicure,

but on ajourney like this...

you ought to have

every convenience you can get.

Listen, I'm getting the manicure.

Get out of here, will you?

Did you want your nails long or short?

You better make them short.

It's getting kind of crowded in here.

I don't know. This isn't the way

I pictured an ocean voyage.

I always visualized myself in a steamer

chair with a steward bringing me bouillon.

Come on, Riccardo.

You couldn't get bouillon in unless

they brought it in through a keyhole.

I'm the engineer's assistant.

I had a premonition

you were going to show up.

The engineer's over there in the corner.

You can chop your way right through.

Is it my imagination,

or is it getting crowded in here?

I got plenty of room.

- Yes?

- Is my Aunt Minnie in here?

You can come in and prowl around

if you want to.

If she isn't in here, you can probably

find somebody just as good.

- Could I use your phone?

- Use the phone?

- I'll lay you even money you can't get in.

- How do you do?

This boat will be in New York

before you get to that phone.

I came to mop up.

Just the woman I'm looking for.

Come right ahead.

You have to start on the ceiling.

It's the only place that's not occupied.

- You can clean my shoes if you want to.

- Operator.

Tell Aunt Minnie to send up

a bigger room, will you?

- Steward.

- Come right ahead.

- The food!

- We've been waiting all afternoon for you.

I want my Aunt Minnie!

Ladies and gentlemen...

it's with great pleasure I welcome you all

on this, the final night of the voyage.

I cannot let the evening pass...

without paying a little tribute

to our distinguished guests of honor:

The three greatest aviators in the world.

Three greatest aviators,

but notice they're traveling by boat.

We are honored

by your presence, gentlemen.

- Thank you.

- Thank you, Captain.

- Do you rumba?

- Why, yes. Of course I do.

Take a rumba from one to ten.

Mr. Claypool went to his reward

three years ago.

- And left you all alone.

- All alone.

With $8 million.

$8 million.

Gottlieb, you're just wasting your time.

If Mrs. Claypool wants to marry

a fortune hunter, she's got me.

Fortune hunter?

In fact, you can't call me a fortune hunter.

Because when I proposed to her,

I thought she only had $7 million.

But the extra million never interfered

with my feelings for her.

If you had any real feeling for me...

you'd stop associating

with the riffraff I've seen you with.

You mean Gottlieb?

I mean those two uncouth men

I saw you around the opera house with.

I'm grateful they're not on board the boat.

- Why, have they slipped off?

- Sit down.

Come on, we find something to eat.

You think it's safe?

If they catch us, they'll deport us.

What will we lose?

If we're deported, they'll feed us.

Come on, we'll take a chance.

Does it mean nothing to you

that I'm the world's greatest singer?

- But I love to hear you sing, Rodolfo.

- No.

Let me put it this way. I love you.

I adore you. I would die for you.

- Now do you understand?

- I'm afraid I don't.

The whole thing is very simple.

When he says he's the greatest singer,

it means he loves you.

Personally, I don't believe

either statement.

There may be something in what you say.

I'll tell you something confidentially.

The only tenor I could ever stand

was a fellow by the name...

of Riccardo Baroni.

- Ever hear of him?

- Riccardo.

I wonder where he is right now.

Probably roaming

over the countryside someplace.

Riccardo always loved the open.

He never could stand being cooped up.

He still doesn't like it.

Tomasso, you feel better now?

And, you, Riccardo, how do you feel?

After a meal like that? Great.

I could sing my head off.

That's the spirit.

Stop that! Get away

from those instruments!

- What are you doing here?

- Please let him play.

Let him play.

It's all right with me. Let him play.

Those men can't be passengers

on this boat.

- They must be stowaways.

- Stowaways? We'll soon find out.

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