A Room to Die For Page #2

for a week.

Um, it's manners

to wait to be served.

What do you do for work?

I'm a stand-up comedian.

I do gigs.

Oh, so you let

your woman go out

and earn a wage

and get a proper job.

Henry.

No. No, it's all right.

I've always wanted more

than just a nine-to-five.

And stand-up comedy

is the new rock and roll.

I'm happy to support Marcus.

He is very good.

His routine needs

a little Polish,

but he's coming around.

There is nothing wrong

with my routine. It's just,

she doesn't find it funny.

What about you, dear?

What are your dreams?

Um...

Earn enough money to go

traveling and see the world.

Hmm. Do you think

you might get married?

No.

Not yet. Maybe later.

What about children?

We never wanted kids.

You say that

but if you were pregnant,

you might feel different.

It's not for us.

We have got a child.

Oh, that's lovely.

Is it your gran...

Yes, it's my baby.

Our baby.

I told you.

It's rude to whisper

at the table.

Henry and I couldn't

be happier.

Do you have any

brothers or sisters?

Do you have any family, Jill?

I have a brother,

Jason. He is...

A dick.

No. Mark.

He is successful

and likes reminding me.

Our parents died young

so he kind of became

my surrogate mum and dad.

I guess I got sidelined

along the way.

Mark is my family now.

Family is very

important, dear.

How about you two?

Josephine's from

German heritage.

I'm east London, army.

Wow. That must have been,

uh, awkward.

You know, two world wars

and one world cup. Huh?

You know...

1966, england versus Germany.

Comedy, right?

I'm sorry.

I get a bit nervous sometimes.

I get it.

Marcus:
How the f***

can they have a baby?

I mean, how the hell

did that happen?

Maybe they are not

as old as they look.

They just retired early.

Hey, how do you think

it happened, huh?

She laid back,

listening to Eva braun

as he crept up behind her

and gave a quick one-two

whilst reading the Bible.

Don't ruin the mood.

Ruined.

Henry:
I've seen bodies.

Dead bodies.

Bodies with no heads,

no limbs, guts spewing out.

And crows and eagles

swooping down,

plucking out eyeballs...

And tearing out

protruding tongues.

Sometimes from living bodies.

God.

I miss those days.

Excuse me.

Decomposition begins

in the digestive system.

And it feeds

on the internal organs.

It causes bloating

and a marbling of the skin.

And there is

a terrible swelling

and protrusion of the tongue.

And liquids and bloods flow

from every orifice.

And there is a horrible smell

of rotting flesh.

After that

rigor mortis sets in.

And it covers the whole body

after about a day.

It's really beautiful.

Sh*t. I'm late.

How do I look?

Hmm, you look better with

your clothes off, baby.

Oh, babe. Um...

I'm going to need a bit

of money for food.

Oh.

Sh*t. I only have a twenty.

Keep that

for two days.

Don't spend it

on sweets or comics.

Very funny.

Perhaps I should do

the stand-up,

my material is funnier.

What the f*** you know

about comedy?

Henry:
Marcus!

Marcus!

Marcus!

Marcus!

Yes, Henry?

You come down here

at once!

Um, you know

your baby is still...

Don't leave your

dirty dishes in the sink.

You clean them immediately!

Yeah,

i was going to do it later.

Not later. Now!

Henry's voice:
Not later. Now!

You clean them immediately!

You got a problem,

then you can clean it, Henry.

Or what, old man?

You dirty little b*tch.

Hey, Ben.

How you been, mate?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah,

I'm trying some new

materials as we speak.

Well, it might take

a bit of time, mate.

When would the next gig be?

Next month?

No, I need to be doing

more gigs, mate.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, a bit busy, buddy.

Yeah, you too. Bye.

Henry:

I warned you!

Don't phone again!

Hey, babe.

Hey, honey.

You get much writing done?

A little.

Since when did

you get so protective

of your material?

Since you slagged it off.

I'm starving.

You want to order something?

Oh, Jesus.

Marcus, you can't

cook after 6:
00.

I'm sorry?

You have to finish

cooking by 5:
00.

Why?

I can't stand the smell.

That old man

is a f***ing a**hole.

Mark, keep it down.

What happened?

First, we've got to

wash up before eating,

and now, we're not allowed

to cook after 6:
00.

This is not our house.

We have to play

according to their rules.

If they want to keep it clean

what's the harm in that?

Hmm, why you are you

taking his side?

I'm telling you.

He is going to be a problem.

Mark. They are old.

They might have their reasons.

When are we getting out

of this shithole?

Hush. They might hear you.

We won't find better

accommodation for this price.

So bite your tongue,

smile and play nice.

Mmm-mmm.

You know why?

Henry:
Happy birthday.

Henry.

Look, I think we got off

to a bit of a bad start,

and I'd like to start again.

I want the bin bag.

I want to put them

out all together in

the correct bins.

Your baby is crying again.

It will stop.

Until you get a job,

you'll need to do a few things

around the house.

I have a job!

Sarcasm is the lowest

form of wit.

I wrote a joke once,

about a wrinkly old man

who couldn't keep

his mouth shut.

Do you want to hear it?

If this place is "shithole",

and I'm "a**hole",

why do you stay?

F***ing wanker.

What did you say, boy?

Marcus:
I didn't

f***ing say anything.

Mind your words, boy!

You won't be here long.

F***! F***!

F*** you, old man!

Who's the f***ing

b*tch now, huh?

You f***ing old c*nt!

"Get a f***ing real job."

C*nt!

I don't want to be here.

I don't want to be here.

Henry's voice:
Sarcasm is

the lowest form of wit.

Mind your words, boy!

It's 2:
00 A.M.,

for god's sake.

It cries at the exact time

for the exact amount

of minutes each day.

It's a baby.

That's what they do.

Neither of us have ever

seen the baby.

You really are

sounding paranoid now.

If it's not the baby crying

then it's her playing

her weird-ass war music.

Or him shouting randomly.

Maybe you need to get

out of the house for

a while during the day.

You are too isolated here.

You're not here.

That old man...

He's f***ing crazy.

Tried to scare him today,

and he just smiled.

You what? You threatened him?

Are you insane?

What did I say?

We need this place.

He was demanding

i keep the room clean,

that I hoover it,

and take the bins out.

We don't live here for free.

We pay f***ing rent!

I've been asking you to do

that stuff for two weeks!

And they've been listening

to our conversations.

For f*** sake, Marcus.

Stop trying to find

reasons to move out.

Grow up!

Get out of my room!

I want you

out of this house.

It's just

research for an act.

Vacate by tomorrow morning.

We signed a contract.

We have rights.

I will give you back

your money.

Just be gone by tomorrow.

What the f***

is going on?

Don't you worry,

we're leaving.

I'm sorry.

I'm not used to having

other people in the house.

But he is going to make

a big effort from now on.

It's too late.

We don't

want you to leave.

Jill has told us

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