A Night at the Roxbury Page #19

RICHARD GRIECO:

So who are you really fighting

with?

MR. BUTABI

Oh, Richard Grieco, you see right

through me.

EXT. SUNSET - NIGHT

SUPERIMPOSE:
ONE DAY LATER

We PAN UP the front of the red BMW to reveal Doug and

Steve in their usual positions.

INT. BMW

Doug looks at his hair in the passenger sideview mirror.

Then he looks in the vanity mirror.

DOUG:

I missed this car. I look good in

it.

STEVE:

Of course you do, bro.

DOUG:

You know it...

(gets an idea)

Oh... And... you know, you look

good also.

STEVE:

(appreciating Doug's

gesture)

Thanks, bro. I'm glad you moved

back in the room.

DOUG:

Dad was kind of a sport about the

wedding once Richard Grieco talked

to him.

STEVE:

Yeah, and isn't it a kick in the

head how Emily hooked up with

Craig.

DOUG:

It's funny. The infomercial

really makes you want to buy those

Power Bars.

CUT TO:

INT. CHEAP FAKE TALK SHOW SET - DAY

Infomercial.

Craig and Emily in leotards, pitching their "Un-fat"

bars. A chunky silhouette is superimposed -- getting

thinner and thinner.

STEVE (V.O.)

That silhouette chick is hot.

CUT TO:

INT. CAR - NIGHT

DOUG:

Hey, look...

DOUG'S POV

Billboard ad of Gilbert Gottfried and Bob Saget in a TNT

special movie -- "Orville & Wilbur -- Brothers in

Flight."

DOUG (O.S.)

We got to remember to tape them.

CUT TO:

EXT. OPEN FIELD - DAY

An antique airplane is taking off. Gilbert Gottfried in

turn of the century garb, watches the plane.

GILBERT GOTTFRIED

Yes! Yes, we're in flight! Yes!

No! No, that's down. We don't

want from down. We want up! Yes!

Up is good!

CUT TO:

INT. CAR -NIGHT

STEVE:

Hey, I wonder whatever happened to

Vivica's cousins?

CUT TO:

EXT. JAPANESE BRIDGE - DAY

Akiro and Toronaga are on the bridge -- same positions

that Doug and Steve were in. A japanese version of Bruce

Springsteen's "SECRET GARDEN" is playing.

AKIRO:

Kiyamo tomaga.

SUPERIMPOSE:
"YOU COMPLETE ME"

TORONAGA:

Kayama, Tokayama! Ko ma sayagan a

suma.

SUPERIMPOSE:
"SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP.

YOU HAD ME AT HELLO"

They embrace. MUSIC SWELLS.

CUT TO:

INT. CAR - NIGHT

DOUG:

Hey, get in the other lane,

there's an accident.

CUT TO:

STREET:

Dooey is lying under a totaled limo, surrounded by cans

of Reddi-whip. However, the boys don't notice.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

STEVE:

Wow, I can't believe all that

stuff got wrapped up in one day.

DOUG:

(notices something

outside)

Hey, check it out...

STEVE AND DOUG'S POV - NEW CLUB

Outside, people sit on couches and listen to music, even

though they are waiting in line to get in.

STEVE (O.S.)

Wait a second, that was your idea.

DOUG (O.S.)

It was killer. Bound to happen.

EXT. CLUB

They park, get out.

EXT. CLUB ENTRANCE - NIGHT

Guys walk up. A huge BOUNCER steps in front of them.

BOUNCER:

Whoa! No one gets in unless they

talk to the list.

DOUG:

Right. Well we're on the list.

STEVE:

Steve and Doug Butabi.

The Bouncer checks the list.

BOUNCER:

Butabi... Great. Step right in.

DOUG:

I'm sorry?

BOUNCER:

Go right in.

STEVE:

(confused)

... Okaaay.

DOUG:

I guess we should go in then.

STEVE:

Yeah.

The guys suspiciously enter.

CUT TO:

INT. CLUB - NIGHT

The walls look like building facades, we see cars parked

inside, the main dance floor covers a lit body of

water with fish underneath. The guys look astounded.

MR. ZADIR

Boys!

Mr. Zadir approaches them.

STEVE/DOUG

Mr. Zadir!

MR. ZADIR

How do you lke our place?

DOUG:

Our place?

MR. ZADIR

Yes, I cut you in. It was your

idea.

STEVE:

Sweet.

DOUG:

Sweet ass sweet.

They high five.

MR. ZADIR

It's not all sweet asses. Running

a club is a lot of hard work.

Bouncer comes over.

BOUNCER:

Mr. Zadir, we've got a situation

at the door.

DOUG:

We'll take care of it, Mr. Zadir.

STEVE:

We're on the job.

EXT. CLUB ENTRANCE - NIGHT

Cambi and Vivica are arguing outside with another

bouncer. Doug and Steve appear.

CAMBI:

Call the manager then! We're

always on the list!

DOUG:

Excuse me, I'm the owner. Is

there a problem here?

CAMBI:

Hi, uh...

DOUG:

Doug.

STEVE:

Steve, or jerkoff as you like to

put it.

VIVICA:

Look, you're not gonna hold that

against is. Just let us in.

DOUG:

(turns to bouncer)

Good job. Don't let these or any

other predatory lowlife strumpets

in the club.

STEVE:

Good call.

DOUG:

Only 'cause it's true.

On line, we see the Switchboard Operator from the credit

center.

SWITCHBOARD OPERATOR

That voice sounds so familiar...

DOUG:

He pricks up his ears.

DOUG:

Hey, is that...?

The Switchboard operator walks up to Doug.

DOUG:

Are you...?

SWITCHBOARD OPERATOR

Doug?

They mentally put the voice with the face and are

immediately attracted.

SWITCHBOARD OPERATOR

I can't believe it.

DOUG:

You're even more beautiful than

you sound.

SWITCHBOARD OPERATOR

You stopped calling?

DOUG:

Not because I didn't want to...

(nervous)

Am I what you expected?

SWITCHBOARD OPERATOR

I totally approve.

They're lost in each other's eyes.

STEVE:

(being helpful)

Hey, Doug. Do you have the time?

DOUG:

(not getting it)

Eleven thirty.

STEVE:

No, do you have the...

DOUG:

(cutting him off)

Steve, I think it's working out,

but thanks for your help...

(to Operator)

Come on into my club.

SWITCHBOARD OPERATOR

Well, I've got my friend.

The female Police Officer who earlier pulled them over is

her friend. Steve steps over.

STEVE:

Hottie police officer?

POLICE OFFICER:

Violater of posted speed limits?

STEVE:

I was really looking forward to

meeting you at the municipal court

on or before June sixth.

They walk in the club.

INT. CLUB - NIGHT

"WHAT IS LOVE" by Haddaway comes over the outdoor

speakers.

POLICE OFFICER:

Oh, I love this song.

SWITCHBOARD OPERATOR

Me, too.

STEVE:

In all honesty, I'm a little sick

of it.

The girls laugh.

DOUG:

Good one. Where do you come up

with this stuff?

STEVE:

I don't know. Every once in a

while I strike pay dirt. Let's

shake it.

The MUSIC rises as they all dance and we...

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