A Quiet Little Marriage

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Hey, do you think

my beard looks ratty?

Hey.

Hey, you two.

Hey.

I'm sorry we're late, man.

Oh, don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it.

It's fine.

I'm sorry.

We brought some wine.

We got a sitter.

I could kill her.

She... well, I love her,

but she's late.

- Well, you love her.

- I think she's amazing.

Well, she's a stoned

but she does...

ah, you got a...

You're having

a little bit of a...

You're leaking there

a little bit.

Oh, wow.

Oh, jeez.

Do you want me

to run down to the car

and get the pump

or something?

Maybe now is a good time

to maybe...

- Oh, my God.

- We got this pump.

First of all,

this contraption is like...

Can you not talk about it?

I'm so embarrassed right now.

- It's no big deal.

- Do you need to...

I'm so sorry.

Okay, let us

take care of this,

and we'll be right back.

Okay, go help her.

Go. You go.

- Okay, we're gonna...

- Thank you.

Hold on.

He knows what a pump is.

It's not like he doesn't.

all:
Cheers!

Some water for the mommy.

Cheers to that.

Thank you for having us.

Thank you for being here.

How exciting.

Everybody's up for

a little kid break tonight,

teachers too.

Oh, my God.

Yes, I did, I did.

It's so nice to be here.

Everyone had a great day?

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Henry was very sweet.

He took me to the beach.

We're pretty classy here

in the Hughes house.

Baby pictures!

Well, she's really cute so...

I brought baby pictures.

Baby Mathilda.

Oh, look at that.

Look at her little baby toes.

I know.

Oh, my gosh.

Are you kidding?

Yeah, she's really...

Oh, is that your sister?

Yes.

Aw.

It's so sweet

that she got to visit.

I know.

I know.

Oh.

Wow, right away,

just after?

Oh!

Um.

Can I...

I'm so sorry.

Oh, no.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't be so embarrassed.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, my God.

Okay, no, they got worse.

They got worse,

so, yeah.

Really?

Oh, come on.

I grabbed a...

I grabbed a stack of photos.

There's a couple...

Vagina.

Look at these photos.

They go together,

babies and...

I'm so sorry.

My vagina...

Oh, we're all friends.

Who cares?

I'm sorry.

What's wrong?

Let's all eat dinner.

Oh, my God.

Okay, pass the good ones.

It's a vagina, people.

Dax, you have to look.

Oh, my goodness.

She's so beautiful.

Kind of makes you want one.

Can you put them

in your pocket?

So it's really

changed your life, I bet.

Oh, yeah.

Anyways...

Yes.

To new babies.

all:
Hear.

Here it is.

Cheers.

Here's to babysitters.

Who made the pie?

You made the pie?

Oh, wow.

Oh.

I'll get it.

You guys go ahead and start.

- Hi.

- Hey.

How are you?

I'm great.

Is Dax around?

- Hey.

- Hi.

Ah, that's Sylvia.

Hi.

Hey, it's Jackson.

Hey.

Do you want

to go serve the pie,

and I'll, um...

Yeah, sure.

Are you sure you guys

don't want to come inside?

Good.

Positive.

Okay.

Come back another time, then.

- Thank you.

- Okay.

Where you been?

You guys having

a little party here?

Yeah.

We're having some people over.

- Awesome.

- You okay?

Actually, I'm great.

I'm getting married.

- You're getting married?

- Yeah.

Hey, baby,

come meet my brother.

Eh...

- Is she okay?

- Yeah, she's fine.

We were just

running all over today.

She's exhausted.

I didn't even know

you were seeing anybody.

Oh, we just met,

but God damn it,

I'm in love with her.

I figured, what the hell?

Join the married folks

like you guys.

And sh*t, she's gonna be

your sister-in-law,

so you should meet her.

When are you getting married?

That's the funny thing.

We're driving

to Las Vegas tonight.

Tonight?

Yeah.

You're gonna

get married tonight?

I don't know, man.

I'm in love with her.

I can't help it.

Wow.

Uh, congratulations.

To you both.

Thanks a lot.

The thing is, we're a little shy

on gas money.

Oh, well, here.

I...

I'll... I'll pay you back...

sometime.

All I've got is,

like, $100.

That's... $100's amazing.

Thanks.

You're a stand-up guy.

What'd I tell you, babe?

Stand-up guy right here.

Have a good dinner party.

Yeah.

All right.

Jackson!

Congratulations.

I think you killed me.

You know what I'd like?

I don't think I can

for just a second.

Not that.

I want to have your baby.

Okay, you got me.

I want you

to make me pregnant.

Stop laughing.

I'm serious.

I want to...

I want to start a family.

We already talked about this.

On our first date,

you said

you didn't want to have kids.

No.

No.

You said

you didn't want to have kids,

and you also said

that the Catholic Church

should canonize Kurt Cobain.

I did not say that.

You definitely said that.

I think we were on mushrooms.

No, that was our second date.

On our first date,

we went and had Italian food,

and we both agreed that

it was selfish and narcissistic

to bring kids

into this world.

Dax?

What about that time when we

drove your dad cross-country,

in the motel room?

I was talking about

how hard it was gonna be

to start taking care

of my father.

And I...

That was three years ago.

Yeah, but I mean,

it's not like the world

got to be a better place.

You know,

just today on NPR,

I heard this thing

about these kids in Darfur.

Rebel armies

march into their villages

and kill all the adults.

And then

they give the kids a choice:

either eat the dead bodies

or be killed too.

What are you talking about?

Cannibalism.

Those kids have to eat

their parents.

I just don't understand

bringing a child

into that kind of world.

We don't live in Darfur.

That's... that's not my point.

But I mean, you love kids.

You're a teacher.

You love them.

They're my class.

Of course I love them.

And they love you.

Just think about it.

You'd be a great dad.

I don't know that.

You know?

I mean, you don't know that.

I just...

Those kids are not easy,

Olive.

I'm sure

some of their parents wish

that they had taken better

advantage of contraception.

That is a terrible thing

to say.

I'm serious.

You know?

The kind of life we have

is over for them.

It's just...

I'm mean, most of them are just

struggling to stay together.

Besides, you have good genes,

but look at my family.

What if I got pregnant?

But you're not.

No.

But what if?

I just feel like

we already talked about this.

We can talk about it

some more, right?

I have to go to the bathroom.

Thanks.

You gonna

go see your dad today?

You want me to go with you?

It's too confusing for him

right now.

Okay.

This is my dad's

bonobo chimpanzee mask.

Bonobos' DNA

is 98% identical to humans.

My dad also has a complete set

of Congo River animal

action figures.

This is my mom's

Jane Goodall research costume.

When my dad moved across town

with Vicky Green...

Let's wrap it up, Sammy.

My mom buried them both

in the backyard.

You can see the chip

on the top of the mask

where my shovel hit it.

Okay.

Let's sit down.

And it took me three weeks

to find where she hid them.

Okay, who else

has something to share?

all:
Me!

All right, Meegan.

Hey, Sammy, can I talk to you

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