A Room to Die For

Could we have a look

inside, sir?

Uh, no word from them then?

Nothing. This is the last

place that they were seen.

We'd prefer to come inside,

if that's all right, sir.

Well, always happy

to help if I can.

Henry:
We only ever

heard arguments

coming from their room.

Was there any acts

of violence?

Um, no, but he had

a very short temper.

But she was lovely,

a proper lady.

One sugar or two, dear?

Two, please.

Did they give any hints

of where they were going?

Henry:
No, but they'd paid

their rent in full and left.

Last time you said

you didn't speak to them.

They just left in a rush.

Him.

We didn't speak to him.

But she apologized and

paid the month's rent

before leaving.

That is not what

you said before.

Do you have a rent book?

Of course.

It is such a shame,

young couples seem

so impatient these days.

They want everything

yesterday, rather than

trying to build

a proper life over time.

Hmm.

Wait. Let me have a look.

Detective McQueen:

Is that her signature?

Jason:
Yes.

But they didn't

have any money.

It clearly says that

they're paid up there.

That's all in order.

But they couldn't have done,

because they didn't

have any money.

We're sorry to have

disturbed you.

Oh, it's okay. We understand.

We are worried about them

as well.

Henry:
Especially Jill.

I mean, there is no telling

what somebody mad in the head

like Marcus might do.

Well, you said so yourself.

When you came to speak

to us before.

We will see

ourselves out.

Oh...

I hope you find them.

Get Jill away from

that troubled young man.

Thanks.

Josephine:
Stop shaking.

You need

to take your pills.

I need you

to be strong

for all three of us.

Marcus:
Right.

I'm going to tell you

a true story.

My mates' nan was

scheduled to go

for a smear test.

I know what you're thinking,

but stick with me,

'cause it gets better.

And she thought she needed

to be, uh, presentable.

You know, downstairs.

So she sneaks into her

granddaughter's room

and sprays a can of deodorant.

Not realizing that it wasn't

actually the sweet smell

of the summer forest

but a can of glitter that

her granddaughter

had kept from a party.

So the granny goes along

to the gynecologist

and she spreads her legs.

And the guy

is f***ing speechless

because in front of him

is a 67-year-old woman

whose vagina

is f***ing glittering.

Coming at him, you know.

Proper disco p*ssy, yeah.

Ah, no, no, I'm joking.

I'm joking.

His nan has not got

a glittering vagina nor is

the gynecologist my dad.

Uh, thank you very much,

ladies and gentleman.

I have been Marcus Crowe.

Where were you?

Sorry I'm late.

My new boss wouldn't

let me out early.

Well, you tell that cocksucker

that your boyfriend

is doing a gig.

Come on, that call center

is comedy gold for you.

Have they paid you?

Oh, mark.

Look, if I keep asking

for money, I won't get

any more gigs.

It's a free bar.

We have to view that

house tomorrow morning.

We can't get drunk.

We could always squat

somewhere.

Guess my jokes

are a bit off today.

One drink.

Same?

Yes, please.

Mark!

Great job tonight, mate.

Glittering vaginas.

Loved it.

Thanks, mate.

Hey, Jill. Yup.

Bartender:
Cheers.

Thanks.

Damn it, babe.

I'm trying to write here.

So, could you please...

Shut the f*** up.

Shut the f*** up.

Hello. You must be the couple

we spoke to over the phone.

Hi, I'm Jill.

This is my boyfriend, Marcus.

Please, do come in.

Henry,

this is Jill and Marcus.

They have come

to see the room.

It's the one upstairs.

Second room on the left.

It's open.

Thank you.

They look like Nazis.

Shh. Best behavior.

We need this place.

I like it.

What do you think?

Um...

I don't know. It's a bit...

Listen.

It's just a temporary thing.

Six to nine months

and we'll be out of here.

Jill:
Do you mind me asking,

why no one has taken it yet?

It's just that the location

and the house are amazing.

Yes, my wife and I want

the right person.

We think you will

be perfect, though.

Don't we, Henry?

Hmm.

We need a decision today.

- What?

- Nothing.

Would you like to

look at the room again

before deciding?

Thanks.

That would be great.

It's Jill, isn't it?

I hope you say yes.

It's a steal, this location

for that amount of money.

We'd be crazy not to take it.

I don't know.

That old couple were a bit

full on.

It's called being nice.

You don't have to be

so guarded off-stage as well

as on-stage, you know.

What is that

meant to mean?

Think of all the new material

you could get done

in the quiet here.

Look, I get the impression

that they want to adopt us.

And I've spent years

getting out from underneath

one set of parents.

I don't need a substitute.

They are probably

just lonely.

That old man kept

staring at me.

Perhaps he fancies you.

I'm serious.

So am I.

It is impossible

not to find your lost

little-boy routine adorable.

Did you hear a baby cry?

No. Stop looking

for excuses.

I need you to be more

responsible with what's

going on, mark.

You've got to face

the fact that we don't

have any money.

I'm not asking you

to get a job.

I'm not asking you

to stop your comedy.

I'm the one making

sacrifices for us.

Now you do this for me.

You've got to trust me.

Yeah, but a shared house

with a bunch of...

...Coffin Dodgers.

Blackmail.

I love it.

I like her, Henry.

I agree.

He will be a problem.

I'm worried we're running

out of time, Henry.

We will be okay.

Jill:
It's like a nuclear bomb

hit your side.

Here, let me.

I've never known someone

to find even the littlest

things so difficult.

I wonder how we met,

let alone dated.

We dated because

i bribed you with

my superior cooking prowess.

Starter, main, dessert.

You are about to enjoy

my three-course meal skills.

Excellent.

Thanks.

What for?

For agreeing to do this.

Did I have a choice?

No, you didn't.

Henry.

Got a third leg

hanging here, babe.

Sorry. We were unpacking.

Um, my wife and I would like

to invite you both

down to dinner.

A welcome hello.

If you don't mind.

Marcus:
Um,

that's very kind, but...

Just give us a minute.

You don't have to

do this, Josephine.

We just had some food.

Oh, you young ones

are always having junk.

Eat good food for a change.

Thanks. That's very

kind of you both.

Do you not say grace

before eating?

Thank you, o lord,

for these bounteous gifts

received from your table.

In the name of our savior,

Jesus Christ, our lord.

Amen.

Do either of you work?

Must cost a lot to maintain

this house.

We're both retired.

The extra money

from the room comes in

very handy for daily things.

Did you take

your pills, dear?

Yes, I did.

Do you guys, um,

ever go out anywhere?

No, we stay at home mostly,

but it is a very safe

environment here.

Henry is a real home boy.

Marcus is, too.

Well, then maybe we could

do some stuff together.

Yeah. Sure.

Whatever you need.

Eat up, dear.

Oh, that's too much food.

I won't have to eat

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