A Perfect Day

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1

Stop, stop. Stop!

Come on, sneaky.

Hang in there. You can make it.

Are you okay?

Fat f***.

He didn't go hungry in the war.

It might be his glands.

They're called glands, right?

Thyroid does not produce

enough hormones

so body does not assimilate fat.

Glands.

My brother told me that.

Yeah, your brother is a doctor?

No, fatso.

What are they laughing at?

He's just saying

funny things, you know.

Yeah, I can tell that.

Ah, it's normal here.

This area is famous for that.

Yoghurt and sense of humor.

They always say funny things.

That's why people

invite them to weddings.

Trust damir,

when you get married

invite somebody from here.

They're always laughing.

Babies here are born laughing,

not crying.

Most famous comedian

in my country is born here.

Petrovich.

You know petrovich?

No, I don't know petrovich.

He tells famous Albanian

in bathtub joke. It's great.

Mike 2, Mike 2,

this is Mike 1, come in.

He tells it for 30 years

and people always laugh

every time he tells.

30 years, always same joke.

Yeah, and that might be

him in the well.

Mike 2, Mike 2,

this is Mike 1, come in.

Mike 2, Mike 2,

this is Mike 1, come in.

Mike 2, Mike 2

this is Mike 1, come in.

Copy, mambru!

This is b! Go!

Uh, do you have any rope

in the car? Over.

I can't hear you.

Come back with that!

Do you have any rope

in the car? Over?

Negative. No rope.

No rope on board.

Okay.

We'll be out of here in 15.

Over and out.

Copy that.

Over and out.

Ey, ey, ey, ey!

Watch where you step.

They want us to drive around it.

How do you know?

It's a trap.

See that grass there?

They dragged it here.

See, they put mines on one side

so that when you drive

around it, boom. Game over.

The question is which side?

Well, we'd better turn around.

- They would expect us to go right.

- You think so?

But if we were coming

from the other side, then..

...right would be left, so..

B, there was another road

back there.

Maybe they know.

- Maybe they know what?

- Maybe they know we know.

Yeah, but we don't know!

Unless they're f***ing with us.

Well, come on, b.

Just..

Let's turn around. There was

another road back there...

- you hear that?

- No.

- That!

- What?

- Rpgs.

- What's that?

- Grenades.

- No, I didn't hear any grenades.

Oui, oui, oui, yeah.

No way we're going back

that way.

That's not gonna happen.

Mr. cow..

...is it to the left

or to the right?

You're asking the cow?

Let's go.

- Are we turning around?

- Rpgs.

It's all here in my logbook.

- What are you doing?

- I'm looking it up.

Mining protocol says

to turn around.

Mining protocol.

Don't believe everything

you read in mining protocol.

They write that stuff in Geneva.

They've never seen a mine

in their lives in Geneva.

Cows, yes, plenty of cows

but none with mines around 'em.

This is my protocol, not Geneva.

There it is.

What?

Is that my handwriting?

What the f*** does that say...

but I don't know what it says.

- It says to turn around.

- No, look.

Look, right there.

What is that?

- That's a cow.

- It's a dog.

- It's not a dog.

- Yes, it's a dog...

dogs don't have horns.

That's a cow.

That's an arrow

and it says to go right.

Or left?

Oh, f*** it.

We're late.

- I'm sick of cows.

- No, no, no! What are you doing...

arrows and all

of this f***ing bullshit.

No, no, no!

No, we have to go back, b!

Oh, no, please! We have

to go back! Don't you dare..

- ...catch a tiger by the toe.

- No, no, no.

- Oh, no.

- If he hollers..

Ah, putain! I hate you!

I just.. I hate you.

I hate you!

F***ing crazy!

They brought him

from somewhere else

and throw into well

to spoil water.

They hear them

when they came with car.

With loud music,

boom, boom, boom.

When they came out this morning,

fat guy was in well.

Well, huh.

He wants to know

where you're from.

- Puerto Rico.

- Uh, Puerto Rico. American.

Uh, piculin Ortiz.

Yes, piculin Ortiz...

great basketball player.

Yes, very good.

Piculin Ortiz, very good.

He asks why you're here.

Don't you have woman

who loves you at home?

Tell him I do.

That's why I'm here.

He says you're funny

like you're from here.

You know,

the same sense of humor.

Okay.

I'll never get in a car

with you again, you got that?

- Never again.

- What happened?

He doesn't give a sh*t

about rules.

She wanted to go one way,

me, another.

It's always the same

with chicks.

You ran over a cow!

We could have blown up!

- I consulted my notebook.

- Your notebook?

You're not gonna say anything?

- Sh*t, b.

- Sh*t, b?

Is that all?

What do you want me to say?

I'm... I don't know.

You're in charge

of security here.

What will you do next?

Send him to bed without dessert?

Dessert?

I didn't know

there was dessert here.

Mambru,

everything was under control.

You know me. There was

nothing crazy about it.

Intuitive, maybe.

But not crazy.

Sophie.

He knew there was nothing

underneath that cow.

He was just...

Showing off for you.

Sophie, come on!

Sophie.

She's adorable!

And you are getting

no respect from her.

Did you know about this dessert?

Glad I only got

1 more week here.

Oh, putain!

What?

- It's a dude!

- I know it's a dude.

You said a corpse on the radio.

- So?

- A corpse could be anything.

It could be a dog, a pig, a..

Sophie, a corpse is a corpse.

A dead dog is not a corpse.

She's French.

A dead dog is corpse..

...technically.

- Is this her first?

- Yep.

He's gigantic.

- Is he from the village?

- No.

They brought this guy

from somewhere else.

I thought they do it

with animals.

Not in war. Nobody throws

an animal in a well.

Wasted food.

B, give me a hand with the pipe.

For how long

has he been in the well?

12 hours.

10, maybe.

So what's our expert say?

We have to get it out

and clean the well.

In 24 hours, it won't matter

what we pour in there.

We'll have to seal it.

We'll get the blue helmets

to help.

At least this one's

in one piece.

They usually chop it up,

you know.

It speeds up the decay.

It's disgusting, but..

...there's a good side to it.

It... it gets easier

to get 'em out of there

you know, when they're,

when they're in chunks.

- So, you know.

- Hey.

He says there's a small store

in drusina village.

It's nearby.

And they might have rope there.

Is, is he your first,

dogs aside?

Really?

Unbelievable.

It's important moment,

your first corpse.

You never forget it.

It's like your first girlfriend

or the first time you get laid.

I remember the first time

I got laid

but my first corpse, that sh*t

is burned in my memory.

I'll never forget

that face, man.

- Was it terrible?

- No, it wasn't terrible.

It was, it was nice.

She was, uh, 17

red head, nice body.

- The corpse?

- No, my..

The girl,

the first girl I slept with.

- What's wrong with you?

- Oh.

That's sick.

Sophie!

You're gonna ride with me

to the security briefing.

B, you're going with damir

to drusina.

Drusina.

There are 2 more Wells

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